It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiiiiday so pull my lever and dangle my chad; the Iowa Caucuses are over and the New Hampshire primary is just four days away. What a wacky cockuss it was last night in Iowa. There were big winners, big losers, and plenty of corn.
Barack Obama convincingly defeated John Edwards and Hillary Clinton. What does this mean?
In addition to Obama, the big winners are anti-status quo Americans, and Jim Bob “Kitten Killer” Pernell, the membership director for the KKK.
The big losers? Hillary, the party establishment, and Bull Connor. On the Repub…Today is “Clean the House in the Nude Day.”
I’ll take pictures, post them, and see if you guys are able to determine which is the vacuum attachment and which is my tally whacker. I had hamburgers last night.
Where was I? Oh…On the Republican side, Mike Huckabee trounced Mitt Romney, and the rest of the field. God’s light was shining down on the Huckster last night, or was that the light of The Almighty laughing his Supernatural ass off?
The big winners in addition to the Huckster were, Evangelicals, coat hangers, and Chuck Norris’ career. The losers? Mitt Romney, impregnated rape/incest victims, and common sense.
My man Joe Biden did much better than I thought he would; he got 1% of the vote. Needless to say, he has now dropped out. Britney!! Drunk and Drugged again!! Taken to the hospital!! Loses custody again!!
Man, I love the chick’s consistency. What a moron. She’s as sharp as the leading edge of a rolling ball bearing. Acorns have an interesting shape.
I can’t remember the last time that I had lint in my belly button. Odd. Lint…Lent starts with Ash Wednesday on February 6th, one day before my birthday. I only have a few meals left before I give up meat for 46 days. Can’t wait to feast on a dinner of Butter Beans and Cottage Cheese…Yum-Oh!!
I may write a new song today about Mike Huckabee…I hope he stays in contention because he is fun to mess with. Yep, I’ll definitely be raggin’ on hymn.
Man, I’m going to be 43 next month. I now walk around the abode and get carpet burns on my balls because they hang so low. Just call me Hot Sack Matt.
I hope you guys are funnier today than you have been this week, because tomorrow I’ll be announcing the Comment of the Week, better known as COW…The “the” is silent. That’s all I have today, that’s all there is, there isn’t anymore.
Enjoy your weekend. Spend it eating a bowl of Butter Beans while picturing me vacuuming nekkid.
Cheers!!
55 comments:
yes acorns are a funny shape. does that have anything to do with you being naked?
Huckabee is such a funny name.
I'm sure the political cartoonists are glad he won.
Nurse: Ha...I hadn't thought of that. Very Good. Cheers!!
Hammer: Yes it is. And writing a song should be easy because because "Mike" and "Huckabee" rhyme with soooo many things. Cheers!!
Butter Beans and Cottage Cheese that shit will cause a brown run to the bathroom scraping a leg along the way! Have a great weekend Matt!
Roger: It will be Lent. In addition to my soul, I will be purging my colon. Cheers!!
There once was a man named Matt
Whose balls were as large as a sack
He would vacuum all naked
Then he would fake it
______________________________!
Please finish...i can't think of anything....lmaoooooooooooooo
Peace
There were big winners, big losers, and plenty of corn.
Did anyone else read this as plenty of porn? Maybe I just thought that would add a bit of a thrill to the Iowa Cock ... ummmm ... Caucuses!
Odat: He fell and they lodged in his crack. Cheers!!
Dana: I bet there was plenty of porn going on in Bill Clinton's room. I dig that man. Cheers!!
I hereby volunteer to follow you throughout your day, carrying your ball sack and saving you from any further carpet torture!
Ain't I sweet? ;)
Leighann: YOU, are incredibly selfless. My boys and I thank you. Cheers!!
You are such a tease about the nude photo thing.
I never before wanted to be a COW... but that's okay because your other commentors are way funnier.
About the acorns... do you mean haha funny, or weird funny, because they don't look all that interesting to me.
If you're using the crevice tool during your nekkid "carpet" sucking today, be careful not to trip and give yourself a colonoscopy.
Iffen you do vacuum nekkid, you might wanna butter your beans first so as they slide along the carpet better.
Marilyn: You not funny? I still remember a comment that you made about Cheese-on-a-Stick. Who says I am teasing? Cheers!!
Jeff: That wouldn't be all bad. I have been having some rather disturbing looking bowel movements that should be checked out. Or at least put in the Guiness Book of World Records. Cheers!!
Songbird: I do have access to Murphy's Oil Soap. That might work pretty well while leaving a shine and pleasant scent at the same time. Cheers!!
Oh, and if you call me a cow, I might be havin' to mooooove along to another pasture, my agricultural friend...
BWAHAHAHA! I crack myself up. Or, wasn't it your crack that was being discussed here? Whatever...
Yes Obama the big winner but we havent gotten Hillary to quit yet... Maybe South Carolina will convince her to quit... Matt if you (or anyone else) gets a minute I just posted my Friday randoms on my blog and would welcome you opinions as well.
Is it ok for me to post a link to your blog on mine ? I like what I read here.
-Shane (doc)
Docmtcat: Thanks for stopping by. I'll be around your randomness sometime today. Link away and I am going to be adding links and changing my blogroll look this weekend or early next week so I'll add you as well if you'd like. Cheers!!
