Streaming Friday!!

It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiday so put a bottle of Korbel in my hand and a diaper on my ass, it’s almost New Year’s Eve.

I remember a New Year’s party a few years ago that my brother Party Marty threw...

We were all having a blast…eating, drinking, singing, and playing poker. And then a friend, Tone, fell into, and knocked the damn Christmas Tree over. Dumbass.

It was a live tree and the holder was full of water and tree preservative. It ran all over the floor, and that preservative stuff congealed onto the carpet. It looked like a big pool of cum forming a moat around the tree trunk. Hmmmm? A cum moat?

Maybe we could put a moat full of schmegma on our border with Mexico to dissuade aliens from crossing. But we can’t use just anyone’s love liquid, we need to fill the moat with Dick Cheney’s carnal cream. That’ll keep em’ out. I bit all my fingernails off last night. My big toe hurts.

Lalalalalala…Bagwine sympathies go out to the family and followers of former Pakistani Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto. She was assassinated yesterday. I really liked her. In spite of corruption allegations, she was smart, articulate, and in her day, pretty damn hot. Now she’s dead….people suck. Don’t they Corky?

Is Canada really a country, or is it really some type of group home for the stupid? I’ll do the research and get back with ya on that. When I think about you, I touch myself…I touch myself. Ha, that applies to most of my readers. Y’all are sexy!! Gronk, gronk, gronk, and pee in the shower. What?

I need to get more coffee, be right back bitches…Ahhhhhhh, much better. Any big plans for New Year’s Eve? We’re just hanging out at home, which isn’t always safer than going out. One New Year’s Eve at the Bagwine digs, Schmoop got toasted, started dancing, and smashed her head into the window.

On the floor lay a big pile of glass chards and what was left of her dignity. Not Pretty!! That would never happen to me…I have no dignity. Bada Bing and Yo Yo Ma.

While typically a humble guy, when it comes to my writing and comedic talents I have a pretty big ego. I will painfully admit however, yesterday I came across a blog that is far funnier than mine. If you want to check it out, click HERE.

Well I must end this stream because I have a stream of coffee of which to dispose. Enjoy your weekend all. Spend it drinking Champagne while swimming in a moat full of jack-off jelly.

Cheers!!