While the war rages in Iraq, Krazy Kim is shaking the Korean peninsula, and pages are being turned in D.C., veterinarian Mark Stetter has "got his hands around the big problem" that faces the world…oversexed elephants. Yep, the continent of Africa is in the middle of a pachyderm pump fest, and the population is getting out of control.Mr. Stetter has come up with a solution. Using a three year $60,000 grant, he has developed a way to perform vasectomies on elephants. A flurry of thoughts came to mind when I saw the article.
Initially I was very excited because I thought by "elephants" they were referring to members of the Republican party, but alas, they were not. And then, four words immediately popped into my head while thinking of actually performing this procedure...“Easy now, big fella.” I mean I would go ballistic if someone was trying to grab my balls without an invitation. I can only imagine what an elephant would do.
Some questions surfaced as well. You know...who, what, how, and most importantly, how big are elephant balls? Most of these questions were answered in the following passage…
“The two biggest challenges: elephants are the size of semi-trucks, and their testicles — the size of a "respectable cantaloupe," Stetter said — are behind 2 inches of skin, a foot of muscle and 4 inches of fat.
"What we want to do is get to the middle of something that's in that semi-truck, and we want to do it without emptying out everything that's in the truck," Stetter explains.
Using the tools doctors use for arthroscopic knee surgeries on humans — a laparoscope and a video monitor — Stetter can perform what he says is a two-hour procedure to sterilize male elephants without disrupting their important testosterone production.”
From this I came away with a couple of thoughts. One, tools used for knee surgery do not, I repeat, DO NOT belong on any living organism’s nuts. It’s just not right, in fact I find myself typing this with my legs crossed. Secondly, It did provide me with a new pick up line…”Hey Sexy, wanna come back to my place and empty my truck?” Lastly, I will never be able to look at a cantaloupe the same way again, especially a “respectable” one.
The advances in medical science are amazing. Next thing you know someone will be able to offer breast implants to female boa constrictors.
If you want to read the whole story, click here: “Dumbo Gets Snipped”
Cheers…
And Now, Our Moment of Motto…
Idaho: “No, You Da Ho’…”
7 comments:
Oh my... Well, at least we know that if the humans don't end up making it, there will be plenty of elephants to carry on in our stead. Of course, not if that wacky doctor has his way.
Oh and by the way- there is no such thing as a respectable cantaloupe. Never never never. :)
Good heavens, Matt! I'm no prude, but the picture took me aback. A visual of a couple of pachyderms doing the nasty made me laugh out loud!
You can uncross your legs now.
Allie, while I agree with you about the canteloupe, I do respect a nice pair of melons.
Hi Lizza, glad you stopped by. I hope things are or have gotten back to normal...and thanks my legs were starting to cramp up.
Matt- What makes a melon "respectable"? I'm curious. lol
Lizza- Animals having sex never fails to disturb me for some reason. lol
Size, roundness, perkiness, and availability, of course...
2 inches of skin, a foot of muscle and 4 inches of fat -- Just so, so disturbing to think about that. I had arthroscopic surgery done on my knee, and picturing it with the above conditions -- urggh. Why can't they just bring back some good ole ivory hunting? I bet some starving people somewhere would be more than willing to eat elephant jerky. And everyone wants a stool made of an elephant foot. I can't be the only one, can I?
Instead of a stool made from an elephant's foot, I'd rather have a foot of elephant stool...Great conversation piece!!
Post a Comment