Monday, January 08, 2007

Let's Take a Trip In The Wayback Machine

A Monday Re-Run for you all. I spent much of the morning going through the archives of Bagwine Ruminations and did not realize that the time had gone by so quickly. Many of you are relatively new to this site, and missed out on some funny posts from back in the day when I had two daily readers…Myself and the Gouda Girl. So since time has kinda slipped by today, and the fact I have a bit of Monday Malaise….I offer you the following, enjoy…

Goose Eggs and a Flock of Seagulls…

Many of you are aware that this week marks the 25th anniversary of MTV. Yes, MTV is 25 years old and I am 25 years older. Back then, the channel actually played music videos and I faithfully watched. I’d really get jiggy when “A Flock of Seagulls” came on. But when I wasn’t watching, my life was filled with youthful exuberance and lust for living.In August of 1981, I was sixteen, getting ready to enter my junior year of High School, and begin a job flipping burgers at Hardee’s.


For me however; my entry into school would be delayed. In late July, my friends and I thought it would be funny to assault the Marching Band director. The weapon of choice…Goose Eggs. Two goose eggs the size of softballs that were, for whatever reason, chilling in the basement refrigerator of my house, nestled safely next to my dad’s case of Braumeister.

One guy in the band would be on hand to snap a pictorial history of the event, and myself and my friend Tone, would fly down the hill overlooking the football field and hurl the oblique spheroids at the somewhat corpulent director as band camp wound up for the day. After our sortie was completed, we would run into the nearby woods and then safely home. Laughs, excitement, and a job well done.

But alas, a couple of things went awry. We were perched upon the hilltop, dressed in shorts, T-shirts, and ski masks. Our mark was in prime position. I saw my opening and raced down the hill. Although nervous, excited, and anxious, I let fly the egg of the Branta Canadensis, and saw the accuracy of my throw. A direct hit, square upon the arse of the victim.

To my surprise the abundantly sized music man could move faster than a 32nd note. I had to turn on the jets and between the ski mask and the oppressive heat, I nearly tossed every fluid in my body, but to my good fortune, I made it into the woods and then home.So, happy ending, right? Not so much.

As it turns out my “friend” Tone decided to stay safely on the hilltop, egg in hand, and watch, rather than participate in the incursion. My “friend” Rob caught the excitement on film, but also decided to start telling his band mates who the star of the picture was. Two hours later, the phone rang, my heart stopped, and seconds later I heard Mom screaming, “Matthew, get in here now!!”

A couple of days later, sitting between my mom and dad, I heard the verdict. The principal told me that I would be on suspension the first two weeks of school, and unfortunately, it would be in school suspension. I took it like a man, and then in an awkward moment, asked Dr. Lynch if he would sign my work permit for my job at Hardee’s. As he took it and signed it, he said, “They need to keep you away from the eggs.”

And Now…Our Moment of Hinn-ee:

“How do you make egg fu yung? You take a young egg and fu it.”
--Henny Youngman

18 comments:

Unknown said...

Oh shit, that is one of my favorite reruns! I wonder if I should do that, considering the spooge from the mental masturbation I just posted on my own blog. LOL

y.Wendy.y said...

So..nothing much has changed then, eh! ;)

Laura said...

Yeah, that was even funnier the second time around. Picturing teenaged Matt-Man in short 80s shorts and ski mask -- Classic!

Schmoop said...

Allie, "mental masturbation"? Is that the same as a "head job"?

Ha, very good Wendz, very good indeed.

Ya know Laura, if I hadnt got caught, the story would be much less funny. Fate is humorous.

Unknown said...

See, Laura, I knew he had more readers than me back then. There are a lot of lurkers out there. :)

Schmoop said...

You Washingtonians are a sneaky lot.

Unknown said...

YAY - you´ve done it again:
Implementing a brain-cinema into Sanni´s little weird head =)

Schmoop said...

The reason that I am so good at brain cinema is because my mind is mainly celluloid!! Cheers Sanni!!

Liz Hill said...

That was funny--and the phone call and screaming mom reminds me of the scene in the Christmas story where you hear the mom screaming and beating her child.

But I must fess up--I SAW Flock of Seagulls in concert--with the Go Gos--YUP. And there was nothing like the excitement of watching that brilliant keyboard work in person.

Schmoop said...

Damn TB I envy you...I love AFOS AND the Go-Gos. And you are correct, Mr. Score's "complicated" keyboard work was pure genius...Never have two index fingers contributed so much to music!!

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

1981 = 16!!!!!!!!!!! ...
other then that, great stroy! LOL
Don't you hate friends who can't stop from blabbering when you have a great prank?
That is how I got nailed for putting the battleship model, filled with gasoline, into a craky neighbors inground pool with a firecracker laying on top. Firecracker goes off and BOOM.. flaming gas slick on surface of pool!

Schmoop said...

Yeah Bond, soon to be 42 next month!! A conflagration in your neighbor's pool, Bee Yoo Tee Full!! I 'll have to tell the story about the "time bomb" we planted in a housing development some day.

Desert Songbird said...

Ach, Matty - I said it before and I'll say it again: you are such a young baby! Not yet 42, indeed...

Great, great story. I was a good girl and didn't get into trouble like this. Like this, I said...

Raven said...

Ahhh, don't you love the hind sight you get with age over childhood hijinx. (snort) I think I would have taken that second egg and gone after one of your friends!

Odat said...

Can I see it on You Tube???
The masked goose egg tosser...sounds like a super hero!
(NOT). hehe

Peace

Eyezaku said...

Thanks Matt-man. As one of the new readers, and a fellow suspendee, I got a good laugh out of this.

Cheesy said...

So first question... did they get a picture?? lol
Cripes man... in 81 I was giving birth to kids 3 and 4 lol... Oldest son was a HUGE AFOS fan. Funny side note.. he loved to do his hair in the AFOS wave... I swear he used a 1/2 can of hairspray a day... and a hat. His papa refused to let him wear it at the dinner table.. he usually remembered to remove it b4 the meal. But one night he had forgotten and Hubby reached over to take it off him,,, and removed some of his hair too LOL.. stuck to the hat with spray!
I am going to have to take an afternoon and read backlogs lol

Schmoop said...

Songbird: Just exactly WHAT kind of trouble did you get into? Hmmmmm?

Raven: Hey Raven, good to see ya. Yes I should have at least gotten one of them in my sights.

Odat: I wish it had been videotaped, but I am a Super Hero of some kind. They call me Tongue Man.

Eyechan: Good Man. From one neer do well to another, my hat's off to you.

Cheesy: Yes pics were taken and duly confiscated and destroyed. And although I didnt know it back in 1981, had I known you, you would have been a MILF to me!! Bada Bing...