Time for another installment of He Said...She Said
Matt: Holy Cow, the election is over and you know what? We have been together as friends or otherwise, for ten fucking years!!
Schmoop: OMFG! You’re right! Whatever shall we do for our anniversary?
Matt: Lessee…I all but broke my tailbone last night, and you are raggin’…Since we can’t have sex, we could eat a lot.
Schmoop: God, how pathetic…sounds good, can you make one of your casseroles with what we have? Mmmmm…casserole.
Matt: I was thinking sausage sammiches with green beans. I’ll make ya a double!!
Schmoop: Cool! Ooo, with the shelly beans? Good Lord, what have I become? I used to be fun, I swear!
Matt: You’re still fun, but I remember when you used to get more excited about me. Not Shelly Beans.
Schmoop: Baby, I’m still excited about you. You’re my love. I just need to get my head out of my ass, and show it more, and I will. Things with me are much, much better…I swear.
Matt: So….um…you’re going to show your head more, or your ass more? Ya lost me here.
Schmoop: I will show MY LOVE more, you fucking dicktwizzlingfucknozzle! Yes that is one word, butt hole. Please try to keep up, m’kay?
Matt: It’s about time. You have always been so scared to do that. Ten years dear!! Ten!!
Schmoop: Babe, I was afraid of YOU. You have the power to hurt me, and I don’t like that, but…I’m not afraid anymore. Hell, I’m even starting to make decisions without asking you what you think. It’s a start…isn’t it?
Matt: Yes it is…and you should really stop that.
Schmoop: Ok, but I’m really sick of pumping my own gas! Hee, I said pumping!!
Matt: That’s HOT. Will you be nicer to me if I pump with cash rather than credit?
Schmoop: Sure, but you have neither.
Matt: So…where does that leave me?
Schmoop: With me silly man, with me…
Matt: I can live with that, and or, in this case, you.
Schmoop: Ha! You’re a cuntnugget, and I love you with all I have. So there.
Matt: As long as I’m your cuntnugget, and by the way….Unlike last week, I’ll save this installment.
Schmoop: You were off all day, so odds are 50/50. Damn, last week’s was good too, butt munch! I say that with the utmost affection.
Matt: I appreciate that and when I get back with the Rose, Ima gonna pee, get naked, listen to you hemorrhage, and put on my new ND shirt. I love you.
Schmoop: God you are a fuckhole! I love you!!! Smooches!
Matt: Yeah, I love you too, ya shit.
And there you have it folks. The Bagwine Ruminations, He Said…She Said segment for the week.
I hope you stop by tomorrow for a very special I’m With Stupid promo. Until then…