Friday, December 31, 2010

He Said...She Said

And now, albeit a day late...Another scintillating installment of He Said...She Said

Matt: What a day huh? Could today be labeled, “Dumbest People in the World Day” or what?

Schmoop: No shit! People suck, a lot. Did you just hear the fucktard (yes it is one word) upstairs?

Matt: Right on schedule. Yelling and cussing as usual. There must be a heated bowl game taking place on TV between Okaloosa Walton Junior College and No Name State.

Schmoop: Ha! No doubt! So, why do people suck in your world? Then maybe, I’ll tell you why they suck in mine.

Matt: Today, I have been assaulted by folks who think they know my biddness. People who think they know how to write. Write? Gimme a break. I can’t perform live on a radio show well, but I write really goodly.

Schmoop: You write fantastically! People want to tell you what to do because it makes them think they are better. You know what I say to that? Fuck Them!!

Matt: Hee…Fantastically…That’s a word now, but of course you know…We common people are not allowed to make up words, unlike Webster and that Roger Thesaurus guy.

Schmoop: OMG! I know you meant Roget’s! Ok, here we go. UPS didn’t pick up yesterday at my place. Why, you ask? Because our regular guy was not working.

The “child” who was taking his place, said he knocked at the door at 3:15. WRONG! I was in the office and the really, really old dude was at the back door. Liar! So our stuff didn’t get picked up until today. Ask me why that is bad? Go on ask.

Matt: Why? (He asks, for he is afraid to do anything else.)

Schmoop: BECAUSE, the stuff we ship…in the cold, tends to break if they are thrown around in the truck! So, a day wait is not good. Fuckers!!!! Ok, I’m done, and you??

Matt: I’m done too…As much as I hate the world and the many people who make it up (yeah I know, bad grammar)…I do love you.

Schmoop: I love you too baby! So here is to a better year. We deserve it. Oh, and I am also looking forward to being naked with you for the next four days! Yay, me!!!

Matt: Yes…Yes we do…and screw that “yay you” shit…Yay Me!! Here’s to you…And now…Suck It!!

Have a safe and wonderful New Year's Eve. If you're near me at midnight prepared to get kissed, and yes, there will be tongue.



Dana said...

Happy New Year youse two!

MysteryChick said...

Happy New Year to both of you!

Did you say there will be tongue? I'm hopping the first flight from Logan to Bagwine!

Matt-Man said...

Dana: Same to yuz. Call us at midnight; we'll all tongue phone kiss. Cheers Dana!!

Chick: Oh Baby...Let me know at which gate you arrive and I'll be waiting....and drooling. Cheers and Happy New Year Sexy!!

David said...

Happy New Year to you guys. I will have you know that I plan to make my 1st glass of champagne a toast to the glories of Matt-Man and Schmoop and for 2011 to be a huge, throbbing, explosive success that puts a smile on your faces and leaves you panting with joy.

Woo Hoo!!!

Matt-Man said...

David: Ha. Why thank ya David. Have a great year yourself and have fun tonight. Cheers David!!

Jay said...

Happy New Year y'all!

Anonymous said...

Happy new year Matt-Man.

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Right back atcha Hot Shot. Cheers Jay!!

Steven: Thank ya sir and same to you. Cheers Steven!!

Raquel's World said...

Happy New Year!

Mike said...

HNY - And where are that kiss and tongue going to be applied? LOOK OUT GIRLS!!!!

You can Call me AL said...

Here's to a great New Year!

May you have good health....
Great Wealth......
and your stein never be empty.

Thanks for all the morning reads.


metalmom said...

Happy New Year Matty. Slip that Schoop.....something....and tell it's from me.

Drink up me hearty!!