Tuesday, June 08, 2010

A Post About Nothing

I worked 10-9 on Monday…Usually while working for that long, something will pop into my head which I can write about when I get home and post that night.

Monday night was a bitch. I had nothing. All I had were several ideas that went nowhere.

First…When I need an idea, and ask Schmoop for one, she will typically say, “You can write about how much you love me.”

My reply is always the same, “Schmoop, I need at least a couple hundred words for a post, not a snippet.”

Then I found a picture in the car of me and this chick:

I thought I could write about her and the wedding reception we were attending.

Of course the picture is about 20 years old, and you know what? I haven’t a fucking clue as to who she is. But…

I bet we had sex, and I bet those gorgeous nails left quite a few back scratch marks while I was enjoying her ample breastesses.

I thought perhaps writing about Rush Limbaugh’s weekend wedding. But then I thought, even dickhead Rush has a right to be happy.

Of course, it’s a shame he has to ruin the life of the chick he married in order to do so. I throw up thinking about their honeymoon night sex.


I bet wife number four does too…for years to come, or perhaps, only months.

Nothing exciting happened at work. So I had nothing there to help me out. Drive-By Mikey and I did have fun with Luis, our ice delivery guy, but I’m saving that for Friday.

I was thinking about writing about the B Fucking P oil spill, but it’s just kinda depressing…

Although I did have an idea where planes could fly over the spill, drop gallons of red wine vinegar on the oil and we’d have salad dressing for eons.

My fave dickhead blogger, Doggy Bloggy, begged me to write a post about him in a comment he left yesterday, but eh…Why should I take the time to piss all over a guy who is already soaking in his own urine?

So there you have it. I had nothing, and yet…I managed to throw another round of crap up. This in fact, appears to be a post about nothing.

Maybe I should change the name of my site to, Winefeld.

I hope that during today’s 10-9 work day that something pops into my thought bulb.

If you have any suggestions, by all means, lay it on me.

Cheers!!

23 comments:

Jeff B said...

Thanks man. There went three minutes I'll never get back.

MysteryChick said...

I even like your posts about nothing! How odd.

Matt-Man said...

Jeff: Ha. Very good. I appreciate it when you make fun of me. It keeps me "on keel". Cheers Jeff!!

Chick: Why thanks. I feel it is my duty to put something up. I guess it is my OCD. ; ) Cheers Chick!!

Jay said...

Uhh .. well. Umm .... let's see. Sorry, I got nothing.

Glad to see Rush protecting the sanctity of marriage again though. He's protected it four times now. That's pretty impressive.

Matt-Man said...

Jay: He's a great man, and it was nice to hear that Elton John performed for a dude that makes fun of Barney Frank's sexuality. What a freak show.

I hope Rush had some flunkie p/u some Viagra for him. Cheers Jay!!

Mike said...

"A Post About Nothing"

Isn't that what most posts are about?

Scott Oglesby said...

You’re a great writer Matt; I’d like to see you do just about anything. More satire maybe…off of weird news stories. Movie reviews off of old movies in a funny way. I’d love to see you do anything that stretches your creativity and comfort level.

That poor chick who married Rush; maybe she just wanted to lose some weight. At least she'll have access to the all you can eat OC buffett.

Matt-Man said...

Mike: About nothing? My posts are typically as deep as a Gulf of Mexico oil well. Cheers Mike!!

Scott: Ha. I dig the movie review idea. And the chick who married Rush? I have but one question: Why? Cheers Scott!!

Dana said...

Is Scott trying to sway the content of the great Bagwine Ruminations??

And I cannot believe you don't remember that chick's name. I'd remember her name if I'd "done" her!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...LOL @ Jeff!!...

Matt-Man said...

Dana: He is, isn't he? Why I oughta...She is pretty hot, and I remember the chick "well", but I cannot remember her damn name. It's unbelievable!! Cheers Dana!!

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Ha...So did I. Cheers P-Man!!

David said...

As miserable as the BP thing is I did get a laugh out of the red wine vinegar idea.

I truly cannot even begin to imagine what possessed woman to marry Rush. I would have thought there is not enough money in the world for that.

Matt-Man said...

David: Ha, thanks. I was somewhat amused by it. As for what possessed the chick to marry Limpdick, you answered your own question...She's possessed. Pure, Satanical posession. Cheers David!!

Sedorah said...

Maybe her name rhymes with a female body part.

Marilyn said...

I read all that and my only thought is: Which of the men that I had sex with in the past has forgotten me?

Not very profound or funny. I'll come up with something better next time.

Desert Rat said...

So, I'm hangin' out with my Potluck Posse on Sunday night, and somehow the story of how I stabbed myself in the face with a pair of pliers and was pretty much the laughing stock of the local emergency room as they glued my wound shut with "Super Glue," when my friend got the brilliant idea that we should *all* share the tales our most embarrassing self-inflicted injuries (and by golly we all had a story - or five). The point of this? Why fodder for a future post. Solicit emails, compile, and voila!

Charlene said...

Why that woman would marry Rush?

She has a daddy complex and hasn't skills other than larceny. Or probably more accurately she is pitching a reality show. Rush makes her sign a pre-nup and she takes it to a reality show producer and gets a 13 week deal beginning in 6 months.

Lu' said...

Hey Sweetness you could blog about when we are going to see some of your stand up comedy, hmmm when...

Matt-Man said...

Sedorah: Ha. One of my favroite shows, evah. But no, I don't think it does. Cheers Sedorah!!

Marilyn: Oh you. I just can't for the life of me remember her damn name. I've been thinking all day. Cheers Marilyn!!

Rat: Well that's better than a bunch of prencils in one's face. I know what you mean, but typically something always "hits". It just wasn't there last night. Cheers Rat!!

Matt-Man said...

Charlene: Not a totally out of the realm scenario. But maybe she is in love. Oy!! Cheers Charlene!!

Lu: I am not certain but don't know if I would talk about it anyway. I have quite of bit of stuff I have been writing that doesn't appear on here so that it will be fresh when I am ready. Cheers Dear!!

The Dish said...

Between teh BP oil spill and Righ wing Rush's wedding, you managed to make me pissed off and nauseous. Thanks a ton!

~Isobel~DingoDoll said...

Im thinking her name should be Corletta...She kind of reminds me of a hybrid Courtney Love/Loretta Lynn, whoever she is. As for The BP Horseshit, I mean crisis, I had to laugh at the vinegar idea...I'll bet petrol tatses yummy. I wonder if they could throw in some dolphins they catch in those 'Dolphin Safe' nets they use? That should add some flavor too.