Continuing with my vision for this country, when elected, I will also do the following:I will stop the import of cold weather from Canada.
My weekend retreat of Camp David will be renamed “The Tender Trap”.
Alcohol and Tobacco industries will be nationalized, allowing all Americans regardless of income to enjoy a fifth of Rose and a pack of Basic Full Flavor.
Cheney, Condi, and Rummy will be used to determine exactly how effective water boarding is.
Instead of being called, “Mr. President”, I will opt for the phrase, “Your Wise and Benevolent God Send”. In less formal settings, simply refer to me as, “Your Coolness”.
Every Thursday, I will publicly mock Dennis Hastert.
I will sublet Guantanamo to the Shawnee Nation allowing them to build a casino resort. Take that Fidel!!
My Middle East policy would be to ship mass amounts of vicodin, Wild Irish Rose, and recordings of sitar music to the region and hope that everyone overdoses or at least calms down.
My greatest legacy in the area of Foreign Policy will be the American-Australian Anti-Creepy Neutrality Act. The U.S. will agree to stop production of “Barney” if the Aussies enforce a cease and desist order upon “The Wiggles”.
I will secure our border with Mexico by sending a brigade of well-armed mimes to patrol the area.
I will initiate a National Cultural Tolerance program called “Velveeta, Bringing Us All Together.”
Not only will I sign legislation legalizing gay marriage, I will strongly encourage public displays of hot, sweaty, chick on chick action.
Not a bad start, I think. If you have any other suggestions please feel to drop them off, and as always, Cheers…
NOTE: Tomorrow is a very special day at Bagwine Ruminations. We will be celebrating the birthday of someone who is very dear to this site. Make sure you stop by and throw out some warm Bagwine birthday wishes to this individual.
18 comments:
You have, in two posts, described my utopia. Please PLEASE let this not be a dream. LOL
I especially love your idea for the Wiggles. Be on the look out for the newest Aussie sensation: The Upside-Down Show. I have a feeling that these two guys, one of whom looks strikingly like Michael Stipe of REM, could be the REAL Instruments of the Apocalypse.
I'll alert NORAD and have them stop any broadcast into the States by these evil-doers of which you speak.
Can I send my application for US citizenship to you, Your Coolness, when you get elected? (Application for dual citizenship, that is.) A Barney-free nation sounds heavenly. So does the idea of unity through cheese.
Could you also consider mandating the use of spandex as the material of choice for the trousers of the men of the Armed Forces?
By all means, you can even come to the White House for some cream chesse, beer, and a photo op.
I will alert the forces at Subic Bay immediately about the introduction of Kevlar Supported Spandex.
Y'know, Benny, I am kinda busy saving the free world right now, but since you have Tyra Banks on your site today, I'll do it.
Not that I'm saying that this is what YOU should do as Prez, but if I were president, I would legalize marijuana and plant it down that useless grassy median strip separating every major interstate -- then tax the hell out of it.
I still would be passionately against driving under the influence, but any other time, who the F cares?
Just think, we could all be more mellow, the deficit would shrink (not that anyone would care anymore, dude), the brownies & munchies industry would go through the effin' ceiling, and that useless strip of median grass would be put to good use!
Clearly, I think too much when I'm on an interstate.
I could be your ambassador for llamas and the hemp industry.
Mr. Mo, you can be my drug czar, and by that, I mean that your job will be to promote the legalization and public consumption of recreational drugs. God Speed!!
FYI for Morgen-that grassy green strip is now apparently a runway in the great state of Georgia
Your Wise and Benevolent God-Send, I do believe you have created the greatest utopian world. May I live in your imaginary universe???
http://www.macon.com/mld/macon/news/15644274.htm
Here's the link for the median runway...that could have and should have been use for hemp growth.
So it's your name I've been screaming out all these years????
I do believe I could fill the role of Ambassador of Cheesiness! You may address me as Most Humble Goddess!
Your Coolness:
Actually I happen to like the import of cold weather from Canada, so I'll have to be a conscientious objector on that one, but hey, I'm with you 100% on everything else.
Morgen will make a lovely drug-czar. Can he dress up like Wonder Woman while he fulfills these duties?
And can we all safely assume, after seeing recent posts, that Rachael Ray will be your first lady?
(Or did I just get myself extradited to Canada? Oh, well. At least the weather's nice there.)
Oh, oh, oh! I'm with Mo on the legalization of cannabis. I'll join his bureau. I'm all for the beautification of freeways and feeling funky. :-D
Happy Birthday Matt Man.
May the sun shine upon you
may you make much hay, poetry and unadulterated bottles of Irish Rose.
Many many more years of madness, mattness and manness to you.
Amen.
Welcome all to my world...Thanks H, but it's not my B-Day. You are welcome to do anything you want Lizza. Janna, I am just stopping the import of temps below 20F. We'll still have snow. I have already been thinking of you as a Godess, Cheesy. Thanks for stoppung by aisby of course you may dwell here.
WOOHOO! You'd definitely get my vote.
God bless America! :p
I agree with everything, except for the Wiggles. I'm sorry, but I find Greg (Wiggle of the Blue Shirt) hot. It's probably some subliminiminal* messages embedded in the show, but I think it's safe to rid the world of Barney and the goofy ass kids who flock around him on his show.
Morgen, your pot idea is perfect, and I look forward to your Drug Czar stint in WW outfit, as Janna mentioned.
*Subliminiminal goes along with strategery. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me...you don't get fooled again!
"You Forgot Poland!!" So, you wanna wiggle on a Wiggle...Interesting.
Why Thanks , Irene!!
Post a Comment