Saturday, April 24, 2010

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: The Most Interesting Man in the World


It’s going to be a gloomy Sabbath here in Bagwine, Ohio…but I’m off so, it’s all good.

Have you seen those Dos Equis beer commercials that feature “The Most Interesting Man in the World” dude?

The commercials say things like…“The police question him just because they find him interesting.” "He once had a staring contest with himself, and won.” and of course…

“He once had an awkward moment just to see how it would feel.” and at the end of the commercials he says...

“I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I drink Dos Equis. Stay thirsty my friends.”

While I find the ads humorous, I also take exception with them. You know why? Because we all know that I am the most interesting man in the world.

I mean has this guy ever been invited to his brother’s house for a party, and after a few cheap beers found the bathrooms occupied so he went ahead like I did, and pissed in the cat’s litter box that was in the kitchen?

Has Mr. Uber-Interesting ever had sex on a public sidewalk with a chick in 20 degree weather on Thanksgiving night like I have!?

Has he gone to his friend’s house, met a busty mocha-cheena chick named Tiffany who after only twenty minutes asked him to go into the bathroom with her so she could show him her tits? And then, AND THEN…

Two hours later ol’ Tiffany gave the real most interesting man in the world, moi, a hand job while sitting and tipping a few in a bar together. Uh-Huh…More importantly…

Does this guy like I do, even know a black chick named Tiffany, I mean that’s a rare occurrence.

Can Dos Equis man tell the tale of spending part of his brother’s wedding reception in the men’s room of the hall having sex with his girlfriend in a stall while another one of his brother’s was taking a leak in the next stall over?

I don’t fucking think so. Has he like I have followed in the footsteps of Father Damien and gone to Molokai to cure the lepers? Okay, I didn’t, but only because Father Damien had cured them all.

And, while the Dos Equis guy once had an awkward moment just to see how it would feel, I have them all the time, on purpose. ‘Cause it in turn makes others feel awkward, and being the asshole I am, I dig that.

Yeah folks…Send that pretender away to a gulag, because I am the Most Interesting Man in the World, or...


Perhaps I am just a whore, who drinks cheap beer, and pees in litter boxes.

Naw…I am interesting…damn interesting, and remember…

I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I drink Milwaukee’s Best Light. Stay Loaded My Friends!!

Amen, and Amen...

Cheers!!

26 comments:

Michele said...

I could talk but I won't because that would be unladylike. Hahaha...like I'm a lady. I still won't talk. What would I blog about?

Matt-Man said...

Michele: Oh c'mon...Let it out Michele. Have a wonderful rest of the weekend. Cheers Michele!!

Michele said...

Mateo,
You know I was a child of the late 60s and early 70s; you do the math.

Matt-Man said...

Michele: You're right...You, the 60's and 70's; you need not talk. I can conjure up my own stories in my head. Cheers Michele!!

Michele said...

I'm pretty sure you can come up with some great stories. If any of them feature me smoking a joint as I walk home from the bus stop then they would be right on.

Matt-Man said...

Michele: Ha. Nothing like some good weed after an enjoyable bus ride. Cheers Michele!!

Mrs. D said...

Wow, you ARE interesting! LOL-ing about the litter box. Maybe MBL could make its own commercial and put you in it.

Mike said...

Having never heard of dos equis it was of to the google to google dos equis. "Dos Equis" (two Xs). From the wikipedia via the google.

And more - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cuauht%C3%A9moc_Moctezuma_Brewery

Scott Oglesby said...

I’ve met that guy three times and trust me you don’t have anything to worry about. Not from him anyway.

The first time was in Marrakesh Morocco. We were both in an underground poker tournament hosted by the Rifan growers association. Anyway after some awful bluffing I called him and knocked him out. After some blustering and gun waving he ‘lit up’ and was on his way.

The second time was a few weeks before the major coups in Thailand in 06. He came out on top this time. I was selling arms to Prem Tinsulanonda and the Privy Counsel. He was providing information and tactical support for Thaksin Shinawatra. I thought it was worth a shot because if Prem and the boys won, I was sitting pretty. We all know how that turned out lol.

