Britney Limbaugh Loses Custody Of Her Phony Soldiers

There seems to be so much going on this morning and yet nothing at the same time. As I read and listen to the headlines in the news, I think to myself, “Wow there is a plethora of people and events at which to poke fun.” But then I think, “Oh forget it Matt, these things have been ridiculed to death, and they really are not newsworthy.”

Take for instance Britney Spears. She has lost custody of her two kids to ex-husband Kevin Federline, better known as K-Fed, or as I refer to him, “The Unwashed”. The court ruling didn’t reveal the reasons why Britney lost custody, but I can imagine that it contained Dean Wormer’s phrase, “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life.”

Okay, Britney isn’t fat at all compared to the average American, but you get my point. In fact, I don’t make fun of anybody who is carrying a few extra pounds because my weight has been up and down more than Senator Larry Craig’s foot in a bathroom stall.

The thing is, be she portly or not, the entire Britney saga will hopefully come to its conclusion and the media will turn its attention to, oh I don’t know, something relevant like the war in Iraq or dead monks in Myanmar.

Another example of much ado about nothing began yesterday. Conservative blow hard and North America’s largest producer of methane, Rush Limbaugh, was attacked by Media Matters and others for using the phrase “phony soldiers” on a radio broadcast last week. He was using the phrase in reference to Iraq War veterans who speak out against the Iraq war. Or was he? It seems to me he was referring to an outspoken anti-war soldier that claimed to have served in Iraq, when in fact, the soldier in question had not.

This “incident” is, much like Limbaugh himself...overblown. The media is all over it and now Rep. Udall (D-Colorado) wants to pass a resolution condemning El Rushbo’s statement. For the love of God Congressman, it was a waste when the Republicans took the people’s time to introduce a resolution condemning the Move On ad that took a shot at Gen. Petraeus, and your actions are equally inane and wasteful. Instead, why don’t you and your colleagues work on ending the war and lowering prescription drug costs.

Folks, I am pissed. All of these non-issues that are driving the news are driving me insane. Because of the media’s coverage of non-stories, it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to uncover the people and events that are worthy of laugh out loud ridicule. Is there a comedy embargo of which I am unaware? Damn it, I need funny stupid not irrelevant stupid. Somebody help me!!

Okay, I am done ranting for now. I will try to cheer up and get back to my sarcastic, yet good natured self as soon as possible. In the meantime, I am off to take my second shower of the day because it has just dawned on me that I just defended Rush Limbaugh and boy do I feel dirty. Damn, the media has really turned my world upside down.

Pass me the Irish Spring, the steel wool, and Cheers!!