Sunday, May 23, 2010

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Summer Comes To Bagwine

It is going to be a sunny and warm Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio today.

Our temps will be climbing into the mid to upper 80’s today and the daily highs will remain that way through Friday.

I’m off today, but come Monday at work, the temp will be pushing 87 or 88 and I’ll be looking like this…

I dig it…I do so loooove to sweat. Praise Jeebus and pass the tanning butter, Bitches!!

Ahhhh Summer. The women look lovelier; the beer tastes better, and the air is filled with the aroma of burgers and brats sizzling on the grill.

Of course here in Bagwine, in addition to the aroma, the air is also oft time filled with the sound of shrieks of domestic anger emanating from the yard of the drunken couples having the cookouts.

But? Nothing is perfect.

It gets mighty hot at the Beer Mine in the summer. So hot, that the cotton candy melts, the cooler doors sweat profusely, and Pizza Bill gets a bad case of the ass chap.

Me? It doesn’t bother me too much, because I have a way to deal with the heat. What is it you ask? Take a look at this…

You are probably saying, “Yeah so what Matt-Man; you’re wearing shorts.” That’s true, but guess what?

I ain’t wearin’ any underwear beneath dem der shorts. My boys are free and dry, and so am I. Working sans underwear keeps the ball sweat to a minimum and the junk juice at bay.

More importantly, not wearing underwear brings me closer to our customers. Literally.


They don’t have to know, but I like knowing it, especially when I’m standing a mere six inches away from the face of a hot chick.

Maybe Pizza Bill should try going commando. I bet it would greatly reduce the severity of his ass chap. Just sayin’.

Yes indeed, the Glory of GAWD has sent summer unto Bagwine, Ohio and I am slam damn happy about it. Hell, even my shadow is happy…

Well folks, have a wonderful Sunday in your neck of the woods. I am off to see Ryno before he goes to Church and then I shall proceed to put some tan on my pasty white body.

Oh, and drink more than a few beers, because as I said earlier, the beer tastes better in the Summer.

Amen, and Amen…

Cheers!!

21 comments:

仲筠 said...

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person. ....................................................

Charlene said...

My "kid friendly" comment is; what underwear?

Matt-Man said...

仲筠: Me love you long time. Gom Bui!!

Matt-Man said...

Charlene: Good Woman. Cheers Charlene!!

Mike said...

I don't tan. I pink and then I red. Then I'm back to white.

Scott Oglesby said...

Junk juice sucks! I’ve only ever worn boxers which is almost the same thing as commando. I tried that new style hoping that when I ran they would stop my balls from slapping against my thighs but the itch…the god awful, maddening itch was more than I could take. Maybe I could invent an underwear that holds your balls, and only your balls in place. Like a large egg cup connected to a g-string…?

Have a sunny Sabbath!

Matt-Man said...

Mike: I am susceptible to that scenario as well, but being out in the sun bewteen customers affords the perfect natural tanning bed. Cheers Mike!!

Scott: I'm boxer/boxer brief man myself. I hate restriction. Ha, can't wait for the egg cup g-string. Enjoy your Sunday Scott. Cheers!!

Micky-T said...

been commando for 40 years

Putting dirty underwear back into my backpack while hitching across country seemed like such a silly thing to do.

Hard to change a good thing.

Matt-Man said...

Micky: It's the only way to go. I hate wearing underwear and I hate wearing socks. Cheers Mick!!

MysteryChick said...

Proper air circulation around the boys is crucial, or so I've heard.

I've been commando for 2 years now. I no longer find myself unconsciously adjusting myself (aka yanking thong string out of my ass).

What a relief!

Dana said...

Great ... so now I know which of your readers wear underwear and which don't. But none of you will ever know my underwear status 'cause ... 'cause ... OK - I don't have a good reason, so there!

Matt-Man said...

Chick: Ha. Those darn thong strings. Just think, since we're both commando we could damn near have just dancing together in public fully clothed, That thought makes me hot. Cheers Chick!!

Dana: It is quite the open forum here isn't it? I know what your underwear status at least what it is in mind. Whenever I think of you, you have none on. Cheers Dana!!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I hate socks too, but I do like cute panties - the string bikini style, so it's almost like commando.

Matt-Man said...

Evil: I like cute panties too, and I wear Schmoop's every chance I get. Cheers ETW!!

Dianne said...

when it's very quiet and no one is around can you hear your balls singing in joy as a breeze passes them by?

Happy Sunday Matty

Matt-Man said...

Dianne: How did you know? My balls do love to sing, bay-by. Have a wunnerful Sunday. Cheers Di!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...the delicate yet highly durable human male scrotum deserves nothing less than whatever it takes to ensure comfort and security. Vive la difference!....

Jay said...

The best days to go commando on are the warm days with a nice breeze. That breeze keeps the boys cool and comfy.

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: The scrotum and male junk is much like a strea of water. While delicate, it can erode something has hard stone to silt. Magnificent. Cheers P-Man!!

Jay: There is always at least a gentle breeze circulating through the Beer Mine as it is much like a wind tunnel. Quite refreshing. Cheers Jay!!

Irene said...

No AC at the beer mines?

Matt-Man said...

Irene: Noooooooo. Just a big fan which Pizza Bill will have cranked up this week. We're in the elements; we're not in an inside building as it were. Cheers Irene!!