Wednesday, November 03, 2010

The 2010 Mid-Term Election Results: Here's To Incest, Pot, and Booze!!

The 2010 mid-term elections are over and…

While many think the results are decisive, I think the results are quite mixed as are my emotions.

The U.S. House of Representatives will once again be run by the Republicans to which I say:

Fuck it. The House is nothing but a playground ground for third-rate lawyers, failed entrepreneurs, and men and women who know that they have no chance in hell of ever getting laid without the title of "Representative" in front of their name.

The Senate? Yeah the GOP made expected gains in that chamber as well, but c’mon…Rand Paul?

Hey, I know he acts like he’s the incestuous spawn of a brother/sister-wife fuck session, which y'all so adore, but he’s not.

Voters of Kentucky, I ask you?

How can you elect a walking freak show of a man who would rather spend time worshipping a false idol named Aqua Buddha than getting naked and sweaty with his uber-hot cousin?

Hey Dems!? Boy do I have a bone to pick with you stupid shits.

You rally behind an insufferable, mealy mouthed milquetoast like Harry Reid in Nevada, and yet in Wisconsin, you leave a smart, independent thinking guy like Russ Feingold to swing in the cold, dairy land winds.

I was disappointed with my own state of Ohio as well. Our incumbent Attorney General Richard Cordray was narrowly defeated by career politician and former U.S. Senator Mike DeWine.

Very sad…Cordray is a good guy.

Our incumbent Governor Ted Strickland was defeated as well by former Congressman and Wall Street mogul John Kasich. Go figure.

I can live with that. I mean, at least I don’t live in Idaho. They re-elected a Governor whose name is, Butch Otter.

Seriously…can one really respect the head of a state who's known as Gov. Otter? Every time I would see him clapping his hands, I would be laughing my ass off.

Conversely, Vermont showed their coolness by electing a Governor whose last name is Dubie.

That’s right. Brian Dubie is now the CEO of the State of Vermont so let’s head to Montpelier and fire up the water bong. Hell…

We may get doubly lucky and run into Rand Paul at the party!!

There was one election result that provided me with some joy…joy so great that my eyes welled up with tears.

Last night, in a sleepy section of northwest Arkansas, a section of America which time had forgotten, something miraculous happened.

Sheriff Taylor was shot in the back. Aunt Bea was finally laid to rest…and Otis was let out of jail.

Residents of Boone County Arkansas, none more famous than my friend and I’m With Stupid co-host, Jayman, no longer have to travel to Missouri to buy alcohol.

A ballot initiative allowing the sale of alcohol has appeared to have passed in Redneckville, AR.

Praise Jeebus and pass the Wild Irish Rose!!

Here’s to my buddy Jay, and to all of the money he will save on gas.

Happy Hump Day, all. And as always…

Cheers!!

34 comments:

Raquel's World said...

I'm not too happy with the results either but hey...whatcha gonna do! But I will send a CHEERS to Jay who can get drunk off the Rose now without the travel expense! At least someone won.

Matt-Man said...

Raquel: I am really just kinda bummed about the Cordray guy I mentioned. He lost to a self-financed slug of a man. Oh well, we shall all press on together, eh? Cheers Sexy!!

Joker_SATX said...

I am with you. I don't know what to make of yesterday's elections either.

However, I feel that the money Jay will save on Gas he will probably use to purchase that extra bottle from time to time....

Matt-Man said...

Joker: Oh there's no probably about it. Jay WILL stock up. Cheers Joker!!

Allison M. Dickson said...

I was happy to have made a at least a tiny blue nick on the giant red machine that came barreling through this state last night. I'm disgusted by the loss of Feingold as well as Rep. Grayson. Progressives lost big last night. :(

Matt-Man said...

Allie: Feingold is the man. In spite of the loss, I can see him running for Prez someday. Perhaps even challenge Obama in the 2012 Primary. Cheers Allie!!

Allison M. Dickson said...

Eek. For the sake of party unity, which we need now more than ever, I'd rather not see Obama challenged in a primary. Unless we want to just go ahead and christen President Romney and get it over with.

Matt-Man said...

Allie: Well my friend, I am no longer a Democrat so I have no party loyalty or urge for unity. I became an Independent this past primary.

I would be all for the candidacy of a 21st Century Robert LaFollette in Russ Feingold.

Cheers Allie!!

Doc said...

*Shakes head @ Rand Paul*

Matt-Man said...

Doc: Oy!! Rand Paul is a anti-pragmatic goofball. But...He has put himself in a tough position.

He is going to want the government to continue to operate and to do so he is at some point, going to have to stray from his and his Teabagger backers principles.

What a fuckin' shame.

Cheers Doc!!

Allison M. Dickson said...

Oh boy. Well, sorry to have lost your patronage. :)

Jay said...

I think Feingold loss is the most "wrong" thing voters did. Those dem congressmen who lost are a dime a dozen. Feingold is the real deal.

