Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Jessica Alba Naked: Rise of the Flesh Toned Surfboard

From now until Saturday, I will be putting up stories from the Bagwine vault. I felt this a perfect way to end year number four of Bagwine Ruminations and begin year number five which amazingly begins on Sunday May 23rd. Wow.

Here's one from June 18, 2007...

The new Fantastic 4 movie really cleaned up at the Box Office this weekend. I haven’t seen it yet but I do really love one of the characters, The Invisible Woman.

Yes I am a shallow man, but my affection for the character is purely due to masturbation purposes creative respect. I think Jessica Alba through her theatrical genius, has captured the essence of this particular superhero.

I must admit however, that I spend hours on end thinking about the fun I could have with the Invisible Woman.

I even had a dream about her the other night.


She came over and we started drinking some Wild Irish Rose.

We sat on the couch and she began to rub her form fitting superhero suit up against me. We put down our drinks and she straddled me as I sat on the couch.

She put her lips to mine and then proceeded to tickle my uvula with her super tongue. She kissed my neck, I opened my eyes, and there on the TV was a one-eyed toucan singing a reggae version of “I’m Turning Japanese.”

She stood up, took my hand and said, “Let’s go to bed.”

Once in bed, we laid down next to each other completely nekkid. After a few pecks and licks, she whispered in my ear, “Get kinky Matt-Man; do me while I’m invisible.”

I said, “Okay, but how will I find everything?” Jessica…er…The Invisble Woman said, “You’ll do fine, after all, you’re Matt-Man, Bitch!!”

When she said that, I didn’t know what turned me on more, that I was in bed with a gorgeous superhero, or the fact that she obviously reads my blog!!

Anyway, she went all invisible on me and I began the search and seizure mission. It did not start out well. I spent the first ten seconds French kissing her left eye.

I then moved on to kiss and caress her super breasts which oddly had no nipples. It was then I realized that I was sucking on her kneecaps.

I took a minute to sit up and analyze the shape and position of how her body was sunk into the bed. I studied and then hopped where I thought I would be in position for some good lovin’.

When I landed she said, “Oooooo good job Matt-Man.”

Passionately yet gently, I began to make love to her, or as I romantically refer to it, “began to plant the spud in the mud”.

Either the Enzyte I had been taking was adding the size it guaranteed or this was the tightest hoo-ha I had ever come across.

I was nearing the moment of climax when I moaned a super moan, and she laughed a super laugh.

Lying beneath me laughing…she became visible.

I looked down and discovered the source of her amusement. I had just spent the last two minutes fucking the hell out of her belly button. The mood had been shattered.

But then, she said to me…

“It’s okay Matt-Man. I’ll stop by tomorrow and go see the movie with you. You can freak everyone out at the theatre by making out with me while I’m invisible. Just be ready to be called Pee-Wee Matt-Man. Ciao baby!!”

I hope this entry will help you to think of me when you view this fine movie which I have never seen.

Cheers!!

15 comments:

Michele said...

I'm not exactly sure what to say about this post but the first thing that comes to mind is ewwwww.

Jay said...

Can I got back to when this originally posted and just copy and paste my comment from then? haaha .. I crack myself up. ;-)

Jessica Alba is okay, I guess. If you're into ridiculously gorgeous women with incredible legs.

Belly button sex is hot.

Mrs. D said...

I'm glad to read something from "the vault", since I missed all these jewels. Did you ever go see the movie?

Matt-Man said...

D: No, I never have seen the whole thing. But I to this day, spend free time searching the internets for pictures of Jessica Alba. Cheers D!!

Matt-Man said...

WTF? My blog shows 4 Comments, and there are only 2. Blogger has been a wreck of late. No Cheers for Blogger!!

Michele said...

Where did my comment go?

MysteryChick said...

I'd do Jessica Alba invisible or not and I prefer men. I'm just sayin'.

Now you have four!

Mike said...

All us comments are here now. Maybe blogger KNEW this was a repeat and is punishing you for taking up precious bit space.

Doc said...

Any belly button lint?

Matt-Man said...

Michele: Hey!! I found your comment. WTF, was up with Blogger last night? The first thing that comes to my mind about this post isn't "Ewwwww", it's "Ooooooommmmmm." Cheers Michele!!

Jay: Aha, Mr. Jay, but you weren't reading BR back then. So there Mr. Lover of the Ridiculously Good Looking. Cheers Jay!!

Chick: Yeah the Blogger problem has been corrected. And if you do ever do Jessica, can I watch? Please? Cheers Chick!!

Matt-Man said...

Mike: Ha. Maybe so, Mike. Cheers!!

Doc: I hope it was merely lint on my wank when I pulled out. Maybe I should have it checked out. Cheers Doc!!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Now I know who to contact if I'm jonesing for a little bit of navel lovin'.

Matt-Man said...

Evil: I'm up for that. After all, it's obvious that I know how to push a woman's buttons..or in this case, belly button. Cheers ETW!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...now I know she has an "innie"...surely you would have identified an "outie"....wait! on second thought, maybe not...aw, hell, sounds like fun!...

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: It was fun and I think it began as an outie but ended up as an innie when I was finished. Cheers P-Man!!