It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiiiiday so bolt a handle to my hips and call me John Deere, because I wanna mow your lawn. Boy Howdy and Zippidy Doo!! We are in the middle of a two week string of 90 degree temperatures and the humidity is thicker than a Ron Jeremy hard-on. Outside of this air conditioned apartment lurks pornographic heat.I think the heat may be related to a certain unfortunate condition of mine. My willy is itchy. Is it jock itch? Bulgarian Blue Balls? Nope. It must be a yeast infection because I went sunbathing yesterday and something awful happened.
I was lying there with the sun beating down upon me and my wanker started sweating. Between the heat and the sweat, it activated the yeast and my wee wee ballooned up like one of those pigs in a blanket that I made last Sunday. Very disturbing, yet quite fascinating…I had an overwhelming urge to grab a tub of Land O’ Lakes margarine and butter my blistered roll. Oooo Weeee, can you hear the sizzle?
I have to take Ryno to his school tomorrow. He has been selected to be an ambassador to the new incoming students, and they are having a meeting. It kinda makes me wonder if his school is actually a Private Christian school or the same evil Doctor school that Doctor Evil attended. After all, Ryno does accuse chestnuts of being lazy. Anybody have some Gold Bond Medicated powder they could lend me? I need to shave. My beard is obscuring my most lovely goatee. I miss Conway Twitty and Phil Hartman.
It’s ironic that I made a reference to Austin Powers earlier in this post, because I am meeting my old friend Sherri for breakfast Sunday. Where, you ask? Frisch’s Big Boy!! Maybe Burt Bacharach will show up and play the piano for us. I’ll make sure to ask her if she wants to shag. Don’t worry she won’t slap me, knowing her she will say, “Why? Do you have a friend that I might find attractive?” It’ll be just like talking to Schmoop.
It will be fun reminiscing about how we got caught fooling around in a men’s bathroom stall by one of my brothers…How we celebrated one Thanksgiving by having sex on a public sidewalk, and of course when we worked at Hardee’s and our buddy Alan had his eyebrows blown off while lighting the grill one morning. Good Times…Good Times. I’ll try to get her to let me take her picture for you all. If not, I’ll secretly take one of her ass as she walks to her car. “Vehicle” by “The Ides of March” may be my favorite song of all time. Go figure.
Well folks, I am off to the drugstore to get a big tube of Zinc Oxide to clear up my penis pustules. I’ll have to put some on the cat as well. I have no idea how she contracted it…Seriously, no idea. Make sure to stop by this weekend because I have a new installment of Inky and Lola and of course Sunday culinary pictures.
Enjoy your weekend. Spend it chatting with an old friend over bacon and eggs, or if you are lucky, over olive oil and Fruit Roll-Ups.
Cheers!!
32 comments:
Here's wishing you an itchless, shagful weekend!!!
Peace
Odat: Ha...Thanks Odat. Cheers!!
I'm thinking maybe you contracted that rash from Itchy.. now you KNOW why he has no tallywacker...^5's to Ryno! It has been so hot , NBA refs were fixing hockey games just to be near the ice. Hot also in New York City. So hot, Dick Cheney shot a buddy with a Super Soaker. A man in Mexico who once weighed 1,200 pounds has lost almost half that weight and might enter the "Guinness Book of World Records” for most weight lost. The Mexican man lost the weight when the family inside him moved to America. It’s official — Brittney Spears and Kevin Federline finalized their divorce . It’s the end of Camelot. K-Fed is now Fed-ex. They’re saying, in Graceland, they’re going to add a giant Visitor’s Center and a high-tech museum. I am worried they’re going to make it tacky! Barry Bonds might break the home run record in Los Angeles this week at Dodger Stadium. People will be sitting on pins and needles. Especially Barry. The New York Post reports that Britney Spears often feeds her children soda, candy, ice cream, and Doritos. Or as Britney calls them, the four food groups. A scary incident for Supreme Court Justice John Roberts. He collapsed on the ground outside his vacation home in Maine. Turns out he had a seizure. At first people thought he had just fallen over from leaning too far to the right. Several astronauts are denying accusations that they flew on the space shuttle while they were drunk. However, experts say the first step to recovery is admitting, 'Houston, I have a problem.'
Have a great weekend Mattt-Man dont ich it to much my fall off ;D
I wouldn't go asking too many folks to shag till you get that cleared up. They might make the no permanent after they see it.
Yeah sweetie it's 90+ up here too...but I really don't think it has much to do with your penile maladies.
I'm concerned for you, dear.....how on earth can you make me laugh and gag nonstop through your entire streaming Fridays?
When you hear the knock on your door...just answer it....do exactly as they say....Corkey will be fine as soon as his memories are erased. He'll be returned shortly.
Cheesy: Loved the Graceland tacky comment, but what's wrong with pop and Dorito's? Cheers!!
