Streaming Friday!!

It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiiday so bathe my body in Olive Oil and throw me into a hot skillet because I feel like doing some flippin’ and floppin’. Anyone up for a Matt-Manwich?

Toe-Tappin’ Senator Craig has earned the John Kerry Flip-Flop Award. After playing footsie with an undercover cop, Craig was going to resign and then he said, perhaps he wouldn’t, and now he says he most likely will resign. Ai yi yi, I can’t keep up with the dude.

I am expecting him to give a speech sometime today saying, “I am not completely resigned to the fact that I will resign, because I am NOT gay, and yet I have ALWAYS been gay.” Man, I am gassy today…the stomach hurting kind of gas.

I had hot dogs for sup’ last night. I don’t care if they are comprised of chicken bladders and pig shit, hot dogs are so very Yum-Oh!! I may be making this season’s first batch of Football Crockpot Chili this Sunday, so I hope I can de-gas myself by then…judging by the odor that just engulfed me, I think I am well on my way. Wheeeew, ba-bay!! Vivaaaa Las Vegas.

Is anybody else as disturbed as I am by the new musical TV commercial for Viagra? It shows a half a dozen laughing middle age men sitting in a log cabin, playing instruments, and singing Vivaaaa Viagra, Viva, Vivaaa, Viagraaaaa!! I guess I should feel fortunate that the ad doesn’t show what may have taken place between the euphoric manly men prior to, or after the singing of this testosterone laden ditty…I’m a Lumberjack and I’m okay!!

I guess I’ll be voting for Barack Obama. I mean if Oprah is backing him, that settles it for me. Oprah has been my spiritual muse and life coach for years…that’s why my weight goes up and down, I wear 8,000 pounds of foundation on my face, and haven’t voted in a Presidential primary since 1988. Matt-Man, Oprah wannabe.

Corky is still sleeping which is odd. By this time of the morning, she is usually on my lap biting and clawing at my nipples as I type my post. I don’t know if I miss it or not. I think I do…Here kitty, kitty, kitty!! I just belched. Pardon Me.

I wonder if Fidel Castro still has sex, and if so, does he scream out, “Viva La Fornication!!”? I can also imagine his aides taking him to a bar to pick up chicks. His aide would ask, “See anybody that you like El Presidente’?” Castro would probably respond, “This place is nothing but a Bay of Pigs.”

I could go for a sausage sandwich and a Bloody Mary. Dee-Lish. I may clean today. I do so like my feather duster. I wonder, if I held Corky down and rubbed her on the carpet a few hundred times if I could then stick her to the wall? I’ll report back.

I actually feel sorry for Senator Craig. Can you imagine after all of this, he resigns and has to spend every waking moment with his wife? Wow. Talk about being de-scrotumized…the dude has no chance. I can hear her saying to him after every one of his utterances, “Shut the Hell Up, Boy-Toy.” I hope he has a good pair of egg-shell walking shoes.

Well folks, I am going to get some tuna, rub it on my nipples, and see if I can rouse Corky. Enjoy your weekend. Spend it soaked in Olive Oil while flip-flopping all over your Cuban lover. Tomorrow, and I promise you this, there will be new installment of Inky and Lola for your Saturday morning enjoyment.

Cheers!!