No Shalom, No Salam

I apologize for missing yesterday’s post, but due to an accident involving a pint of Rose and my keyboard, posting was not possible. It did provide me with the time for some deep ruminating, and the following is the fruit of that reflection.

It’s been a little over a week since the permanent hatred between Israel and Arab groups has manifested itself into intense, sustained warfare. Hezbollah has kidnapped Israeli soldiers, fired rockets into the Promised Land, and somehow managed to hit an Israeli warship with an explosive unmanned drone. I can’t remember the name of the drone, but we’ll just refer to the device as “The Flying Falafel”. As a result of these attacks, innocent Israeli civilians have been killed as well.

In response, Israel has shelled Hezbollah positions, destroying arms caches and vaporizing some of the group’s members. The IDF have also blockaded Lebanese ports, lay ruin to Beirut International Airport, and all the while bombarding power grids, food pantries, and bulldozing settlements in the Gaza Strip. As a result of these attacks, innocent Lebanese and Palestinian civilians have been killed as well.

The shouts of “cease fire” are now echoing through the world. “Israel, enough is enough.” “Hezbollah, Hamas, knock it off.” It may happen at some point, but not quickly enough. While there are no GOOD reasons NOT to end the violence, the reasons are many.

First off, if a cease fire were to be called, that act would once again push back the date of the Rapture. Too many folks have waited way too long for the second coming of Christ and the end times. They WANT the fire and brimstone engulfing of Earth. They DESERVE the plagues. They are READY to walk side by side with the Almighty in his kingdom of gold. Praise be to God!!! To deny those folks their reward is just plain cruel, cruel I say.

Another reason is that the Israeli forces have been mobilized. Troop deployments, jet fuel, munitions, and other items necessary for carnage and destruction have been put into play. Let me tell you, that ain’t cheap, pal. If the Israelis have already gone to the trouble of spending that kind of dough, a cease fire would not be cost effective. Troops just standing around eating, and fighter jets simply touring the wild blue yonder and not bombing anything, isn’t going to sit well with the Secretary of Shekels. There’s not a Jewish bean counter in the world who would find that acceptable.

Maybe Hezbollah might call for one. Ha Ha, that’s funny. Hezbollah is called a terrorist group. It’s what they do. They blow things up, kill, and kidnap unsuspecting infidels. If they stopped doing that, we would have to call them something other than a terror group. Perhaps we could call them the “Hezbollah Men’s Club and Literary Society”, or perhaps the “Reformed Order of the Tall Cedars”. Can you imagine how much fun the other terror groups would make of them? And, well, they’re just plain full of hate.

The Lebanese government could beg for a cease fire…Wait a minute, they already have, but who the hell listens to them?

The Bush Administration could pressure Israel to stop, but that would be Un-American and go against his policy on wiping out terrorists. That action would also be a slap in the face to those who died on 9-11. And don’t you dare question that.

Democrats and Republicans in the House and Senate could wax poetically on the floor, encouraging both sides to lay down their arms and cool off. But as this is an election year, members on both sides are soliciting (yes, I am making an allusion to them being whores) the Jewish Lobby to make a donation to their campaign war chests. Although there are no strings attached of course, to ask them to “ease up” during this transaction would be just plain rude. Simply pocket the cash, light up a smoke, and walk away.

So folks, sad to say there may be no letting up in the near future. In the Middle East, God is not King, nor is Allah. Over and over both sides crucify their respective deity on the cross of violence, and inhumanity is the altar on which they prey.


And Now, Our Moment of Hinn…

Our moment today is a bit different than the norm. While there is no way in hell, the principals discussed will have any kind of cease-fire; starting this weekend we can make our own cease-fire. Illustrating how we can go about that, ladies and gentlemen, the one and only, Mr. Tom Lehrer:

Oh, the white folks hate the black folks,
And the black folks hate the white folks.
To hate all but the right folks
Is an old established rule.

But during National Brotherhood Week, National Brotherhood Week,
The IDF and Hezbollah are dancing cheek to cheek.*
It's fun to eulogize
The people you despise,
As long as you don't let 'em in your school.

Oh, the poor folks hate the rich folks,
And the rich folks hate the poor folks.
All of my folks hate all of your folks,
It's American as apple pie.

But during National Brotherhood Week, National Brotherhood Week,
New Yorkers love the Puerto Ricans 'cause it's very chic.
Step up and shake the hand
Of someone you can't stand.
You can tolerate him if you try.

Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics,
And the Catholics hate the Protestants,
And the Hindus hate the Moslems,
And everybody hates the Jews.

But during National Brotherhood Week, National Brotherhood Week,
It's National Everyone-smile-at-one-another-hood Week.
Be nice to people who
Are inferior to you.
It's only for a week, so have no fear.
Be grateful that it doesn't last all year!

--Tom Lehrer
* Apologies for the update Mr. Lehrer