Wow…It’s only Wednesday and I am already looking ahead to the days that mark profound change next week.Next Tuesday, the Presidential candidates will be fighting it out in over 20 state primaries and caucuses. Of course the Republican field will have been narrowed down by one by then.
On the heels of the John McCain’s win over Mitt Romney in Florida last night, and his own dismal third place finish, America’s
The Giuliani campaign has come crashing down faster and harder than the World Trade Center Towers…whose demise and the ensuing tragic
human carnage is upon which Giuliani ghoulishly based his ill-fated campaign. Later, pea brain.Next Wednesday, is Ash Wednesday and the start of Lent. It also marks the start of 46 meatless days for me.
From February 6th until Easter Sunday, I will eschew meat. (For those of you who live in the south, “eschew” means, “to abstain”. It isn’t a word that prompts you to say, “Gesundheit.) I will abstain from eating any beef, pork, or fowl.
As you can see, Schmoop has stocked up on beans and other things for me to sustain myself during my Road to Damascus journey. Nothin
g yields salvation and repentance better than flatulence and firm bowel movements. Praise Jesus.Thursday, February 7th, marks my 43rd birthday. A celebration of that day in history when my mom pushed out a 10 lb. bundle of joy that would later run an internet campaign for President. Of course, there probably wasn’t much pushing.
As the last of nine kids, she probably just got up out of the hospital bed, and I, delivered by the forces of gravity, fell out, smashing my soft skull on the cold, hard, somewhat antiseptic floor. That would explain a few things that I did later in life.
Speaking of birthdays, today is Vice-President Dick Cheney’s 67th b
irthday. Happy Birthday Mr. Vice-President; Go fuck yourself!!I am making yet another request of you, my readers. If you get a chance, please send my Presidential campaign your questions about my stance on the issues that affect us all.
Any question that you may have…Be it on taxes, terrorism, health care, or bestiality…anything.
Simply email your questions to me or leave them in the comments, and I will answer them throughout the campaign season. I thank you in advance.
With that being said, I wish you a Happy Hump Day.
If you get a chance, listen to the Mo Show on BlogTalk Radio tonight at 7 EST. He’s talkin’ ‘bout Bad Dates tonight. For details, click HERE.
Cheers!!
65 comments:
Mmmmmmm Fish Sticks !!!!
Doc: Mmmmmmm is right. I do so love heavily breaded faux fish. Cheers!!
Wow you would think even a presidential candidate would be excused from "lent" but on the other hand that might get ya some points! Happy hump day!!
A fellow Aquarian!!! That explains it all...it explains everrrryyyyyytttthhhiiinngggggg!
I will be sending my inquiries and expect to have them promptly replied!!!
;)
Cheers Mattio!
Roger: Yeah just what I need, a bunch of PETA whack-o's on board. Good thing I am still going to eat fish. That will keep them at bay. Cheers!!
Leighann: Only if you take pictures and send them to me. Cheers!!
Deb: Ah, you too eh? Let me know when your big day is. I'll be expecting very pithy questions from you. Cheers to you!!
Ummm Matt-Man? Can you explain to me why fish is meat to everyone EXCEPT those who don't eat meat during lent?? Although I think it's better that you eat the fish rather than the beans - ALL those beans ...
So the night before you have to give up meat do you make a "final" meal? Mine would consist of chicken wrapped in steak dipped in ham. Mmmmm.
Dana: I can explain with the following why fish is NOT meat:
When some women see a hot studly guy, they say, "Hey look at that BEEFcake." They dont say, "Hey look at that FISHcake."
And referring to a guy's package one might say, "He's gotta lot of man-Meat." Not "man-Fish."
Q.E.D.: Meat and fish are not the same. Cheers!!
Tink: That sounds good, but I would need a side dish to go with that. A side dish in the form of a pound of bacon. Mmmmmmmm, bacon. Cheers!!
So, this will be my second year to witness the Meatless Matteo. I'm very curious as to what this year's incarnation will bring...
Looks like you've got some really exciting things to look forward to.....as the race gets narrower....
Peace
Songbird: Me too. I didn't have a camera for this experience last year. Now I do. It could get ugly, and be captured in photo form. Cheers!!
Odat: Wisdom, Expeience, and empty promises shall fall short of keeping me from the White House. Cheers Odat!!
I am still waiting for the answer to the whole prophet question. Other than that, and you can thank Vinny Bond for sparking this one, which is it. Coke or Pepsi?
So um...Dick is an Aquarian eh? Let's not claim him. And I will be thinking of you on the 7th as I perpare for my 39th on the 8th :P
Oh and fyi, breaking news, Edwards and his haircut are dropping out.
