Ramma Lamma Ding Dang and pass the Cheez Whiz…It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiiday!!!Y’know I would have really liked to have partied with Ben Franklin. We could get ourselves several busty French wenches, some harpsichord music, a barrel of wine, and get down and dirty in Frog Land…Wooooo Hoooo. I bet Ben wasn’t very hygienic. Speaking of which, what is the seeping pustule on my ass?
Big Ohio State-Michigan game tomorrow in Columbus. I hope Michigan cleans their clock. I hate both teams, so I always root for the underdog in this one. I’d give anything to be a college cheerleader. Spend the game holding some hot chick up by the ass…Got ass in my hands, yes I do, got ass in my hands, how ‘bout you? Go Matt Go!!
If a lady with sagging breasts went to the moon, would they reinflate? Okay bad choice of words…Would they perk up? I like to call them fun bags, because they are so much fun. I love your fun bags although they’re headed south…I love your fun bags when they’re in my mouth…Sweet
Carol Channing is coming to perform in my town tomorrow night. One word…Why?
I’ve lost so much weight that none of my pants fit. Every pair I own, makes me look like MC Hammer…I’ve seen him on TBN before. That’s funny, too legit my ass, Hammer.
And that’s exactly what I’ll be doing later, getting hammered. Glug Glug Glug.
Haircare Joe carries a bowling average of 209, impressive. I like to bowl. My cat needs fresh water. I am nearly legally blind so if I take my glasses off and watch the Christmas lights blink rapidly, I know what Timothy Leary experienced. Cool. New blogger in town on my sidebar. Adav does the “Blimey” blog. She left the States to live in the UK. I bet she was actually kicked out of the country. She likes dirty martinis. Donut boy, he’s the one you need to call…Donut Boy, you can find him in the mall…Damn, I forgot to tell you that my…Here kitty kitty
And Now, In the Know with Haircare Joe…
Dear Haircare,
The Trinity Broadcasting Network, specifically Paula White, has been begging me to send them $68.19 per month for a year in order to receive my benefits from the Lord. Is this a good investment or should I do something else with the yearly sum of $818.28?
Prayerfully Yours,
Antoinette Delmonico
Santa Barbara, California
Dear Ms. Delmonico,
I applaud your sensibility in analyzing your monthly cash flow. Though no price can be rationalized for eternal salvation, please consider the power of compound interest. Your $68.19 can be invested in a sound Mutual Fund that will provide a retirement for you and your loved ones. Just think, your fund will grow and the management fees that they will charge will go to money hungry bastards who will in turn give more money to Paula. So please, tell Paula that Haircare has shown you the light and your money is being given to who really needs it…the Republican Right.
P.S. I love your steaks.
Joe Haircare is a former advisor to Ken Lay, and Associate Pastor of the “Crying Out Loud Pentecostal Church and Car Wash”.
Have a great weekend. Spend it entangled in a mass of twisted limbs and sweaty flesh. See you all back here Monday….Cheers!!
39 comments:
You are correct that Ben would have been the best party-animal. But he would have gotten all the chicks, not because he's hot, but because he's famous. Why is it that we think ugly people are hot just because they're famous??
GO MICHIGAN!!!
Maybe I need to go to the moon.
Carol Channing is a bitch.
Stop - Hammertime.
And I'm still crying about Pete and Woody on TBN...I think you've scarred me for life.
Speaking of a Guthrie, I need to get my Alice's Restaurant cd all ready for Thanksgiving.
MMM, Mashed Potatoes, Gravy, Cranberry Sauce...whooo.
Little Richard has to be the craziest looking person I've ever seen. Too much plastic surgery is bad, like that catwoman looking lady, I wonder if she thinks that's attractive.
I love Delmonico steaks!!
LOL...very good. Sorry about the scarring. As for Ben getting all the babes, let me tell you someting missy...Once you Go Matt, You Never Go Back...What?
People Eating Tasty Animals?
Rahh Rahh Reee~~~ kick um in the knee.... Rahh Rahh Rasss~~~ Matt's holding ASS! I want to go to the moon...need a boob job. Are fun bags checked or carry on..Ill have to research that one.Matt's cat needs food and clean litter too..help a pussy out Matt. Diamonds aren't a girls best friend so shup Carol.
Cheez Whizzzz~~ you watching me while I pee?? Stop it
Break it down~~~ >>>>> cheesy dances away.......
Thankfully it is now officially streaming Friday. BTW, I am trying to keep that kicked out of the country thing on the down low. Thanks for the shout out and just for the record martinis are not the only thing I like dirty.
Cheesy, you are the funniest smurf I know, you cheeky monkey...You're quite welcome adav. By the way, if the two of you are interested, Ben and I are throwing an orgy tonight...No RSVP needed.
Only if there is naked twister otherwise fuggettabouwit.
adav_11, does your picture of eating a banana reflect your talents?
Naked Twister comes standard with all of our orgies, adav. Joe, well..er...nevermind. Hoot Mon!!
