Richard and Lindsay Roberts: TBN Is On The Way

I have a meeting this morning so instead of a new post I am reposting this entry from November of 2006. I chose it because it relates to the emerging scandal (which I wrote about on Tuesday) involving Richard and Lindsay Roberts at Oral Roberts University. Enjoy, and see you later today...


I was going to write a witty article about Rod Parsley, Benny Hinn, Paula White, and all of the gang over at TBN, but last night while I was sleeping a vision came to me. It interrupted a most excellent dream that I was having. I was playing Nude Twister with Jessica Alba and Beyonce, but I digress.


It was a vision of Paul, Jan, and the entire TBN family putting on a big Broadway type finale for their Fall Praise-a-Thon. They were talking in tongues, laying hands of healing on the crowd, and the “Charismatic Gold Digger Dancers" were shaking their money makers to a solid gold gospel track. It was thunderous...Hallelujah, and Praise to be to God.


Suddenly, at the apex of the spirit filled frenzy, two men walked out from the wings with guitar and harp in hand. It was Woody Guthrie and Pete Seeger.


As the saved souls waved their arms back and forth, the duo began to play a song. A song to the tune of “This Land is Your Land”, and it went something like this…


As I was watchin’ My Cable station
Paul Crouch was preachin’
Bout God’s salvation
“You have been sinnin’”
So start your gi-ih-vin’
Your soul belongs to TBN (chorus)


Chorus:
This Lord is Paul’s Lord
No way he’s your Lord
If you want mercy,
Pay at the front door
Just send a check please
So you can sow-a-seed
Your soul belongs to TBN


A man was cursin’
So Benny Hinn nursed him
A cancer patient, Who was a Persian
Hinn said, “He’s Muslim,
But now I’ve cur-ur-ed him.”
Allah’s no match for Benny Hinn


Then Pastor Parsley
He raged divinely
“I save chicks, who, lust vaginally”
Yo, all you bull dykes
It’s time to see the light
Spread em’, redemption’s drawing nigh. (chorus)


And just as quickly, the vision faded and my dream of the Nude Twister game returned. It was quite a disturbing transition. I think at one point Benny tried to hone in on my action and he whipped out his Tower of Babel…Ugh. Because of that, I loathe TBN even more.


I believe however, that for now, I have exorcised myself of the TBN demons. You’ll be happy to know that I have gotten it out of my system just in time for Stream of Consciousness Friday…Thank God!! Ha…I said, “Thank God”, how ironic.


Cheers…

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