Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Mike Huckabee...Submit or Burn

Another Sunday in Bagwine, Ohio…another day of the Lord that brings you and I together for a time of reflection on the past, and a prayer or two for the future.

I feel the Almighty stirring briskly and deeply within the bowels of my soul today. Although I sometimes feel unworthy for such a role, I am proud to be a catalyst of holy redemption.

Let us begin this service with an answer. This man has been released from a LA hospital after suffering a mild heart attack on Monday. Who is Alex Trebek? Correct.

The Church of Bagwine wishes him a full recovery so he can once again diddle his wife twice a day thereby successfully completing the Daily Double.

Speaking of wives…GOP Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee believes that a wife should submit to the will of her husband. This has caused some uproar among a few of the ladies, but he is being backed up on this by more than just a few Evangelical leaders. What do I have to say on this matter?

What the hell kind of Biblical Bizarro world is this guy living in?

First of all, it doesn’t happen now and there isn’t any chance of that happening in the foreseeable future. Secondly, even if you thought that, should you come out say that?

However…if the wives are to submit to husbands and you’re a Mormon like Mitt Romney, that’s a whole lot of submission goin’ on in one house. And that my friends, turns me on.

Can you imagine? Mormon homes everywhere would be rocking with the sights and sounds of some dude prancing around his living room with a riding crop while his six hot, naked wives wearing dog tags and sitting on a bondage sofa, are begging to be whipped into redemption. Unbridled sex AND a fully stocked food pantry…be still my heart.

This could be the beginning of a new entertainment industry. Polypornography!! Sado-Mormonism!! Hell, the movie titles themselves would be enough to entice folks to buy the DVDs…

Titles such as Brigham Young Girls Gone Wild, Latter-Day Bitch Slap, and Salt Lake Clitty. For those of you who play on a different team, we offer, Brokeback Mormon, and Missionary Impossible: Search for the Strap-On.

I think I may be on to something here, but for now, let us bow our heads and pray…

Lord, we ask that you lay your hands upon Alex Trebek, heal his heart, and keep him from the harm of Final Jeopardy. Lord, Hear Our Prayer.

Holy Father, although I am not a leper, and not blind, I do have a odd looking rash around my testicular region that could use a clean up. Lord, Hear Our Prayer.

Amen, and Amen.

Enjoy your Sunday. If you can, please tune into TB’s BlogTalk Radio Show tonight at 8 P.M. I promise to be in good voice, fully naked and half-way sober. For details, click HERE.

Pax Vobiscum, and Cheers!!