Streaming Friday!!

It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiiiday, so put me on a barstool and spin me counter-clockwise because the 2007 Hurricane Season kicks off today. Brownie, you’re doin’ a heckuva job!! I wonder if Katrina and the Waves will ever be asked to do a concert in New Orleans? Kinky Friedman is one hilarious mo-fo. Yesterday I heard him ask Joe Scarborough, “If Russia attacked Turkey from the rear, would Greece help?” Brilliant!! (That was for you Schmoop)

Move over Jessica Rabbit, there’s a new cartoon character in town. That pink haired chick who does the e*surance commercials is HOT!! I guess Vin of Bonds Big Leather Couch is getting a visit from his parents this weekend. If I was getting a visit from my parents I would freak. Not because I don’t like them or anything, but because they’re dead. That would be freaky!! Mom, Dad, let me make you something to eat because you’re nothing but skin and bones…well bones anyway. Ewwwww.

My head hurts. Sinus condition…if only I could propel some mucous from my nasal cavities. Speaking of which, should you go to an ear, nose, and throat guy or a dentist for nasal cavities? Damn, I’m sweating.

Yesterday Ryno not only got an award for High Academic Honors but he also got a special award for Creativity!! Who knew that an experiment involving lime Jell-O and Heroin would garner such accolades? Kidding of course…But he did get both honors, and I feel just as proud as I do feel lucky, because he pretty much came out of the womb that way. I feel so sad for parents that have to struggle with a kid that has problems, be they mental, social, or physical. Life isn’t fair, but on the upside it can be exciting.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!! Just for you Odat. I just saw the saucy Kiran Chetry of CNN interview the dorky looking winner of the National Spelling Bee. The dude had no clue. If I was the winner and she asked me how I felt, I would have said, “I feel like giving you a pearl necklace babe.” She would have said, “What did you say?” I would respond, “Pearl Necklace…The act of shooting my teenage emissions between your breasts…P-E-A-R-L N-E-C-K-L-A-C-E…Pearl Necklace. Boo Yah.” I like BLTs.

As I type this I am wearing an oversized orangeish-yellow shirt. Hell, if you painted black zig zags on it I would be Charlie Brown. And if I was him I’d beat the shit out of Lucy and go give Peppermint Patty the high hard one!! I can hear my teacher saying Mwha Mwha Mwha wa wa, and I would say, “Speak English, I’m Matt-Man bitch!! Hey Snoopy, turn Woodstock, he’s getting a little too brown on one side.” Hmmmmm, taste like chicken.

Mubarak, Mubarak, Mubarak, hey!! That was for all of my readers from Egypt. I am still watching CNN and the lovely Betty Nguyen is on purrrrrrrrrrrrr. She’s a very successful Vietnamese-American who is sexy as hell. I think my only chance to be with her is to dress like a dog and have her eat me….Oh, c’mon it was just a joke people.

Until we meet again, this is Matt-Man signing off. Enjoy your weekend and I promise to post a picture of Schmoop in the shower this weekend. Enjoy and Cheers!!