Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Hump Day Name Game

I haven’t done this in ages and many newer Bagwine readers may not be aware of something that my brother Marte’ and I do often.

It’s called the name game and it brings out the twelve year old in both of us, and…it can be quite annoying.

Now, it’s not like the, “Jack, Jack Bo-Back…Banana-fana Fo-fack” Name Game song. It is an exercise in fun using famous names.

For instance, one can say, Does Bob Hope? Is Al Green? Was Huey Long? Does Bill O’Reilly? You get the idea.

Marte’ once sent me an e-mail with a subject line that read: “Is Emily Post-Menopausal?”

Juvenile, perhaps, but I laughed my ass off. Contained in his message, along with some rant about how this big gray squirrel in his backyard was telling him to kill the Pope, my brother asked, “Where Did Henry Cabot Lodge?”

I laughed again, and then pondered the question. After a moment I replied back to him, “He probably stayed at the, Oliver Wendell Holmes.” Oh, how I crack myself up.

Another good one that my brother came up with was, Did Henry David Thoreau to Second?

Others that come to mind are: Did Cyndi Lauper Head Off? Why was Richard Nixon all of their ideas?…and, What did Harriet Beecher Stowe in her footlocker?

The best thing about this, is that if you do this continually while out drinking with friends, it becomes highly annoying.

My brother and I did this a few years back while out with some folks including my brother Vince.

Now Vince, became extremely pissed off as my bro and I rattled off such things as: What did Cary Grant? Is Elizabeth Barrett Browning the sausage? Did Bob Dole out Viagra?

As we rattled on precipitously, Vince’s face became the hue and consistency of a rotting plum.

As the vein in his face swelled to the size of pregnant fire hose, we continued the moniker onslaught in spite of our tears of laughter, finally offering up a critical blow, “Did George McGovern the Hamburglar?”

Vince stood up upon his wobbly, hops and barley soaked legs and screamed, “God Damn It, Stop It!! Both of you SHUT UP…Jeez, you stupid motherfuckers!!”

This of course led to more laughter on our part, that air grasping, beer spewing, “I don’t think I’m going to live” type of laughter.

Vince insisted on being taken home after I, through my oxygen starved body managed in staccato to say: Is Oscar Wilde?

So there you have it, fun and annoyance with famous names. Try it yourself, just remember…

There can be no words within the name. They have to be either before the name and/or after.

Happy Hump Day, and…

One very important thing before I go.

My buddy Lu directed an incredible act of kindness toward me yesterday. While I have come to expect nothing but utter thoughtfulness from her, this act was unexpected and incredibly sweet.

I feel the need to say thanks to her and let her know that she has been my friend for some time now, and a friend of mine she will forever remain.

Thanks Lu. In this oft times chaotic and not so nice world, your goodness is one of the few constants.



Anonymous said...

I love when people do unexpected acts of kindness/friendship. It's sweet!

Matt-Man said...

Lady: And it was. I'm still smilin'. Cheers D!!

Desert Rat said...

Whatever Lu did, that was a super shout out. She's lovely.

BTW, your brother, Vince, was wrong. You and Marte' are not stupid motherfuckers. Those name games are brilliant!

Hmm... Does Judy Blume all summer long? (It's all I got, man! But you're right, this is fun!)

Matt-Man said...

Rat: She is a wunnerful person. Not only is the game fun...when one is drinking, it's kind of addictive.

And ha...that's pretty damn good. Cheers Rat!!

Jay said...

So it's kind of like "Before and After" on Jeopardy. Only different.

Anyway, those were all pretty hilarious. But, after a while I can where it would make me want to stab you with my David Bowie Knife.

metalmom said...

Does MattMan Bagwine?

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Hey...Marty and I were doing this long before that Canuck was, and Ha...That what the Brits use isn't it? Very good. Cheers Jay!!

Metal: Ha...Why yes...yes, he does. Thanks for the pic the other day. Cheer Metal!!

Scott Oglesby said...

That was a sweet shout out. You’re blessed with a lot of people who love you brother! I love this game, I wanna play too….

How well can Russell Crowe?
Does Tom Cruise for male prostitutes? (yes)
Does Christian Bale hay?
Will Hugh Grant more felatio? (yes)
Heath Ledger’s in the red.
Joaquin Phoenix’s rising.

Scott Oglesby said...

John’s Daly fifth
Is Jim Brown or black?
Jonas Salk-ed and pouted
Glenn Beck-ons the lunatics
Pete Rose has its thorns
Thomas Paine in the ass
Mickey’s mantle is full of trophies
Barry Bonds (or investigations) can’t hold me
Mary Poppins uninvited- the bitch!
Can Usain Bolt?
Horace Mann the torpedoes
Brigham Young, drunk and willing.

Sorry, I can’t freaking help myself at this point.

Matt-Man said...

Scott: Thanks Soctt...I find it very infantile yet humorous and addicting. HA, Can Usain Bolt? I like that. All nicely done there Scott. Cheers!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...I still like:
Ringo Ringo bo bingo
Bonanafana fo fingo
Fee fy mo mingo

But I will say, will Edith Head south for the winter?

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Ha. No doubt that she will, with plenty of fabulous clothes in tow. Good One. Cheers P-Man!!

Lu' said...

Did Elizabeth Taylor her own gowns to cradle her ample cleavage?

Did George Jones for booze when on the wagon?

Matt-Man said...

Lu: Hee Hee. I'd say "yes" on both accounts. Thanks Pal. Cheers!!

P.S. Don't get P-Man and I started on Liz...we'll both be worthless the rest of the day. Purrrrr.

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...Cat on a Hot Tin the her slip...clinging to the brass headboard...sweet weeping Jesus!...

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: See? I'm worthless now..Of course some thought I was anyway. Now I have that vision stuck in my head. I am having sinful thoughts. But their hot ones so I thank you. Cheers P-Man!!

Lu' said...

Did Jack yell out to Marilyn Monroe row row my boat, row my boat for sure:)

Matt-Man said...

Lu: Wow...Now that is a compound thingy there. You should have been there with us that night. Vince's head would have assploded. Cheers Lu!!

Phfrankie Bondo said... Lorne Greene with envy? Will Judith Light his fire? Or will he jump in the River Phoenix saying a Hail Mary Mastroianni?..

Mike said...

I thought there might be a website dedicated to saying like this. There may be, but when I put in "Did Bob Dole out Viagra?", I got two hits. Both from this post. You almost had a Goooglebot. (one google hit)

David said...

Fun post today my good man.

Would Dan Rather not?

Can Connie Chung? (I must admit that I don't know what that would mean)

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: We used Lorne Greene on several occasions. And why not? He's Canadian after all, they're used to being used. Cheers P-Man!!

Mike: I guesss that makes me sui generis. Cheers Mike!!

David: Ha. We have used Rather several times. It's sooooo damn easy. Especially as the person that he is. Cheers David!!

Dice Mardell said...

while reading the sentence "Juvenile, perhaps,..."
something caught my peripheral vision.

It was my cursor, poised over the photo of you in the sidebar, with its index finger up your right nostril.

I lost all concentration. ;P

Does Johnny Winter in Florida?

Does Pearl S. Buck the edits to her manuscripts?

Does Minny Pearl one, knit two?

Matt-Man said...

Dice: Ha. Those are all very good but I'm still laughing about the cursor up my nose. Cheers Dice!!

The Covert Lover said...

My sisters and I play a name game sometimes when we have run out of energy to even use a single brain cell on a long road trip - but it's not funny or amusing in anyway. {sigh} We suck.

Matt-Man said...

Covert: Well that's a shame. You can always play with us. We'd like that. Cheers Lover!!