Holy Mucous Matt-Man

It’s Friday and I got nothing…No humorous stories. No clever bon mots. Sad, really. So far today, the only exciting thing that has happened is well…nothing. Unless you count an incident that happened early this morning.

After my “soon as I wake up” cigarette, I went to brush my teeth. Of course upon entering the bathroom my lungs began to rale bilaterally. My chest was heaving, begging to emit the mucous build up that yesterday’s smokes had planted. Finally, I coughed and hacked and spit out a big ol’ chest clearing loogie. For those of you who have smoked for awhile, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.

However, this was no ordinary heap of tracheal goo. No, indeed my friends. Upon further inspection of the respitory glue, I noticed something odd. The gelatinous mass had taken the form of the VIRGIN MARY. I stood in quiet awe as my questioning eyes peered at the holy green fruit mold that had been expectorated from my body.

It is still sitting in the sink in all of its maternal glory. I am hoping it will eventually coagulate enough to where I can sell it on ebay and make a few bucks. So I guess that things have been exciting after all.

In fact, this could be a new gig for me. I am thinking that if I experiment with different brands of smokes, someday I may be able to heave Jesus and a couple of Wise Men out of my chest. Smoke em if ya got em!!

And Now…Our Moment of Hinn

“… Adam not only flew, he flew to space. He was—with one thought he would be on the moon."

--Benny Hinn