Starr: I have already copied your question from yesterday onto my list.
Dick sucks, and yes I remembered your birthday. As far as Edwards, I heard that. He must have realized that there is only room for one Ralph Nader in America.
Cheers!!
The year before last was my first observation of Lent... I gave up coffee and it almost killed me. Last year I gave up cheese and kept honestly forgetting whenever we went out to eat. Since 90% of the restaurants here are Mexican, it's kinda hard to not eat cheese.
Your campaign has a stance on bestiality? What is it?
Marilyn: Oooo WOW. Giving up cheese would be as hard on me as giving up meat.
Thanks for the question. I will post my stance (possibly while on fours) on beastiality in the near future. Cheers!!
Dang it! My last comment got et!
What I said was,...
Egads! Starrlight isn't even 40 yet?!?!?!? What an insolent child, she is.
*sigh*
I'm all a quiver in anticipation of photographic evidence - the Meatless Matteo. A quiver...with nausea...
Songbird: It's just not right is it? I'm sure that I'll have good pics of my meat DTs. Cheers, and keep on quiverin'. It makes me hot!!
You might be able to eat Spam. I'm not sure if there is any actual meet there. Oh, and you can eat Hillary...she's not packing any meat! Bah hah hah...sorry...couldn't resist.
I have to say that I'm a little concerned about this no meat thing. I'm worried that you won't have enough energy to keep up the campaigning. Maybe you can give up meat but take up Meth? That might carry you through.
At least you aren't giving up alcohol. ;-)
Hahaha... Aquarians are great people, so, that too, should help in your overall appeal... And you honor Lent, so that is plus too... Now, give me your stance on terrorism, that is one concern which lurks in the minds of all... What happened to Rudy? Last I heard he was gonna endorse YOU~ Oh well, you have lots of endorsements already and you are barely out the gate... good luck to ya, and, have a great day Mr. Prez hopeful... :))
No meat. I don't think I could do it. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but I'm a meat eater. You can take that anyway you like Matt-Man. Have a great day. :)
VE: I've thought about SPAM and Hot Dogs not really beig meat. But I'll pass I guess. Poor Hill. Cheers!!
Jay: No meth needed. A fifth of Wild Irish Rose really gets both mind and body going. Cheers!!
Lyn: Aquarius too, are you by chance? I'll add your question to the burgeoning list.
I think Rudy pulled his endorsement from me when he found out that I had a soul. Cheers!!
Sandee: Giving up meat is rough. "You can take that anyway you like Matt-Man." Hell, I'll take it anyway I can get it, Sandde. Cheers!!
Matt-man: The wolf is in the hen house, code talk baby!
So many days without Spam, and you'll live????
Edwards is dropping out of his side of the race from what I saw this morning, and I thought he planned to hang in there for Super Tuesday.
Okay here's an issue close to my heart Mr. President to be...
Homeschooling, your stand?
Gay marriage...your stand?
Mama: I am going to miss my SPAM. Oh the things I do for redemption.
Homeschooling and Gay Marriage. Got It. I'll add it to my list. Cheers!!
i once saw a corvair in the city known as the republic of Davis (home of UC Davis) that had a Ralph Nadar for Pres. bumper sticker on it.....isn't that like oil and vinegar?
I have three questions....first is your potential running mate...
second is your stand on labor...
third is...If i'm sitting in my truck playing on my laptop while on the clock...am I still working?
happy birthday on the 7th...as a man, it's my obligation to forget between now and then
Teamster: A Nader guy in a corvair? Wow. That's like Dick Cheney sharing a cab with Ahmadinejad!!
All very good questions. I will copy them to my list and respond soonly.
Thank you and with any luck, I will forget my birthday as well. Cheers!!
Ok Matt-Man...
What's your stance women that refuse to wear push up bras?
There needs to be some kind of law against it. Seriously.
Real: Good one...That will take some deep soul searching. And for clarification, you are just asking me about women wearing them, right? Cheers!!
Now now Matt dahling, I know you are down on John, but a Nadar bash? You just know Ralph smells vaguely of BO and mothballs whereas John smells of expensive cologne and haircuts ;)
And guess...that post I had with the Star Wars Astrology? DICK is the reason we Aqua Tots got Darth. I blame Cheney!
And no Desert my dear I am not yet 40. And I never will be. Like Jack Benny, I am embarking on a long love affair with 39. In ten years or so I shall dump 39 and take up with 49.
Starr: Just referencing a man who runs knowing full well that he can't win. I loathe Nader far more than Edwards.
And yes, I remember that Astrology thing you did. Dick being an Aquarian really screws up the purity of the Zodiac. Cheers!!