Matt-Man,
If you keep losing weight you reincarnate your modeling career; except in Milan. God knows you got some junk in the trunk.
yea Boy!!!!
Streaming screaming Friday is here.
my knees hurt and I am nursing my inner beeeyotch today so stand back mrs. robinson I saw him first.
my great-grandmother was one of those duped faithfuls who sent in gobs of money to the radio preacher godlings; we once tried to figure out how much $$$ she actually gave away to raidovangelistas, but got depressed when we realized we could have been heiresses. Or heirors, in my case. Or errors, in fact.
I'm leaving, on a jet plane, don't know when my sanity will be back again...
by the way, thanks to a built in spell wizard on the laptop's word processing progrom, I am thinking that MOST of my NaNo writing is at least spelt correctly. spelt, like felt, or spelt like smelt.
he who smelt it dealt it, matty my boy...
Actually, haircare, my ass is quite nice I've been told..However it seems that I have lost weight mainly in my ass and legs. Leaving me to look like Foghorn Leghorn...Boy, I said, Boy.
Too bad about the cash Mo. You could have bought something or something. Like a, smelt it? What ? Why are my ears ringing? Anyway...
I find myself totally unable to get into any of th major sports here. But no one gets it when I ger super excited about rugby or football (the real one, not American). Anyway... very rant-a-licious. I need to lose weight in my tummy. I have no ass. I am assless. If living on the moon mean no saggy breasts when you are 60 something, sign me up!
-N
NEVER QUESTION THE ARTISTIC INTEGRITY AND RAW TALENT OF CAROL CHANNING AGAIN!!!
DO YOU HEAR ME!!! NEVERRRRR!!!! ;)
Steve~
I like Rugby, but not soccer so much...I will send you a pamphlet on the Breast Restoration Getaways to the Moon when you get back from the Emerald Isle. Have a Blast Nat.
Steve,
I waaant to thaaank youuu for defennnding my honorrr.
Hugs and Big Big Kisses,
Carol
I'm not sure I want to know what a Delmonico steak is... I'm sure Freud would have something to say about it.
Does god do pennies? Why exactly is TBN asking for $68.19 exactly? That is suspiciously close to the exact price for a bottle of 1993 Rioja Reserve.
If you take the Enlgish meaning for pants (underwear) having them no longer fit is likely a good thing.
Ha...Very Good. The "lovely" Miss White used $68.19 because in the Book of Psalms Chapter 68 Verse 19 refers to reciving the Lord's benefits....Can I get an Amen!!?
Amen (said with a sigh)
There just had to be a real reason didn't there? Time to go home and open that bottle of wine I put on the counter this morning.
Have a good one, and Cheers!!
Thank the LAWD for Haircare Joe. I was looking for a place to have my chariot washed.
Stuff the moon...just give me an implant and spend the rest of the money on sending me to the Bahamas.
Thank you.
*hic burp*
sorry it's the wine not me.
Are you sure you just want one implant? How dare you start without me Wendz!!
Allie, if you're lucky he will wash the horses as well. Praise be to God.
Lets talk about the wine....is that a good vintage? a 1993 could be slightly over the hill and declining in flavor. I am anxious to hear.....give a Brunello anytime!
It's a saucy little wine, we call "Hussy of the Vineyards"
Carol Channing???? omg. she's still alive even?? and I need to go to the moon!
Peace
Yeah she is, go figure. Odat, I'll go with ya, maybe the no-gravity environment would add some length as well...Hoochie Mama.
Actually, my chariot is pulled by well-greased men, but Haircare can still wash them if he wants.
I dont if he'd do that but he would give them hair and fashion tips, as well as how to pick up a 7-10 split.
Do you think he could teach them how to pick up MY 7-10 split?
DAMN! That was DIRTY! HAHAHAHAHA!!
I'm sure he could, but keep in mind that Joe would want to use you in actual demonstration of said act.
*Ooooops* Sorry... [way to much white wine] Next try:
Hey McMatt!
Forget about the pants... I heard wearing fun bags is all the range *smirking*
Enjoy your weekend, see you on Monday...
Cheers from Germany,
S.
(and YES: Evidently Homer is a Catholic)
Dammit... he didn't leave me directions for the orgy.... sigh....another quiet weekend at home.
Eerie similarities:
Ben Franklin-- likes busty French wenches, harpsichord music, and is unhygenic.
Janna-- is actually related to Ben Franklin, likes French toast, piano music, and hasn't had her shower yet today.
Must be something in the DNA!
Now that is one sexy way to wish someone a good weekend! And please don't tell me I have to go to the moon to put the fun back in my fun bags! Congrats on the weight loss. Hope you had a greaatt weekend, Matt!
Ha Sanni I am sure it is all the rage...Cheesy, I will make certain that that never happens again. Janna, do you write Almanacs as well? Hey there Lizza, I try impart my love vision when I can. Hope your trip was fun...
Almanac, blog, close enough. :)
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