Streaming Friday!!

It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiiday so break out the defribullator because freedom of speech is in critical condition, Thomas Paine is rolling over in his grave, and the U.S. Senate and President are spending their time and our money condemning a moveon.org newspaper ad. Watch out JC Penney, the ad for your Columbus Day White Sale better be up to snuff!!

Is it just me, or would it be fun to watch Bill O’Reilly being put through a sausage grinder and fed to a herd of cattle? The down side is that the unsuspecting bovine would come down with Mad Cow Disease.

Did you know that attacking the testimony of General Petraeus is the same as attacking our men and women in fighting in Iraq? Dubya says so. Of course he has also said that Osama bin Laden could never understand the joy of Hanukkah, and yesterday announced that Nelson Mandela was dead.

My mind has been soaked in politics this week, but pop culture kept seeping in as well. These two clashing subjects have produced some strange dreams. The other night I dreamed that OJ Simpson was busy denying health insurance and an extra bowl of gruel to a small boy while President Bush and four thugs were breaking into Dick Cheney’s hotel room trying to get Dubya’s authority back. It gets freakier.

Last night I dreamed that Hillary Clinton was getting lampooned by the media because she dressed in a bra and panties and did a hideous dance at the Video Music Awards Show and Britney Spears was well… passed out naked on the floor of her campaign bus as her kids drank Clorox and ate Styrofoam packing peanuts. I guess that part of the dream isn’t that unbelievable. Excuse me, I tooted, must have been the SPAM I ate last night.

I was making Hamburger Helper the other night and Schmoop told me to use more than a pound of meat because, as she said, “I like a lot of burger in my stuff.” Whore!! I felt so emasculated!! I wish that I could have sex without testicles. It would be great…No pain when slipping onto the bar of my bicycle or when my son hit me in the crotch with a football. No Balls…No Pain. Of course without balls, I would probably start acting like Barack Obama. Boo Yah and nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

I refuse to watch my beloved Notre Dame Fighting Irish anymore this season. Instead, on Saturday afternoons, I will stab myself in the ear with a knitting needle for sixty minutes. This will afford me the same level of pain while saving money on the electric bill by not having the TV on. Does anyone besides me like cottage cheese on their baloney sandwiches? Dee-Lish!!

Well folks, I must go shave and scrub my man suit. I feel especially dirty this morning because last night I also dreamed that I was at a cocktail party and Ann Coulter slipped me the tongue. Oh the horror!!

Enjoy your weekend. Spend it praying for the return of common sense, and check out a new Inky and Lola cartoon tomorrow…

Cheers!!