In Memoriam: Merry Christmas My Friend, I Miss You

Last year at this time, I lost a very dear friend, a great guy that I and others called, Bagwine Kringle. I still miss him, especially at this time of year because he died while trying to put together some Christmas joy for those less fortunate than
him.

Please join me in remembering his life and honoring his passing.

Words cannot express the sorrow that I feel at this moment. No amount of tears can purge my soul of the loss. Bagwine Kringle gave so much to so many and his passing will be felt the world around.

It seems BK and a couple of his “elves” Tina and Dex, were busy wrapping presents for some of the less fortunate local kids. While Tina and Dex selfishly ran next door to grab a sandwich, Kringle the workaholic that he is, ate what he had on hand and continued the Christmas assemblage.

He was hurriedly gulping down some Salmon Fancy Feast cat food and evidently began to choke on a small bone, because when Tina and Dex returned, he was lying on the floor gasping for air.

Dex called the paramedics while Tina tried to ply him with some Wild Irish Rose to relax his throat muscles. She quickly found out that that was not the best idea. He spewed out a mixture of WIR and bile that resembled a poorly made marinara sauce with a stench reminiscent of bandicoot urine.

Although nearing death, he was with his two best friends.

BK was with his dear friend Tina, whose street name is Bowling Ball. She is a 48 year old prostitute with large breasts, two prosthetic legs, and a glass eye. Her seductive wiles are legendary. Oh sure, some women can spread their legs really wide, but Tina can take hers completely off.

She is also very accommodating. If a client is feeling extremely kinky, she will pop out her glass eye, and let him give her, shall we say...a facial. Tina is one who gives and gives, and that is why she and Bagwine Kringle were pals.

And then, there is good ol’ Dex Lexler, or Sarge as BK called him. He was never in the military, but BK always kidded him that he looked like the dog from Beetle Bailey.

I know, the dog’s name was actually Otto, but Kringle was close. Those two shared so many of the same traits…compassion, generosity, and cirrhosis of the liver. They were of one mind inside of two bodies and now sadly, they are half the men they use to be…or something like that.

I guess when the paramedics arrived, BK was nearly expired. His lungs raled bilaterally, desperately gasping for air, but it was not to be. His two closest friends looked down upon him as they sobbed unrelentingly.

And then, as the medics placed him on the cart, Bagwine Kringle looked at his friends with that familiar twinkle in his good eye, and with his final breath said, “Don’t cry for me Sarge and Tina.”

I miss you Bagwine Kringle, here's a toast to you....

Cheers!!