Fire Up The Grill...It's Nearly Memorial Day!!

I can’t believe that a week from today is Memorial Day. Holy Cow!!

How time does fly when one is a used up old man, but nonetheless.

I really dig Memorial Day weekend.

The smell of brats cooking on the grill…the taste of Ice Cold Beer…and creepy, candy throwing child molesters Shriners buzzing around on tiny scooters all over Main Street U.S.A.

Memorial day also ushers in the unofficial start of summer.

Ahhh summer. In fact, after a cool start to this week in Bagwine, the outlook is for a stretch of weather with temps hovering right around 80.

This Memorial Day weekend is going to be another rip roarin’ good time for me. Oh yeah, Bitches.

Friday, Sunday, and Memorial Day itself…I’ll be working!! Doesn’t that sound fun? You betcha!!

Actually, I’m glad that I have the job and I like it, but seriously, unless one is brain dead, wouldn’t ya rather have a long weekend?

Moreover, in addition to our regular customers, with the long weekend and warmer weather, we’ll have people come through that have never been through a beverage drive-thru before.

Oh Dear GAWD!! It only takes one fascinated newbie to get the line backed up for what seems like miles. (More on that later this week.)

On the upside…Warmer weather equals fewer clothes on the chicks. Standing next to the cars, towering over the windows of said babes, my eyes will be focused on Cleavage Central.

But still…I’ll be working, so…bleah. But listen to this, my friends, my weekend gets better.

The ex, Ryno, and his grandparents are headed to Missouri for a family reunion on Friday and returning Monday.

So what, you ask? Well, someone has to feed the cat, Sherlock, while they’re gone. That’s right. That someone would be me. They asked me last night, and I said yes.

Now why does one need to feed the cat? Can’t they just put out a few extra bowls of food? Folks, let me tell ya…

Sherlock is an orange, 16 year old, 16 pound Maine Coon Cat with a whole lotta arthritis and only four teeth. He can only eat soft food.

Spending part of my Memorial Day weekend with an old cat in a house that used to belong to me?…More Holiday joy for the Matt-Man.

On the upside, it will be nice spending time with a living, breathing being that has fewer teeth than me, however…

Knowing my luck, the poor bastard will finally keel over during my watch and it will be yet another thing that “I have done wrong.” Oy.

But as I mentioned, Saturday is a day free from work, so I can toss on some brats, drink beer, and have hot sex with Schmoop, right? Well…

Saturday is the 23rd of the month. Do you know what Schmoop is typically doing on the 23rd of each month. That’s right…BLEEDING!!

So, I tell you now…instead of mustard, just go ahead and pass me the hand crème for MY brat.

I just want to ask you all…

While you are having fun this weekend with friends and family and hopefully remembering those who gave their lives in war, take time to remember me, and what I’ll be doing this weekend…

Working, wet-nursing a geriatric cat, and yanking on my wank.

God Bless America.

Cheers!!

Sweeping and Streaming

Time to move on and sweep away all of the political thoughts from my head…

And folks, there is only one way to do that…

It’s Stream of Consciousness time!!

I am off all day today, so you know I’ll be drinking…much. I think I am just going to drink beer today. Why? I don’t know.

I do know that I have a moustache whisker that is ingrown or something. Damn it hurts. Maybe I’ll trim my goat today. My goatee morons…ya know, my face? Oy!!

I don’t have a real, barnyard type goat. But if I did, I’d name him Cecil. That, I think, is a good name for a goat. Shamma lamma ding dang and suck my toe.

Oh shit…I just had a political thought. Has Sarah Palin begun her run for Prez in 2012, yet? I think we’ll know she is running when we see her in a $10,000 dress while whackin’ a moose.

Okay, Matt-Man…clear those thoughts. No more politics. Think about sex, Matt-Man. Hey, I have a new lust in my life…

Who, you ask? Erin Esurance the cartoon insurance chick. She is frickin’ hot.

I do love me some babes with pink hair. I don’t care what my deductible may be, bend over Erin. I’m gonna plow right into ya.

Hey…If a truck carrying Pringles went over the side of a bridge and landed in the water below, would the authorities refer to it as a chipwreck?

I have a song in my heart right now, unfortunately I don’t know the lyrics. That really blows. I’m really getting hungry right now.

Speaking of eating, if Abel had been eaten by his brother, would that have made his brother a Cainabel? Only GAWD knows.

During the Presidential election I was called a Liberal by some, and it was said that I only pick on Conservatives.

Not true…the other day I was in a store and witnessed some hot, yet touchy feely uber left wing babe dealing with her annoying, screaming brat.

She was saying, “Timmy needs a time out. Doesn’t he Timmy? Stop crying or Mommy will put you in time out. Does Timmy need a time out?”

No honey, Timmy needs a swift kick in the ass.

I wanted to say...

“Hey Timmy, I’m gonna pull your daddy’s wife’s pants down and smack her on her smokin’ hot ass, demonstrating what you are gonna get if you don’t shut the hell up. Capiche?”

Okay, I think I have purged myself of the political thought. I may be ready to talk about other things during the coming days.

Beginning tomorrow, I will be ready to talk about what I am best at…whatever that is. WTF? My right pinky toe hurts. Much.

Oh well, that’s it for my stream. And now, if you’ll excuse me I must go discharge another type of stream.

Enjoy your Thursday. Mine will be consumed with me…well…um, consuming.

Cheers!!