Dispatches From My Ass: Streaming Into the Principal's Office

Ok, so here we go again. Thursday’s with the Schmoop. Whoo!!!

What exciting Dispatch from My Ass do I have for you today boys and girls?? I don’t know, but I was told it better be funny.

Ha! Good enough? Sigh…

Let’s see.

My day consists of going to a crusty, smelly, (Oh God the smell!), creepy, should be condemned, and or burned down hole in the wall I like to call work.

There I am surrounded by crusty, smelly (Oh God, again with the smell!), creepy, should be condemned people! How exciting!! I live the high life, I tells ya!

Well hell, that’s not funny. It’s just pathetic. The stupid around me grows! Like the mold, and asbestos surrounding me. Wait…I feel a poem coming on…

Nope, sorry, brain cells dying!!!! Help me!!

Anyhoo, I’ve been at this “job” for almost eight years now, and for the last six months, have been down to 24, count em, 24 hours a week.

I must say, I do enjoy having my Friday’s on Wednesday, and I am looking for a job where I am NOT exposed to toxic waste… building, and people wise.

I’m a damn fine catch if I do say so myself, and somebody fine will come along, make me forget about lovin’ you, and the Southern Cross….

Sorry, I digress.

I guess you might call this post a stream of consciousness, but hey, I’m not conscious!!!

Oh, and by the way…this ain’t funny! Ha! I crack myself up!

So how many people out there got into trouble in school? Me, I started in the first grade…spent most of that grade in the hall.

My teacher finally moved my desk out there.

Then I spent two weeks in the principal’s office in sixth grade for crimes I shall not mention…well, okay, I will.

Four of us sixth graders were alone at school for a week, while all the coddled, spoiled, rich other sixth graders went to Camp?

We were totally unsupervised by any of the other teachers who had class I might add.

So, I went skateboarding down the hall for God’s sake.

Where were these “adults” while I was hangin’ ten, as I turned Horace Mann Elementary School into the Bonsai Pipeline!?

I plead innocent by reason of no fucking supervision.

And then…myself and two of the other three abandoned sixth graders (all boys) decided to find out what lay beneath the trap door in the Audio/Visual room.

We entered it and spent an entire hour underneath the school. That’s right, it led to the middle of a great big empty under the school.

Anyhoo, the third boy who didn’t go with us, turned us in to the evil, blowhard, my shit doesn’t stink, Principal Meeks.

I guess the little shit, thought the other two boys were getting something that he wasn’t, so he squealed.

Little did the dumb ass know that no one would be getting any from me for several years to come.

I spent the rest of the week in Meeks’ office while the other kids were at camp.

(By the way Drive-By Mikey, I know YOU got to go to camp that year.) I have zoves!!! Not really.

So that’s about all I’ve got.

After sixth grade, I moved on with my life (all my teachers from that time, and the evil Principal Meeks are dead, no evidence), and became the model citizen you all know and love.

Keep something in mind with this post….I’m NOT CONSCIOUS!!! And there are more than a few people ‘round here that prefer me that way.

Zoves,
Schmoop

Matt-Man says...Tune into tomorrow as Schmoop's brother, David, makes his Bagwine debut!!