Streaming Friday !!

It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiday so bind my feet, throw me in the garage with the car running, and let me die of auto-erotic self-asphyxiation!!!! Yaga Boo Yaga Boo Yaga Yaga Boooo. Nobody and I mean NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition. In six hours or so I will be gainfully unemployed and lovin’ every minute of it. I have made a leap of faith in myself and will be getting a P/T job for awhile so I can concentrate on writing. Crazy, indeed? Wish me luck, because if I fail in my endeavor, Schmoop will kick me out and I’ll go to jail for not paying Ryno's mother child support. With my luck the judge would put me in a cell with Paris Hilton….I’d rather get the electric chair.

I’m drinking a bottle of Iced Tea right now. It’s quite refreshing, much like a Junior Mint!! Schmoop and I wish that Kramer was our neighbor. Me, Schmoop, Cosmo Kramer and a case of Wild Irish Rose…How much fun would that be!!? I seem to be using quite a few exclamation points today. I guess it’s because I am so damn excited!!! Backdoor guests are best, or so I’ve heard. If I were a flower I’d be a geranium, how bout’ you? Schmoop just asked me if she could take me to lunch. I said sure, but I am a bit leery. If I don’t re-surface later today or tomorrow, inform authorities that she took me to Los Mariachi’s. Mmmmmm burritos and Margaritas, Ole!! Maybe after lunch I’ll dress up as a matador and ride her like a bull, but I doubt that she’ll be “horn-ee” Bwahahaha. Okay simmer down.

I’ll tumble for ya, I’ll tumble for ya, I’ll tumble for youuuuuu. Don’t forget your Mom this weekend…Unfortunately mine has passed on to the big harvest gold kitchen in the sky where she roams around with a bolo paddle in her hand looking for misbehaving children to spank. She died last June and my dad went several years ago. I miss em’ dammit. They were fun. I was the last of nine kids. I’m surprised that I was born in a hospital. After eight previous deliveries, I figured that Mom could have simply dropped me while in the grocery. I can see her walking through the frozen food section, looking for the Spumoni Ice Cream, and then poof…there on the floor between her legs is little Matt-Man…touching really. You’re havin’ my baby, what a lovely way to say how drunk we both were.

Loquacious…loquayyyyyycious. If I were a tree, I’d be a Blue Spruce…How bout’ you? Al Sharpton is a jackass. I watched the movie “Red Dawn” the other night. Patrick Swayze is one hell of an actor. He’s right up there with Ted McGinley and Tori Spelling. Brilliant!! Poor Paris Hilton…She’s going to jail. She got beaten down and screwed by The Man…only this time she didn’t make a videotape of it. It’s hot in Toe-peeeeeka. I feel pretty. All of you fathers out there make sure to misbehave and have sex with your wife this weekend so you can tell everyone that you are One BAD Mo#%ER F%$#ER….

Until next time, Cheers!!