The office of Bagwine Ruminations has come across quite a coup. Through a mistake by the United States Postal Service we have received several letters to Santa Claus that were erroneously sent to the attention of the late Bagwine Kringle. Our journalistic integrity and drunken curiosity compel us to share the letters with you.Deer Santy Claws,
I wood like one of those set of tubes that Sen. Stevens talked about so I can git the internets at my home. I am going to Canada in a cupple of months and wood like to Googul it too finds out where it is. Although sum people think otherwise, I have been a good boy. I wood also like a jigsaw puzzle, a case of Budwizer, and a nukuylar powered gulf cart. If you think about it, I could use a new pair of lederhosen as well.
Thanks Mi Amigo,
George W. Bushh
Dear Santa,
If possible could I have my vagina tightened back up to like it was when I was twelve and started having sex? I am tired of Britney and Lindsay referring to me as “Paris the Grand Canyon Heiress”. Please please please oh pretty please…if you can do it, I will make it more than worth your while.
Smooches,
Paris Hilton
Hey Santa,
I would like a fifth of Jack Daniels, a ham sandwich, and Ariel Sharon’s fat, empty head on a plate stuffed inside a gift bag. Can you try to get your fat ass off the couch and do that for me? Merry Christmas.
Yours in Christ,
Mel Gibson
Dear Santa Dude,
Do I make you horny? Maybe just a little? Cool…
Kisses,
Mark Foley
Mr. S. Claus,
I have alerted NORAD and issued to them Double Secret Executive Order 122506, which states that if you should enter U.S. airspace you are to be immediately and aggressively neutralized. Should you decide to enter our airspace, not only will you be destroyed; we will also attack your manufacturing operations in Guatemala, Laos, and Malaysia. You have been warned.
Fuck Off,
Dick Cheney
Only 11 Days Left to Enter....
Remember folks…Make sure to enter the “I Celebrated New Years with (Blankity-Blank) and All I Got Was (Blankity-Blank) Humor Contest." Deadline for entries is December 30, 2006. For details and a list of the fabulous prizes click: HERE
19 comments:
Scarey scarey.... I could here Dubya's voice in my head reading the first letter,,,, thanks ALOT,,,not bad enuff I hear the usual voices!
ROTFL :) See, this makes up for the picture of Bush early in the morning :)
-N
Cheesy: Had the USPS not screwed up like they usually do, you wouldnt have to hear that ; )
Nat: I am glad that I could myself back into your good graces and thanks for the laugh. Cheers.
ok ok Guess Ill dig out the Q-tips and quiet his voice.... and hey we are at the mercy of the airlines,,, ya ya thats my story and Im sticking to it!
You all do an excellent job my friend...Cheers
LOL did I scare you?? Just because "we" know where you live?
I dont want you to go Postal on me...or maybe I do, purrrrrr
Either that or use them to wrap up a couple of big joints laced with PCP.
It's not Mels fault...don't be too hard on him...it was the booze talking.
You have to forgive him because it was the booze...right?
Right. Of course... Just ask the media. ;)
Steve~
Oh I would hate to be famous and end up here..:O)...the SHAME!
Steve; Yeah, that's it...Mel's a very decent bloke at heart.
Wendz: I would never defame your refined upbringing and virtuous moral charachter...probably. ; )
Damn...I signed my letter Paris Hilton??????? I must have had a lil too much to drink when I wrote that!
Peace
Ha...You are so LOOSE. I mean you're NOT up TIGHT at all...er...well your mind is soooo WIDE open. ; )
So many good letters to Santa; how can you comment on just one?
I dont know, unfortunately Bagwine Kringle, is no longer with us to provide a loving response to all...Sad.
BWAAAHAHAAAA!
Too bad we don´t have the chance to read good old BK´s "loving responses" to these "whishes" =)
And thanks to whoever DEER SANTY CLAWS did not recieve them! Imagine only one of those being fulfilled... scary...
BK is sorely missed Sanni.
hahahaha... Isn't Santa a LITTLE out of Foley's age preference bracket? ;)
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