Wednesday, January 10, 2007

I'd Knock Your Brains Out If You Had Any, Nyuk, Nyuk

Oh boy the excitement is here. My butt hole has been puckering and unpuckering all day in anticipatory glee of the newest hosing we are going to be taking from our President. Tonight at 9 P.M. EST, our Muttonhead-in-Chief will be letting the world know of his new way forward, his fresh approach, his cutting edge strategery on how we will defeat the godless evil-doers and put the Iraqis on a course of freedom. A freedom that includes oil profits, clean socks, and a myriad of unbid contracts awarded to Halliburton. God Bless him.

Dubya is going to announce an escalation of the war…er…excuse me, a “troop surge”. I am glad to see that he has the best interest of us in mind. Just imagine, if he hadn’t started this war where would be? Iraq would still be a third rate military power, ruled by a despot who was boxed in on all sides, and Dead Eye Dick Cheney would still have a flaccid wee wee.

But thanks to the vision and foresight of our Presidunce, Iraq is now full of terrorists who weren’t there before, a civil war is raging, and Cheney’s dork is in a constant state of erection that only the erotic scenes of death and destruction can provide. In fact, I hear that Cheney and his sycophants gather around the TV naked, watching the war as they press against each other in a carnal fury. It is defined in White House circles as a “Daisy Cheney” but I digress.

I have confidence in our leader to come up with something, because he’s just like one of us. I mean how many of us haven’t at one point wanted to talk to God, get behind German Chancellor Merkel and squeeze her shoulders, or make an insightful comment such as his gem of an observation that “Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better.” See, you and I are no different than Mr. Bush.

Where am I going with this, you ask? I have no frickin’ idea. I guess I am trying to somehow put a little humorous spin on the situation in order to avoid the sickening reality that this administration’s policies have set into motion. There is no “way forward”, there is no “stay the course”, there are no good options. The reason that there are no good options is because when Bush went into Iraq; his “strategy” was “to win”. Well, Mr. President, winning is not a strategy, it is a result. And it is a result that none of us will likely see.


Cheers…

Tell Me That Dubya Isn’t Sharp…I Dare Ya!!

WASHINGTON POST: Why do you think bin Laden has not been caught?
DUBYA: Because he's hiding.

-- Dubya offers a ludicrous answer to a serious question, interview with Michael A. Fletcher and Jim VandeHei of the Washington Post, aboard Air Force One, Jan. 14, 2005

18 comments:

Unknown said...

Amen, brother. The only troop surge I'd like to see is that of our troops surging OUT of that hellhole.

Conservatives accuse Liberals of wanting to throw money at a problem to make it go away. Looks like they've taken on a similar strategy, only they're throwing human beings at the problem.

Schmoop said...

America Hater!! You'd probably rather spend all of the money we're spending in Iraq back here at home on schools, health care, and things like that....Wuss ; )

Unknown said...

I'm sorry. I just can't get behind this America: The Sequel venture they're trying to pull over in the fertile crescent. lol

Schmoop said...

Now wait a minute, missy. GW promised: No Nation Building!!

Steven said...

Well, to be fair Matt...

He is hiding. ;)

Steve~

Schmoop said...

LOL....I love simplistic humor Steve...Good One.

Liz Hill said...

It took me a minute to get past the visual of your butthole puckering and unpuckering . I barely managed to get through the whole post without screaming. The fact that this booger eater is our President is a great tragedy. I don't think I can stomach hearing what "the decider" has decided. Can't he and Cheney go hunting and can't Cheney have a REAL gun this time?

Tiggerlane said...

Matt, Matt, Matt...when will you learn? It's not 'civil war,' it's sectarian violence.

Schmoop said...

Damn it Tigger you're right. I have to quit being so cynical. Cheers...

Schmoop said...

Hey TB, so what you're saying is that the thought and visual of butthole puckering and unpuckering makes you scream!? A thousand pardons. "Booger Eater" infantile yet funny. Cheers ; )

Mo and The Purries said...

so, at 9pm tonight, since we are no longer Staying The Course, are we gonna find a real "exit strategy"?

Odat said...

I'm sorry, I lost it at Daisy Cheney.....and threw up with the visual of him naked.....I can't be serious ya know....
Peace (in spite of our "presidunce") :-)

Unknown said...

*sssssh* (I have to whisper because I might not be allowed to talk about yor Mr. P(ee) due to my German origin) You´re oh so right! *harrumph* Because he´s HIDING?
Oh my everloving. I should do a 3rd entry for the New Year´s Eve Contest:

The Mr P(ee)edition

Will send you via email =)

Cheesy said...

Matt Matt Matt.. 1st Thank you SO much for NOT posting a pic of the Daisy Cheney.. I was scared to scroll... GW as a stooge?? PRICELESS! I just finished listening to Mr. Blahblahblah... gadz,,, is it 2008 YET????

Schmoop said...

It's "way forward", Mo. C'mon get with the program!!

Sorry for the visual odat, but I just report, you decide.

I saw the OBL one this morning Sanni...Priceless, cheers.

It cant be 2008 soon enough. Hopefully will all still be around Cheesy.

The Boy said...

I particularly loved the phrase "go in there and get the job done".

Uhmmm... what job?

Darn tootin Mr Dubya is sharp, as sharp as a very sharp tack that's been filled to a stub, ground into a concrete roadway, melted by the arabian sun and made into a little flower charm

Natalia said...

He makes me want to puke. But the thought of your butt hole puckering and unpuckering was just... priceless.

-N

Schmoop said...

He makes me want to puke as well Nat!!