It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiday so dress me in a 70’s pant suit for women and call me Maude. Ooooo weeeee I had a very bad dream last night. I was being chased by a Big Mac that was trying to tempt me with his meaty goodness. Just before I nearly succumbed to wiles of his juicy deliciousness, the Big Mac turned into Paris Hilton. There was no way in hell I was eating that!! I would have picked up syph, clap, and gingivitis all in one shot. I hate Listerine. Yuk. Doctor Howard, Doctor Fine, Doctor Howard.When we were in D.C. one of my brothers wanted to sit in Abe’s lap at the Lincoln Memorial and have his picture taken. That would have been a classic. I found it to be ironic that the cab driver who took us to the World War Two Memorial looked to be of Japanese ancestry. Yamamoto tomato. Clicky clack clicky clack rum bum bum. I have one helluva a scratch on my upper right arm. It didn’t penetrate the muscle because I have none bwahahahaha. Pfffffffffft. I think I may have pulled a groin muscle. It feels stiff down there, and not in a good way.
Ten meatless days to go, and I am dying for some. I am surprised that last night’s dream didn’t involve me giving Colonel Sanders a blow job. I guess that wouldn’t be too bad because I bet his load would taste like chicken. Of course since he’s been dead for awhile it would be funky chicken. Thank you, thank you I’ll be here all weekend try the veal and tip your waitress. I dated a waitress once. I hope at some point somebody makes advances and improvements in the area of Blow-Up Dolls. Vrooooooom.
Anybody who says, “Everyday you awake is a blessing.” has never woken up with diarrhea and a massive hangover at the same time. Fly me to the moon. Let me play among the stars. I wish I could go back in time and have hot sex with Ava Gardner. Damn, she was HOT!! It’s warming up around here…temps in the 60’s to right around 70. Baseball starts very very soon!! Play Balllllllllll.
Well folks I am in dire need of a smoke so I end it here. Have fun this weekend. Spend it thinking of me and the Colonel performing quasi-beastiality!!
See ya all Monday…CHEERS!!
28 comments:
Odd I always thought the Colonel's baby gravy would taste more like his tater gravy. Sometimes scrathes are good signs you had a wild time, care to elaborate? Streaming Friday is my favorite day, let's stream about the news...In New York City this week, officials found 400 pigeons and 250 rats living in an apartment. I understand that they are turning it into a Taco Bell franchise. Happy birthday to Hugh Heffner — 81 years old. Quite a guy. You know, Hugh Heffner takes so much Viagra, that when he dies it’s going to be an open coffin. Actor Keanu Reeves was accused of hitting a celebrity photographer with his Porsche Tuesday while leaving a parking lot. The good news, there was no damage done to the Porsche. I was so worried. Did you watch American Idol? Sanjaya was not eliminated. Did you know that Sanjaya is an ancient Indian name meaning "William Hung.” Did you know that? I can’t avoid it, so I’ll talk about American Idol. Everyone’s talking about Sanjaya. I will always take gimmicky hair over talent. That’s why I like Donald Trump. South Florida police released the results of Anna Nicole’s Smith’s autopsy. It turns out Anna Nicole Smith died of a drug overdose. Basically she had every known drug in the world in her body. Her attorney and her fake husband Howard K. Stern was concerned she was taking too many drugs and asked her doctor if there was pill she could take for that. According to a new poll, 29 percent of U.S. households do not have Internet access and have little hope of getting it. You know what the technical name is for people with no hope of Internet access? AOL customers.
Two all beef patties
Special sauce
Lettuce
Cheese
Pickles
Onions
On a sesame seed bun
When I was a child I had a white plastic Colonel Sanders bank... it felt strange loading him up with coins through a slit in the back of his head... ka-ching... but retrieving the coins... now THAT was gratifying... much like juicy beef melting in your mouth, warming your tongue, an explosion of meaty goodness dancing on your taste buds only to be enhanced by the aromas... still stiff?
You're looking for a Colonel Sanders blow up doll?
That thought you planted in my head should be disturbing.. but it isn't.. the thought of you and Ava Gardner is though... hmmm...
