Streaming Friday !!

It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiiiiiiday. Let’s all go to Constantinople. Well you can’t go back to Constantinople, ‘cause it’s Istanbul, not Constantinople. How did Constantinople get the works? It’s nobody’s business but the Turks. Boo Yea Boo Yea Boo lay lay lay bump.

Ever watch Fox and Friends in the morning…the show with Steve Doocy, Brian Kilmeade, and Gretchen Carlson? Well, don’t. They are frickin’ vacuous. What’s up with that Boniva commercial with Sally Field? She says, “My girlfriend told me that she has to set aside time once a week to take her osteo-arthritis pill.” God Forbid!! What a waste of a good six seconds. American Mentality: Gotta Have it NOW!! Corky got a helluva chuckle out of yesterday’s post. She can to read. I find it quite coincidental that Jesus was born on Christmas day. What are the odds of that!?

You know who provides the best coverage of the Cincinnati Bengals football team? A police monitor, that’s who. I went to Lizza’s blog yesterday and the title of her post was “Going Down”. I was soooooo excited, but my excitement turned to limp disappointment when I read it. It wasn’t what I thought it was about. Gouda Girl Allie is in Ohio visiting her family. They live about 30 minutes from me, and yet I haven’t gotten to meet her. I shaved, brushed my remaining teeth, and even washed my naughty bits, but she’s stiffing me…and not in a good way. You forgot Poland.

Haircare Joe is coming to town for Christmas and he and I are going to party on the 23rd. Evidently he is already partying because he has not sent me his “In the Know with Haircare Joe” entry for the week. That’s okay he donated all of the prizes for our contest, speaking of which I have only received one entry. C’mon folks make me proud. Make me proud like singer John Legend does. He is from my hometown and graduated from the same High School as I. I saw him singing on TV last night. Unfortunately, I also came across a Clay Aiken Christmas special, one word…Disturbing.

Belly up to the bar and have a cocktail and some chicken wings. I have never met a girl named Jill that wasn’t attractive. Go figure. How come women will call their female friends “my girlfriend”, yet men would never call their male friends ‘my boyfriend”? I think I’ll start doing that and see what kind of reaction I get. I’m having SPAM tonight. Yum-Oh!!

I have an itch on my right calf that just won’t go away. Schmoop is having her oil changed later today. She didn’t say if it was on her car or not, so I am a little suspicious. I really like all of you guys and dolls. Please tell me that I didn’t just make reference to a Broadway musical. You wanna know why I have ads on my site now? My son had his braces put on his teeth yesterday, that’s why. I love the little guy. Well, I guess I better get going befo…too late.

Just in Time!! “In the Know With Haircare Joe”

Dear Haircare,

What do you want for Christmas this year?

Sincerely,

Ed Plunk
Dowagiac, Michigan

Edward,

Simple items for a simpleton:
1 The pleasure a porn star receives while riding a bicycle
2 The satisfaction of a nocturnal emission reminiscent of my teens
3 The ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound
4 To be able to “clean” myself like a Labrador retriever.

Yours in Christ,
Haircare

Haircare Joe is a trolly car conductor and world renowned misanthrope.

Remember folks…Make sure to enter the “I Celebrated New Years with (Blankity-Blank) and All I Got Was (Blankity-Blank) Humor Contest." Deadline for entries is December 30, 2006. For details and a list of the fabulous prizes click: HERE

Have a wonderful weekend, spend it holding hands with your loved one as you walk naked through your public library. See ya Monday…Cheers