Roger: If I cant get it up does it really matter if it falls off. Have a good one too Roger!!
Marilyn: I have plenty of other attributes that repel people from going to bed with me.
Julie: What did you call me?
You know, it figures - as soon as I leave home, the weather gets cooler there. As soon as I feel better here, the weather gets shittier. WTH?
Have fun at your breakfast with your friend. Don't do anything obnoxious in public. Obscene, yes; obnoxious, no.
Give Schmoop a big ol' hello from me, you itchy wanker. Talk to you soon.
Songbird: Sorry about the weather. I hope you are feeling better and thanks for the recipe!! I'll have fun Sunday, but asking me not to be obnoxious is a tall order. Hugs and Cheers my friend!!
Sir,
Please stay away from my lawn with your itchy ding-a-ling! (Besides, all mowing has been completed in anticipation of my upcoming vacation!)Please tell Ryno that it's true-chestnuts ARE lazy!What would you do if you asked Sherri if she wanted to shag and she said "YEAH, BABY!!"? Just tell the bacon and eggs to "Get in mah Belly!"
Have a great weekend!
Oh nether region distress....not good =(
Tip on the shagging...do not mention the above before asking!
Metal: After hearing her say, "Yeah Baby" I would look around for the hidden cameras from the local comedy show. I would then say, "Y'know, my heart belongs to Schmoop, but you can borrow the rest of me since I payed for breakfast." Kidding of course Schmoop...Really. Have fun Metal!!
Starrlight: It's cleared up already...Trust me. Cheers!!
Oh no, I need my gold bond, thank you very much. The cooling sensation is sooo wooowee.
Though now I may not be eating any hot dogs for a little while do to visual images in me brain. enjoy the weekend, winky.
Sparky: I understand your loyalty to the Gold Bond. Enjoy your weekend and dont be too afraid a nice juicy dog. Cheers!!
I had to look up Ron Jeremy (rolling my eyes)
friends from that time in our lives have a unique insight don't they? Its great that you get to reconnect.
With descriptions of your manhood that have the tendency to inspire in me nausea, it amazes me you have such a strong female following. lol
Katherine: Well now you are familiar with, um...greatness. Sunday should be quite enjoyable. Cheers!!
Allie: I think it is my enadearing penchant for keeping it real, or maybe just a overpowering disbelief that one man can be such an ass, and not know it. Cheers Sexy!!
Lisa: It's reptilian. It goes thorugh phases much like a snake shedding it's skin. Completely harmless. Cheers!!
Matt, goddamn you... go eat a yogurt or two and maybe even dip your stick in it.
I get the dreaded yeast infection every time I take antibiotics and was once advised by my doc to eat yogurt as the enzymes in it break down yeast. And, it worked and so I have been cuuuuured!!!
Although it might be loads more fun to apply the Gold Bond :-)
Need a hand?
108: I appreciate the offer but bewteen a fifth of Wild Irish Rose and a warm wash cloth smeared in Cottage Cheese and Stewed Tomatoes, all is clear!! Bring on the weekend!!
Olive oil and fruit roll-ups?
Wait...I'm getting the visual. You know what? The thought that I am getting that visual is a little frightening.
Excellent stream as usual filled with disturbing visuals and TMI about the nether regions.
Cheers my good man!
Okay, THAT was disgusting.
Yet... appreciated :-)
Those damn pustules, Saturday night pussy isn't what it used to be :)
OMG.... how exactly did the cat get it? Fess up dude... you have to tell us....
Speaking of keeping it real, your presence has certainly been missed over at Gouda. What gives, ya fuckin slacker?
Travis: Why thanks. And you just have to convince your significant other to do engage in oily Roll-ups!!
108: Hey whatever works, ya know?
Hammer: HA...I truly appreciate your sense of rudeness. Cheers!!
Bond: What goes on between her and I, stays between her and I.
Allie: I have been in the doldrums all week. I am coming out of it now, and will be violating you again on a daily basis starting this weekend. Cheers.
Those "pigs in a blanket" are a favorite around here. Now I'll never look at them the same, LOL.
Hey, my Grandma has those same plates.
I never knew males could get yeast infections until I had sons. For them, the diaper was the culprit. Been wearing diapers lately?
I hope you have a comfortable, relaxing weekend.
Good luck, Ryno!
we have cures for all sorts of infections over at the gimcrack. even chancres....
ok, get you butt over to DATING PROFILE and take the challenge
Jaysus...those look absolutely delish in all their glorious greasiness.
-N
Kila: Thanks for stopping by!! They were Yum-Oh!! Sorry to ruin your future vision of them. Have a good one yourself and Cheers!!
Nurse: I should have come by, but I am all healed up now. Cheers!!
Bond: I'll stop by after I hang out with Ryno this morning. Thanks for reminding me.
Nat: They were incredible!! Cheers!!
Good to hear Matt. No one likes Gonads and Strife!
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