OMG Cheesy! I always hear "Dueling Banjos" when y'all stream *snarf*
Ah Matty just think--amping your dream up a little --you could go back in time and cover Ava with beef juice and special sauce and lick it off while she went after the Colonel's drumstick.
You do inspire depravity --hehehe
Smooch!
Cheesy you stream so well. My stream has lessened some over time. I could go for some Taco Bell but I could only get the bean burrito. I guess I'll wait until Lent is over. Speaking of which I have some in my belly button.
Anndi: Yes I am still stiff from your description of putting coins in the Colonel's head...Man that made hot!! Imagine getting a head job for dimes and nickels.
TB: Ava is all mine. The Colonel can get his own hen. As far as inspiring depravity, I thank you very much for the compliment. Cheers!!
The Lincoln Memorial!!!! I love that one...it's good to hide behind!!! hehe.
Anyway...take care of that groin muscle...god knows when ya may need it...
Peace
Odat God knows when I'll need it alright...NEVER...I think he has cursed me to eternal celibacy!! Cheers...
For those of you with little or no time, we will now give you the Cliff Notes version of today's post:
Matt dreams of being a woman named Maude who desires to be a Big Mac in Paris (a "le Big-Mac" - not a "Royale with cheese"), doing the 3 Stooges while taking it in the rear from the Lincoln Monument, all the while trying to scratch his skin off as he sucks off a very dead Colonel Sanders who then covers him with a white gravy, causing diarrhea and a hangover at the same time, resulting in a baseball game breaking out on Ava Gardner's dead body as animals watch.
Yo can all now go back to your day....
thank you
Very clever indeed Mr. Bond but you forgot to tip the waitress and light up a smoke. I would expect much closer attention to detail from a 00 Agent.
One always lights up after such a satisfying encounter... I don't even smoke and I may just for this post. I was thinking of COCKSTRONG's from DAUGHTERS & RYAN, INC.
When she gets all steamed up
Here her shout.
Tip her over and
Pour her out.
Ooooooo Anndi, I just love it when you say COCKSTRONG...
As there might be children reading, I did not want to glamorize the smoking of cigarettes....
It's all about the children here Bond. Good thinking.
This stream will haunt me in tonight´s pleasant dream! ;)
Just picture me in a Chicken Suit eating a bratwurst as you stand behind me ruffling my feathers!! Cheers, Sanni...
Peacock suit actually...
That doesnt suit my attitude when it comes to sex Anndi. Those who know me, know that I Aint Too Proud To Beg!!
Paris hilton on a sesame seed bun the special sauce and extra cheese?
Hmmm nah never been that hungry.
You are correct sir...That would be one special sauce but not in a good way, but I do like how you probably made more stomachs turn with your comment. Cheers!!
Well yo know what they say..."it tastes just like chicken"
hammer's comment on the extra cheese...not the kind of cheese I would be wantin!
LOL...
Have a great wknd...
;o)
Tasting like chicken is better that what is could taste like. Wooo did that come out of my innocent mouth? LOL!!! Enjoy your weekend!
**speechless in Seattle**
wow gravy special sauce and cheese.... sounds like a party!
have a good w'end Maude-man! enjoy the quasi-beastiality:)
Aaaah... dreams are to come true, Sugar ;)
B.t.w.: I can´t vote this time. The loosemeat sandwich is missing...
There are worse things than blowqing Colnel Sanders...at least you would get a side dish of mashed potatoes and cole slaw!
The choices on your poll do not include a prime rib or porterhouse steak...
That's what I would be running for if I had given up meat for lent.
ahahaha. everytime i read your posts, i find a smile :)
a friend of mine gave up meat and chocolates for Lent. i keep offering her share of my meaty and chocolatey food whenever we eat together, not deliberately of course, but out of the virtue, 'sharing is caring' :D
haha~ it's starting to annoy that person. but i sincerely just don't remember.. :P
Thanks for all of your comments folks. Sanni, I didnt put Loosemeat on there because that requires some preparation...I will be too ravenous to wait!! Cheers to all of you.
Good to see you Mags!! Glad I can bring a smile to your face. Only 6 days to go....Cheers!!
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