Monday, June 11, 2007

Sometimes We All Have Fear

It’s 5:45 A.M. My hands are twitching, anxiety coursing through my body. I sit on the couch, frightened. My upper lip is bathed in a cold sweat as my right eyebrow begins to twitch in fear of the situation. The blue gray hues of dawn do little to allay my sense of apprehension…How could this have happened to me and is there any end in sight?

I don’t know how much more of this pain I can endure. My legs begin to shake furiously. I hate being at the mercy of someone else. My situation is dire, “God Help Me.”

At last, shattering the heavy sound of dread, sounds of hope split the air…a creak, a squeak, and a pop. A door swings open, and out she comes. With great haste I make my move, and with microseconds to spare, I make it safely to the bathroom and empty my swollen, aching bladder!!

Until we meet again, Cheers!!

If you have time, click HERE and go wish the lovely Sanni a Happy Birthday…

38 comments:

Anonymous said...

I've got two words for you: Ouch.

Well, that was only one word. I couldn't think of another, sorry.

Badway

Schmoop said...

Odat: That'll probably be the best thing anyone says abut me all day, Thanks!!

Nick: You are my favorite minimalist. Cheers!!

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

dude... it isn't totally light...you are a guy.... out the backdoor and find a tree.... sheesh

Schmoop said...

Bond: You're right I should have gone out back and taken a leak in the parking lot of the apartment complex. I'd end up living in a van down by the river!!

Cheesy said...

I don't understand... are there no sinks? Need help aiming?

Schmoop said...

Cheesy: There's something about peeing into a sink full of spaghetti encrusted plates that is too much like a Russ Meyer film to me. If it was just a couple of glasses, no problem!!

none said...

That's a toughie! good thing you didn't explode.

Schmoop said...

The good thing Hammer is that I didnt have any of that horrid Wild Green WIne in my system this morning!! Cheers...

Travis Cody said...

Dude! Keep a plastic water bottle out of the recycling for future emergencies.

Hell, even that empty bottle of WIR would work.

Be crafty!

Merritt Fields said...

You had a woman over...I'm proud!

Schmoop said...

Trav: Maybe I should keep a gallon bucket around, I was coming off of the weekend.

Aisby: I thank you but she let's me stay here it's not like I have her over. Cheers!!

Natalia said...

I have felt like this too. But on road trips and what not. It's easier for men to pee in those situations. Us women...we are screwed.

-N

Schmoop said...

And it is a fact of life that I cherish Nat. Cheers!!

Durward Discussion said...

Into every life a little rain must fall ... or in your case NOT

Schmoop said...

Fortunately Jamie, the dowpour held off long enough for me to open the cistern. Cheers!!

Unknown said...

That´s why I spend $20 on a Tupperware Party. I feel so SO safe being prepared ;)

Thank you for your birthday wishes, my bratwurst. That´s far too kind.

Can´t cast my vote this week. "Playing Twister nekkid" is missing =)))

Schmoop said...

You are more than welcome my Teutonic Goddess, I only wish I could have given you a B-Day tribute comparable to the one you gave me. As soon as you're done partying let me know and we'll play a round or two of Nude Twister. Cheers Sanni and enjoy your day.

Sandee said...

You really had me going here. You have a great talent for twisting words in just the right way.

Already gave happy birthday wishes to Sanni. Have a great MM. :)

Schmoop said...

Thanks Comedy and have a great MM yourself. Cheers!!

Cinnamon Girl said...

Sounds like my morning commutes when I go Venti at Starbucks :P

Lizza said...

You couldn't use your kitty's litterbox? Kidding!

I hope this never happens to you in traffic.

Schmoop said...

That feeling is worse than the threat of Nuclear War Starrlight.

I dont think Corky would be too amused Lizza. Cheers!!

Unknown said...

I thought that was why God invented the sides of buildings.

Schmoop said...

Well that's tru Allie but the sides of this building have about twenty windows with a good view and twenty or so potential police informants!!

Anonymous said...

I have thouroughly enjoyed reading you over the past couple of weeks. I enjoy the way you mix humor and serious subject matter, i.e. your Memorial Day post. Keep up the good work and I will certainly keep reading.

Lee Ann aka Dixie said...

Oh lord... I thought you were really physically sick ... I was beginning to get worried and call 911 for you...

You are SO not right my friend... but that's what keeps me coming back... ;-)

Schmoop said...

Thanks very much Nancy I hope you keep stopping by.

Dixie: LOL...I just like to keep people on the edge of their seats. Cheers!!

Angell said...

LMAO - Matt, you slay me!!

Van down by the river......

SIGH. Love that.

Schmoop said...

HA...I am glad you caught that Angell...Cheers to you my friend!!

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

No guts no glory nor no relief... it was 5:45AM dude... shove it out the window and let loose.... 5:45 AM dude...

Schmoop said...

Bond: You have no respect for someone who my be living below you do you...So New York City of you .

Marilyn said...

Hardly anybody ever dies that way.

Schmoop said...

True but they can be left all wet Marilyn....

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

sheesh... peek out the window ..no one there..let fly.... and hey your downstairs neighbor might wake up - look out the window..think it is a tsunami and turn over and go back to sleep....

Raven said...

I've heard that men use sinks in such circumstances. Someone trained you well!

Julie said...

You are so not right.

*snickers*

I will return.

Desert Songbird said...

You know, just today on our drive home, we stopped in El Centro, CA at a rest area that had porta-potties instead of real rest rooms. My daughter looked at me, shook her head, and said, "Mommy, it's so unfair that boys can stand up to pee and we can't."

Schmoop said...

Bond: You have quite the window piss fetish!!

Julie: Ha...Thanks Julie, I'll swing by your site soon as well. Cheers!!

Songbird: It is unfair but just tell your daughter that that is what you get because Eve ate the apple!! Cheers!!