MMF: Matt-Man's Foibles

Do you have any strange or unusual habits?...Any odd likes or dislikes? I sure as hell do. Ninety-Five percent of the time I sleep on my back, and rarely move through the night. I have a pillow under the back of my knees and keep a throw pillow on my crotch. I don’t know why I do this. I guess I keep it there as a form of protection. Just in case a robber breaks in and wants to hit me in the nuts with a baseball bat, or Corky jumps on me, or if aliens (oh, they exist) are in the area and want to perform some kind of twisted experiment on my reproductive parts. I like the protection that the cotton and foam padding provide.

My legs are either straight out or in the “four position”. That position is when my right leg bends inward against my left knee, forming the number 4. Of course from my perspective it looks like a “flat” notation on a piece of sheet music. Interesting, eh? I also lay on the couch in the same way every time. I lay on my right side with the TV remote in my right hand and a pillow between my legs. I don’t know why, but it is just a habit of mine. Call me crazy, but that’s what I do.

I used to bite my fingernails, but willpower and a rapidly declining dental situation have pretty much broken me of that habit. I make up musical riffs that make no sense and annoy those around me. Little snippets such as Yaga Boo Yaga Boo, Yaga Yag Boo!! If you were to hear me sing it loudly, you too, would agree that it sounds like something that would fit nicely into the soundtrack of the movie, “The Ten Commandments.” Or if you heard it in the way Schmoop does, you would tell me to “Shut the F@#K up, you freak!!”

I like to cook. One thing though, if there are dirty dishes in the sink, I have to wash them before I start making whatever it is that I want to make. Even if it is just a glass or two, I feel compelled to clean them first…Odd. I get more of a buzz when I am drinking if I sit at the table than I do if I lay on the couch. What’s up with that? One of my favorite sandwiches to eat is Bologna on white with Cottage Cheese and Cheetos on it…Some find that strange, I find it Dee-Lish.

Some folks find it funny, but some find the following very annoying. I sing pretty well, but many times I have a tendency to not know the correct lyrics. Does that stop me from singing? Of course not…”Take a letter Maria, address it to yourself…” That one sends Schmoop through the roof.

I like to talk in acronyms…There are several that I used to use during my bar days. Women were placed into categories based upon their appearance. I used WCBH for Wide Child Bearing Hips…HBTF for Highly Boneable Titty-F@#k, and of course the dreaded NPL, or Noticeable Panty Line. I labeled many chicks as PD, or Petry Dish. However the vast majority I had to label IGNCIH: I’ve Got No Chance in Hell. Yes folks, I was shallower then than I am today believe or not. I still use them. Just the other day we had FSWMV…Fried SPAM with Melted Velveeta, and of course I washed it down with some WIR. I find that this type of speech saves time.

I still call one of my brothers every Thursday. What’s so weird about that you ask? Nothing…other than the fact that he’s been dead for two years. Kidding, of course. And that is definitely one of my habits, joking around. Sometimes it’s hard because of life’s unkind detours, but it is indeed a habit I never want to break. If you have some strange habits or likes let me know, because the diversity of fellow human beings is what makes this journey enjoyable…

Cheers!!