I have been wondering about what I should do while in Washington D.C. this weekend. I arrive Thursday afternoon and my nephew’s wedding isn’t until Saturday so I have some time on my hands. Oh how the possibilities abound.
I could go see the various landmarks such as the Lincoln Memorial, the Washington Monument, or the lesser known Millard Fillmore Perpetual Ember of Obscurity. I could walk down to Capitol Hill and listen to the likes of Senators Joe Biden and Christopher Dodd cursing out the President’s Iraq “strategy”, while Senator Sam Brownback sits on a bench eating a well balanced lunch as he reads his Bible.
Impressive stuff, but I want excitement, and what is more exciting than partying with former D.C. Mayor and current Council Member Marion Barry…The Rick James of Politics.
Oh sure I know what you’re thinkin’, at 71 years of age Marion Barry may be passed his partying prime, but you know what he’d say to you about that, “I’m Marion Barry, Bitch.” Him and I could hook up at some trendy D.C. eatery/bar and begin our all out assault on the night life of our nation’s capital. We’d sit at the table and shoot the shit over a few drinks and a plateful of oysters and caviar, and the best thing is he could pay the tab with his District of Columbia credit card. Of course, Mr. Barry getting up to go to the bathroom “to make a call” every fifteen minutes would be a touch annoying. But what the hell, I’d be partying with THE man.
I can, however, foresee some problems. For instance, I can hear him now when his credit card gets rejected. “What the hell bitch, I’m Marion Barry. Damn bitch set me up, Matt-Man.” And then he would go to the bathroom again “to make a call” in order to clear things up. Knowing well how the Crack Man operates, I would excuse myself and sneak out, meeting up with Marion in the alley behind the restaurant. Too cool…it would make a great movie, The Crack Man and The Bag Man starring in “D.C. Dine and Dash.”
We could go to “Capitol City Poll Dancing”…Where sexy ladies hold erections every night…well, for a fee. After that, Marion could take me on a tour of the city. It would be cool to see the hotel room where he got in trouble for smoking crack with a hooker. I would stand in awe, and say something like, “So this is where it all went down?” And he’d reply, “Yep Matt, this is where the bitch set me up.” After taking it all in, I’d ask what’s next? He would reply, “Hold on a second Matt-Man, I have to go to the bathroom to make a call.” Upon his return, he would say, “Sorry man, but I am all out of…I mean I gotta go see a lady friend of mine. My buddy Chip here will get you back to your hotel. Sorry to cut it short my man.” I’d thank him, shake his hand, and Chip would drive me back to my hotel.
I can see it now. When I entered the lobby the person at the desk would say, “Matt-Man, we have a message for you.” I’d open the message and it would read:
Matt-Man, Come down to the K Street Police Station and bail me out…The Bitch Set Me Up…Again!!
--MB
Nation’s Capital…You can keep your Smithsonian, your Library of Congress, even your White House tour. The Matt-Man is coming to town and he wants to party with true greatness. I want to see D.C. through the eyes of Marion Barry.
Cheers!!
And Now…A Quote From the Man Dedicated to His Party(ing)
"People blame me because these water mains break, but I ask you, if the water mains didn't break, would it be my responsibility to fix them then? WOULD IT!?!"
-- M. Barry, Former Mayor of Washington, DC
19 comments:
Ha...That would be funny, well, after the swelling on my eye went down!!
Love the new poll, baby.
I have NO comment on this post, if you can believe that. Must be the continued light-headed-ness and dizziness I'm experiencing. My brain is functioning as well as my vocal chords are; i.e., NOT AT ALL.
Sigh.
Perhaps tomorrow...
Ha thanks Songbird. You need not feel pressure to leave a comment. Your picture is all I need. Get better soon dammit.
Matt be careful I hear DC a rough place! Just go to the good dive bars around there!
LOL, Turnbaby!
Matt-man, sounds like you are gonna have some fun in DC.
Well, you might remember, I´m the Crack Party kinda girl... *ROFLMAO*
Was this Barry dude the one who sang all those great songs on Ally McBeal? ;-)
I'm kidding, of course. Make the capital your bitch during your trip, Matt. Have fun!
Roger, I fear no city. The city should fear me!! Cheers...
Lisa: Thanks for stopping by, but please do not encourage TB any further. Cheers!!
Sanni: I always knew that about you. But I felt it was more because you like the sound of a whip cracking!!
Lizza: "Make the capital my bitch?" I love that, I may make up T-Shirts that say that!!
You know Matt...I think you could go ANYWHERE...even Cleveland and have a good time.
go to the pole dancing
I have a post on rude anon commenters, do you have an opinion?
Yeah you go and kick up a storm...party your heart out.
I have had a few good times in Cleveland, but they'll never top the great time that I had in Kampala during an Ebola outbreak. That was wacky!!
I am sure that I do Kerouac, and I'll be by to let you know what my opinion is. Cheers!!
I certainly will Wendz. I may even run into a sexy OLDER woman!! Cheers!!
I hate it when da botches set me up.. I mean .. no ways was I eva near dat bitch when she went unda da water in my car..
Umm OH dat wasn't me?? Ted who?
well den when dat bitch said i made her give me head in da oval.. wha? not me either??/ Bill who bitch?
damn.. den why da biotch settin' me up fer?
I think I've been missing out - need to venture over here more often! Good stuff, Matt! Is Dave Barry's spot still open?
DC may never recover.
a brand spankin new casio keyboard? rock on Matt-man!
it's a splendid vision and i hope your are able to have the experience you are seeking in DC:)
If you find a cool, trendy bar that I would like, you MUST tell me. I arrive the Monday after you leave, so I can't help you at all. Pretty bizarre, as we shall cross paths in a freakish way.
Bond, dem ladies are always tryin' to keep a brutha down!!
Gracie: Why thanks Gracie, and thanks for stopping by. Thanks for the kudos and I'll make sure to check you out. Cheers!!
Travis: I am going to do more damage than the British did in the War of 1812!!
Eyechan: Oh yeah the old Matt-Man is soon to rocking out again. Cheers!!
I will certainly let you know Tigger. That is, if I can remember what spots I visited!! Cheers...
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