Grab The Red Baron Pizzas...The White Death Cometh!!

It is going to start looking a lot like Christmas later on today. Between this evening through tomorrow afternoon, we are supposed to get anywhere from 3-6 inches of snow here in the Greater Bagwine, Ohio Metroplex.

I like snow and am fascinated by its ability to decrease the IQ of drivers and grocery shoppers by 84.6%.

Here in Bagwine, Ohio when the local weather folks predict that even a half inch of the white stuff will fall from the heavens, milk, bread, and eggs go flying off of the store shelves faster than a portly Jewish girl going down on Bill Clinton.

With the possibility of 6 inches of snow, not only will those items be selling quickly but so will dietary staples such as Little Debbie Cakes, Doritos, frozen corn dog nuggets, and Diet Pepsi. In spite of the chaos, the chance of snow definitely puts a smile on my face.

You know what else puts a smile on my face? Dreams and thoughts of a naked, oiled up Tyra Banks sliding and slithering all over my old, tired, used up body. And because she has been responsible for many of my daydreams and nearly all of my nocturnal emissions, I would like to wish her a Happy 34th Birthday.

Happy 34th Birthday Tyra. You are in my heart. You are in my mind. You are in my database of addresses of hot chicks that I have obtained illegally. Happy Birthday and bless you for soothing my pain of not having actual sex.

As I mentioned yesterday, there is just so much going on this week, and yesterday’s revelation that the Iranians halted their nuclear program four years ago adds to the hot topics. Hopefully President Bush will talk about his obvious lack of knowledge, and lying about their nukes in order to instill fear in the public and all the while getting a giant erection over it this when he holds his press conference at 10 A.M.

Steven Hadley, Bush’s National Security Adviser said that while the report that came out states that those pesky Persians did halt their nuclear program, they still held open options to seek weapons in the future. This, he says, proves that the Administration’s warning of the danger of the Iranians is sound. WTF?

The Iranians are dangerous because they might want to get nuclear weapons someday, and yet do not have an active technology program in this area? If that’s the case, I am a threat to national security as well, because even though I do not possess the technology, I would love to have a phaser just like Captain Kirk…Only my phaser wouldn’t have a stun setting, it would be “Kill” only.

I wish President Bush good luck today; it’s gonna be a rough one, because the word “noo-klee-err” is going to come up often.

Well kids, I am off to stock up on my staples in advance of the approaching White Death. My staples you ask? Bagwine, smokes, and frozen pizza of course, I’m not like those unhealthy folks that I mentioned.

Cheers!!