Also, Sestak in PA is unfortunate mostly because certain groups on the "left" in the dem party decided they should oust Arlen Specter in the primary and then they didn't show up for Sestak in the general election. That's always been the problem with that crowd. They talk a lot more than they act.

Matt-Man said...

Allie: I have given up on the deaf, monolithic Democratic party, not on good pragmatic Liberals. Cheers Allie!!

Jay: Good example as well. Allie should read your comment and I hope she does. Cheers Jay and Drink Up, Buddy!!

Matt-Man said...

Jay: The Sestak example that is. Cheers!!

Knight said...

It's days like today that I am reminded how much I hate people in general. Stupid Stupid People with their bad decision making skills. Hate them.

Matt-Man said...

Knight: True but think of it this way...Without them, how could we ever hope to feel superior? Cheers Knight!!

David said...

I am very depressed today. Too many good legislators/leaders were defeated and far too many crackpots got elected.

I need a drink

Knight said...

Touche

Matt-Man said...

David: Don't be depressed...As John Mellencamp would say: "Well, aint that America." Cheers David!!

Knight: Everything will be alright. Cheers Knight!!

Dana said...

Goodness! Am I your token Conservative or what??

Feingold and Rand Paul were BIG mistakes. Very little else surprised me in these midterms.

I wonder if all of those folks who have demanded no one say anything bad about Obama will now insist that no one say anything bad about the Republican controlled House.

Somehow I doubt it - it never works quite that way.

Scott Oglesby said...

I actually learned a lot from you today. I haven’t been paying any attention to any of it (save the craziest of the crazy…witches and bitches..) so you’ve really filled me in. The best part of the whole thing was the image you graced me with of an otter clapping. That’s the kind of shit that will stick with me for a while.

Now I have to find out who this Rand Paul guy is. I thought he was a fucking map. Or is that Rand McNally” Never mind.

Matt-Man said...

Dana: I don't personally know of anyone who says, "Don't speak ill of Obama." We do it here all the time. And, I can speak for "the others".

Are there some talking heads who do? Sure.

But here...I speak ill of anyone who is an assshole regardless of party. And that is all I care about.

I will say, for someone who speaks of voting for the person rather than the party so much, you mention the Republicans a lot. And with favor.

Cheers Dana!!

Matt-Man said...

Scott: If Rand Paul was Cher, he'd be singing, "If I Could Turn Back Time." Cheers Scott!!

Beth said...

I have to make this quick! I agreen with you;) God having no computer sucks!!

Matt-Man said...

Schmoop: I appreciate that...I shall have sausage sammiches upon your return home along with a hearty handshake..Since, that is all we can do right now. Also...

I agreen with you too. Cheers Schmoop!!

Desert Rat said...

Sigh...and in AZ we're stuck with Jan,and the "wrinkly old guy," again.

Desert Rat said...

On the upside, we can still take our guns grocery shopping.

Matt-Man said...

Rat: Hee...Yeah I know, but be firm of heart, Dear One.

When you kill those illegals with your guns and eat them...delight in the fact that they taste like chicken.

Cheers Rat!! : )

Mike said...

So Jay's not buying booze in MO anymore? Damn, there goes that tax financed road project I was hoping would get done.

Matt-Man said...

Mike: Well, it's okay...Every time Jay enters, the property taxes go down.

Actually, in that part of Missouri, the property taxes probably go up. Let me get back with ya on that. Cheers Mike!!

Charlene said...

The precinct where I live and in which I worked yesterday for the Board of Elections, is almost totally Democrat. The people coming to vote were lower middle class and the poor. There are a lot of immigrants who live in this part of Louisville and it was heart warming to see them vote. Mothers with their kids. People dressing up in their best clothes to vote. Whole families coming with the kids holding their parents hands while they marked the ballot. I heard a woman dressed in a burka telling her daughter what she was doing, "I'm voting and my vote will help elect the best people to represent us." I thought she was probably Muslim and her accent was Indian.

In defense of Kentuckians, Rand Paul is not a Kentuckian. He's a Texan.

In further defense of Kentuckians who voted for Rand Paul, they live outside cities of less than 50,000 residents. Mr. Conway got 3 to 1 votes against Paul in large cities. The majority of the state budget is paid by Lexington and Louisville residents. The majority of he state budget is paid out to people outside Louisville and Lexington.

If you disagree with the wack-jobs who were elected yesterday, remember their promises while campaigning. I shudder to think they might be able to accomplish some of the things they spoke about.

Dana said...

Hey! I favorably mentioned Democrats AND Republicans in my comment - 2 of each! I'd say that's about as bi-partisan as one can get!

Quit picking on me :)

Matt-Man said...

Charlene: It was just bit of satire. Cheers Charlene!!

Dana: Schmoop said to shut up and she'll show you her tits while wearing the new shirt. She's like Shatner. Cheers Dana!!

Dana said...

*NOTE TO SELF* Don't talk so much if ever invited to Bagwine again.