Monday, October 25, 2010

I Miss Bill Clinton

When I look back some three decades there are some things I miss from my childhood.

I miss first and foremost, my mom and dad of course, but there are a few other things that I miss as well.

I miss riding my bike in the summer sun as the pollen laden wind smacked me in the face and made me sneeze.

I miss the smell of fried baloney sandwiches on a warm summer day.

I miss a big pot of chili simmering on the stove on Christmas Eve as mom would stir it while wearing an ugly, ill-fitting, floral patterned apron.

Yeah…I miss those things from my childhood, but you know what I miss from my adulthood?

Aside from missing the night that Schmoop said to me:

“You are the first man to have ever given me an orgasm.”

I miss Bill Clinton.

As the mid-term elections draw near, the economy continues to sputter, and nay-saying, tea bagging candidates steep in their stupidity, I miss former President Clinton more and more.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t dislike President Obama, but the man is so cerebral, if he was getting a blow job from Michelle, he would say to himself…

“This is very pleasing, and my prostate thanks you for your efforts.”

Prior to the O-Man, we had Dubya who was quite the opposite. A forceful and matter-of-fact bastard whom I can hear uttering:

“I dig the Mexicans, but if they continue to kidnap Americans, I’ll cut their fucking heads off and make me a burrito sandwich out of the leftover shit.”

On the other hand, prior to both of these guys there was the Obama/Dubya mixture that was Bill Clinton.

President Clinton was the perfect storm of intelligence, foresight, national sensitivity, and you know what…I miss him.

Even to this day, when Clinton speaks, he not only says something intelligent, he illuminates how desperately this nation needs a political giant like him.

I understand the frustration of this country’s electorate, but c’mon….If the answer to the frustration is to vote for Sharron Angle, Joe Miller, Christine O’Donnell, and Carl “Fucking” Paladino? Screw It.

Oh, Dear God. They…are…morons. And…if you are one who is inclined to vote for those morons, YOU are a moron too.

I know…I know…FOX News, Rush Limbaugh, and Sean “Blockhead” Hannity will say my comment is elitist, but seriously, how can I be an elitist when I live in Bagwine, Ohio?

Fuck Em’ All.

If you vote for any of those folks or think that Sarah Palin would make a good President, you are stupid and must be shot, poisoned, or otherwise killed.

And that’s that.

But what about my right to vote and my First Amendment rights, you ask?

Ha…If you are voting for any of the folks I mentioned, you have no right to anything other than a government grant because you are obviously a thalidomide victim.


I guess my point is, people running for office today, suck. Big Time.

I miss Bill Clinton. I miss Statesmanship. I miss intelligence.

I don’t care how many chicks he had sex with.

I’ll take horny and smart over stupid and well, stupid, anytime.


You can catch Jay and I discussing the stupid state of politics more thouroughly by listening to our I'm with Stupid Blog Talk Radio Show from yesterday:

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio


David said...

I am proud to have served in the Clinton administration. He is smart and competent. Something sorely lacking with so many politicans these days.

I truly never cared who gave him a blow job. If Hillary doesn't care why should I?

Jay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jay said...

Being intelligent, reasonable and practical just isn't allowed anymore.

Matt-Man said...

David: Exactly. I think the guy is fucking brilliant. Cheers David!!

Jay: While the stupidity does afford me the opportunity to laugh, I worry sometimes. Cheers Jay!!

Mike said...

I'm sitting with the TV on watching how I shouldn't vote for the other guy because he/she is a crook.

Scott Oglesby said...

I miss Bill as well. I’m planning to move back in may of next year but if more than one of these tea bagging morons win and Palin/Beck is looking even remotely possible…fuck it, I might just stay.

Micky-T said...

Well said!

Michele said...

Why Bill's sex life was of any interest is beyond me. I ask people who actually have the nerve to say how bad he was whether they are better off now after 8 years of "W". The answer is never a straight on yes. There is always some vague reference to national security and morality but never a "YES my personal household is doing 100% better". Then again I'm not asking anyone from the richest top 2%. From what I hear they are doing 100% better.

Matt-Man said...

Mike: Tell me about it. We have the same shit running 24/7. Cheers Mike!!

Scott: I understand, however, watching O'Donnell give a speech from the floor of the Senate would be comedic gold. Cheers Scott!!

Micky: Why thank ya Mick. Cheers!!

Matt-Man said...

Michele: Of Course!! I was never interested in Clinton's sex life either, but I was jealous of it. Cheers Michele!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...and don't forget that hugable Teddy Bear, Al Gore. After all, he invented the Internets!...

Matt-Man said...

P-Man: He is lovable...or something. Cheers P-Man!!

Allison M. Dickson said...

"If you are voting for any of the folks I mentioned, you have no right to anything other than a government grant because you are obviously a thalidomide victim."

Hilarious and so very true. Of course, I'll take cerebral and aloof over these teabagging fucktards any day of the week too.

Matt-Man said...

Allie: Ha. Well said yourself. Happy Birthday Eve my friend. Cheers Allie!!

Dana said...

Even *I* miss Bill Clinton *gasp*

I know ... I know ... for a LONG time I got stuck on the stuff that didn't matter, but I will say that if there was any way Clinton wound up on my ballot, I'd play with his hanging chad (shamelessly stolen from ... hmmm ... was it you?)

Just sayin' ...

Dianne said...

Oh Matty!! Amen Amen and Amen!!

Beth said...

Amen is right! I too miss him being in office. The politicians now make me now want to vote at all.

MysteryChick said...

I miss Bill. I also miss the job I had while Bill was around. I also miss listening to an intelligent politician speak. I don't dislike Obama but he's ineffective.

I have stopped watching tv until the elections and I am exercising my right NOT to vote this year (well maybe). They're all assholes and I have no desire whatsoever to stand in line for an hour to vote for the least assholiest of them all.

Knight said...

I miss enjoying a good cigar.

Matt-Man said...

Dana: Why yes, yes it was, and Billy Boy? Awesome, just awesome. Cheers Dana!!

Dianne: Ha. Praise the Lord and pass the Bill Clinton. Cheers Sexy!!

Schmoop: we do swoon when we see him on TV, don't we? Cheers and Zoves Schmoop!!

Matt-Man said...

Chick: Yeah, times were pretty good in those years. I will vote as I always do, but if I don't like either candidate in a particular race, I just pass on that race. Cheers Chick!!

Knight: Nothing like enjoying a good smoke. Cheers Knight and thanks again for singing!!

Clay Perry said...

i hope all the "tea baggers" get voted in... at least it'll be entertaining as we sink into oblivion

Matt-Man said...

Clay: I know what you mean Clay. I do yen for the comedic value of a Teabag Takeover, so I am torn. Cheers Clay!!

David Lecter said...

You are a sick twisted individual, but then again most liberals are.

Matt-Man said...

David: Thanks...and suck it!! Cheers!!