Bagwine Wishes Come True

I want to thank those of you who sent in a wish list to Bagwine Kringle. He has been drunk as hell of late very busy getting ready for the big day. Making certain that you and yours have a great Holiday is first and foremost in his mind. BK has made his list, checked it twice, and his meth suppliers elves have been busy wrapping up the gifts. But as promised, he has taken the time to respond to some your letters.

Our first letter comes from the lovely Cheesy who hails from Oregon, aka The Beaver State. Hehehe The Beaver State…

Dear Bagwine Kringle,
I have been a good girl all year. I ate my broccoli, ate my apple a day. I ate my… oh wait that makes me naughty…..

Please bring me a cabana boy…preferably named Paco. I looked all over Amazon.Com but didn't see any for sale. Please bring one from the North Pole? In the meantime, I'll get myself educated on Spanish.

I would also love to have dinner waiting for me when I get home. A whole food or vegetarian chef would be great; Or maybe just a pastry chef? Then next year I can ask for a treadmill! If the chefs at the North Pole are trained to cook a different type of diet, I would take some kitchen gadgets instead.

Please bring me new wheels; A little car for a munchkin. My truck is lovely but the price of filling it is killing me! Ok Bagwine… that's about it….. Except for….maybe I should just have asked for Whirled Peas?

The Cheesemeister

If I tell a joke will BK let this little gurlie sit on his lap?
Well couldn't hurt….
Why is Santa always so jolly at Christmas time??
He knows where all the naughty girls live!

Dear Cheesmeister,

You seem to be a fine young woman and very deserving of all that you wish. You are indeed, in luck. While we don’t have anyone who works out of the North Pole any longer, I will alert my child slave labor factory in Guatemala to find you a suitable cabana boy. I am sure that we can find one that can fulfill not only your chef wish, but will also sew for you for pennies a day, and tend to your lawn. America is such a giving country, you must be proud to live there.

While I can’t swing a new ride for you, I can modify your truck to get better mileage. I have invented an engine part that is called a Piss-Ton. It is a device that allows a vehicle to run on urine. It comes with an attachment so women can fill their tank as well. Some folks have reported getting up to 65 miles per can of beer.

Just to give you a heads up Cheesy. For a change of pace, this year I’ll be coming in your backdoor. I’ll bring the whirled peas. Ho Ho Ho…

Lustfully Yours,
Bagwine Kringle

Ahhhhhhhh…I love watching Bagwine Kringle spread his syphilis the Christmas spirit.

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