Well every sign needs their Evil Genius. Could be worse. Taurians get Hitler.
Starr: That is bad. We also have Ronnie Raygun (Feb. 6th) Such a cosmic disruption. Cheers!!
Good luck with lent. May your colon enjoy it's 46 day vacation.
Hammer: My colon will be in SHOCK!! Thanks, and Cheers!! Glad you are back.
I love it when you meatless...so many strange dreams.
OK add my question to the list...immigration/illegal aliens...what are we going to do?
Raven: It does get a bit psychedelic at times doesn't it? Will do Raven. Cheers!!
I have a Catholic Lent abstinence question - do you have the same rule that some of my friends do? that you don't have to abstain on Sundays?
so glad Giuliani is out. he was just muddying the Republican waters.
whatcha going to do to celebrate your birthday?
Lisa: Technically, Sundays during Lent are excluded from anything one may give up. I, however, being far more pious than true, practicing Catholics, observe my meatlessness on the Sundays of Lent as well.
My birthday will be spent eating a Meat-Free Pizza and then hopefully getting biblical with Schmoop for dessert. Cheers!!
Lent in Greece is great. It is preceded by 3 weeks of carnival and fancy dress parties then the final Thursday before lent is an eat as much meat as you can feast and the following Monday (clean Monday) is a seafood feast with loads of prawns, octopus, crab, lobster, squid and, and and...
... all eaten with a special bread.
The kids fly kites, the adults drink wine and then lent begins :)
and a question, What is your stance on government controls to prevent overfishing?
Cathy: That's sounds like a heck of a party. I would have so much to repent for during Lent if I was there.
The prevention of overfishing...That's a tough one, but I will have an answer at some point soon. Cheers!!
Fish=Meat. Period. That is cheating. Period.
So you are giving up meat but not the bagwine? good boy'
Will be back with my list of issues for you.
Does penis count as "meat"? If so, you're fucked.
Jahooni: Fish is meat!!? If that was truly the case I'd be eating Salisbury Salmon and Snapper Jerky on a daily basis.
Give up Bagwine? There would be killings. I'll be awaiting your questions with baited breath. Cheers!!
108: Y'know Kyra. We don't need that potty talk going on while discussing my attempt to get nearer my Lord to thee. Cheers!!
Why not Matt? Not planning on going down like the Titanic?
That was a gimme, you know that right? I had to :P
Starr: If I had been the Captain of the Titanic, the Lord would not have allowed such a tragedy.
He would have protected all of the lives on board and thus protecting future generations from hearing that horrid Celine Dion song. Cheers!!
Matt! Your Man Ralph Malph is thinking of running. What a complete and total egomaniac.
Nadar
Starr: Of course he is. At this point, and you pointed it out, it's all about his fragile, damn ego.
He has a need to make himself feel relevant. In his own mind anyway. Cheers!!
MATT-MAN: Running mate...was that not a subject for discussion last week? hehehehehehehehee
All those beans... OMG does Schmoop have a gas-mask?
Hump this dude...
Bond: My VEEP selection is under tighter rap than the gold at Ft. Knox.
As far as humping "that"...Only if you have a sex change, convert to Judaism, and bring me a cigar. I know that you already like to wear blue dresses. Cheers!!
I try my best to go without meat during lent... but that's just really hard.
Yup... meat... hard... same sentence... OH. MY... ;-)
Will vote here in TN next Tuesday. Bet you'll never guess who I'm writing in on the ballot? ;-)
SMOOCHES~
Dixie: Meat is indeed hard to give up. Make sure you spell it with two "T"s when you write it in Dixie. Cheers!!
It occurs to me that I can go to the grocery and the butcher will filet some white fish or cut me some salmon steaks.
I can also get a nice filet mignon or a juicy NY strip steak.
So I ask you...if both fish and meat can be filets or steaks, how's come you don't give up fish too?
Travis: Because I said so. Cheers!!
Memo To God:
Please cancel Lent.
I don't think we can endure another 40 meatless days of Bagwine.
Sincerely,
Sinner Mo
Mo: Blasphemer!! Cheers!!
I knew I was over-thinking it.
Travis: Ha...Good One. Cheers!!
maybe schmoop wants to visit California for the season?
Didn't vatican 2 declare the porteguese fishing industry solvent...and allow you all to eat meat again?
don't be fooled...The Teamster is good at celebrating birthdays....VERY good....smile.
Katherine: The Teamster really lit your candle and drove your wagon eh? Cheers Kat!!
One word: Hummus
Great on sandwiches. Mix it up by adding olives, feta, maybe throw in a fishstick and give it a whirl in the food processor.
Downside (or upside, depending on which side of the bed you call your own): Robust Farting.
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