The third time we were both stuck in an Argentine Prison. He was on that phone everyday with his people crying for lawyers, guns and money until he did get out. The general consensus was that he was a ‘punk bitch.’

So yea, you are definitely more interesting.

Dianne said...

It is impossible to follow Scott

The two of you truly need to take over the world

That DQ guy looks creepy to me

Charlene said...

All this "child of the 60's" stuff is nothing. I was born in the 50's but I didn't learn to misbehave until the 90's. Boy, I could tell you some stories, but won't.

I wrote them all in the early 200's and they are buried deep.

David said...

Those Dos Equis people know nothing if they have failed to recognize Matt-Man as the most interesting man alive.

I've not seen that commercial but I would see him as an imposter right off the bat.

I'm pretty sure he has never sought the title of Most Inspired Cunnilingus Practitioner and Expert in the modern world which alone sets our Matt-Man on a pedestal to which the shallow impostor cannot possibly aspire….which reminds me that I was once on a team that competed in a bowling league with a team of amusing lesbians with the team name of Cunning Linguists.

Matt-Man said...

D: I have already thought of that and will of course be in contact with them soon. Cheers D!!

Mike: See? This site is incredibly informative, is it not? Cheers Mike!!

Scott: Ha. There is much to say to all of that, but let me just say this... any comment that mentions Shinawatra, is fucking funny. Cheers Scott!!

Dana said...

Working the beer mine must get you previews of upcoming beer promotions or something because I have not seen that advertising here ... or maybe it's just that we don't drink any of that illegal immigrant beer here in Podunk *shrugs*

Tiffany? I can one up you on that! I have a cousin whose name is Taffy. Of course I never got a hand job while sitting with her and tipping a few in a bar together,, but still ... Taffy trumps Tiffany any day!

Matt-Man said...

Dianne: Can you imagne what Scott could do if he started to actually make things up? Cheers Sexy!!

Charlene: Well, if you ever wanted to recreate some of those things, drop me a line. I'd love to help out. Cheers Charlene!!

David: Ha. It is my forte and I am pretty much the authority on it. Both in theory and practice. I have as far to few in this life do, reached my goal. Cheers David!!

Matt-Man said...

Dana: You've never seen those commercials? Oy. They've been out for a coupleof years now and while your cousin is named Taffy, is she black? This Tiffany chick is a black chick. How many black Tiffanys do you know? Uh-huh. Cheers Dana!!

Jay said...

Dos Equis is my favorite beer. Well, one of my favorite beers.

I got a hand job from a black chick named Alanis once. Okay, so that was probably her stage name. ;-)

Matt-Man said...

Jay: I haven't had it in ages. But dude...A black chick named Alanis AND a hand job. That's pretty impressive, however...

Did you take her back to your brother's apartment and have sex with her in his bed while he was out of town? Damn right.

Oh those glory days. Cheers Jay!!

Dice Mardell said...

Bravo, Olé, albondigas calientes...

I like those commercials, and that's why I found this post to be particularly humorous.

¡Many Garcías, Milwaukee's BEST Light Man!

Feliz Domingo

Matt-Man said...

Dice: Ha. Hot Meatballs? I knew caliente but had to Google the other. Funny. Yeah, my kid and I both dig those commercials. Happy Sunday Dice. Cheers!!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Haven't seen the commercials, but do love Dos Equis when I'm in the mood for a beer.

My mom loved the Beast! Yak!

Matt-Man said...

Evil: Yeah, well, these things go so quickly, next thing ya know, Mike Huckabee will be fronting them. I'd fucking hate that. Cheers ETW!!

ZenaT_Pinter2284 said...

how do u do?

YoungW21087 said...

I love readding, and thanks for your artical. ........................................

Clay Perry said...

never heard of the guy until i read this... & since then i've seen him four times.. wtf?

Matt-Man said...

Clay: Ha...Funny how that happens. Cheers Clay!!