Link me up - thats great... Oh by the way The Biggest Winners of the cockuss are the people of Iowa since the politicans are leaving them alone now and moving on to bother the good folks of New Hampshire, South Carolina and Michigan
-Shane (doc)
Thinking of you vacuuming naked just made me pinch my nipple. Sweet!
Do you really mean that? That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me....
*sniff*
Docmtcat: Will do. That may be true but as for me I am a political addict. Cheers Shane!!
Real: Thinking of you pinch your nipple just made my wee wee squirm. Cheers!!
108: I knew you would appreciate it. Y'know from one whore to another. Of course, I am a very unsuccessful whore. Cheers Kyra!!
Iowa is a nice place. The people there are very friendly and considerate and honest and all that good shit. But, I tell ya man, when it comes to politics they are serious attention whores. I bet they wish we voted for Pres every two years instead of four.
I bet even though it happens only every four years the Caucuses are the second biggest contributor to the Iowa economy.
Jay: Well when there's nothing else to do but watch corn grow, what are you going to do? Cheers!!
I just pinched my wee wee and it made my nipples squirm. I'm so confused.
Jeff: Confused? I think you're being kind to yourself. Cheers!!
Oh I am so very very pleased with last night's results. Couldn't have been happier than if Britney Spears had spontaneously combusted with face herpes. Oh wait... that's already happened. No wonder I'm so happy! :)
Allie: I am sure you are pleased. I always knew you were a Huckabee supporter at heart. Cheers!!
I still don't like any of them, but I'm glad to see Hillary (who I like the least) get her due. Bwahahahahah. I'll await your hymn on the old huck. That should be good for a few laughs. Have a great day and weekend Matt-Man, and I'll pass on trying to visualize you in the nude. That comment about how low your balls are hanging didn't do it for me. Ewwwwww. :)
As always, I can depend on you to put a smile on my face no matter what voters do to mess up the world. Sorry Biden has dropped out, but it was inevitable ... all those brains and years of experience were just too much for them to handle.
Do stay in your birthday suit. It will make you the life of the party tomorrow for 12th night.
all this talk of you and Jeff pinching and squirming has distracted me from the corn-fed-politics...
too bad about Biden...
note: 7Feb...43...you're a BABY!
The cat and I plan on a purrrrrr-fect weekend. May you have the same.
Sandee: Don't count the Hill and the Clinton machine out just yet. HAve a good weekend youraelf and Cheers!!
Jamie: I knew Biden had no chance but if he is on the ballot in Ohio come March, I will still punch his name for my own satisfaction. Cheers!!
Al: Midget porn rocks especially when a bakery is involved. Flour everywhere. Cheers!!
Kat: I gues we are a touchy bunch. Yes it's a shame about Biden but not a surprise. Baby,my ass. Cheers!!
Nick: Thanks my good man. You and Alex enjoy as well. Cheers!!
Baby your ass? What are you thinking...a little oil and powder perhaps?
Kat: You're a mind reader. That could be my B-Day present. Cheers!!
Hey you are almost as old as Barack Hussein Obama! Any chance you can be his running mate?
- The Mountain Cat.
Docmtcat: Not a chance. I like his oratory skills, and his vision for the future, but I don't think he has the balls to get it done.
His voting history shows a propensity to shy away from controversy. Wow that was deep. Cheers!!
have you any opinions on Manischewitz wine??
Hot Lemon: Manischewitz!!? Sewer Water. Nothing but Wild Irish Rose will do. Cheers!!
"raggin’ on hymn".....
Priceless.
Mimi: Ha...Thanks for picking up on that. Cheers!!
Hey Hot Sack~~ Are your nutz the shape of acorns too? Butter those babies up so you don't cause static...I'm sure Schmoop would appreciate it. I like vacuuming... and I'll bet I have better attatchments!
As for the winners and losers? I'm still going to vote for Pat Paulson... sock it to me baby~~~
Cheesy: Pat Paulsen is so yesterday...My money is on Wink Martindale. Gotta go butter up. Cheers!!
Well slap my ass and call me Nancy, your B-day is the 7th? Mine is the 8th. Great minds, Matt, great minds. Chime in here Desert ;)
Starr: Hey...Let's get together and exchange birthday spankings!! Cheers!!
man I thought I had been here yesterday...I actually think with a strong running mate, Obama could get it done...just me...
ok, shivers at the thought of you doing anything in the nude...
Bond: I don't think Obabma can do it in a general election. Too many redneck voters, and not just in the South.
Don't continue to deny your man love for me. Cheers!!
I agree Matt. I think that while there may be enthusiasm in the primary stages, I think that when the time came for the final pull of the lever (or use of the horribly compromised electronic voting machine) that in the end even folks who were "for" Obama, or Hillary for that matter, would find themselves unable to vote for a black man or a uterus owner.
I just don't think American's are as highly evolved as they like to think they are.
Starr: Unfortunately, I agree with you, and it's very sad. Cheers Starr!!
You should probably think about getting a second opinon re your sack issue. I've been 43 since last April and mine doesn't seem to be...
...uhm...wait...that might just be too much information for this family friendly place.
Nevermind!
So now I have to be funny? That's just way more pressure then I can deal with.
What say I just pack on about 50 pounds? Then EVERY one will be calling me a COW!
Awww man, I missed the butter beans. :(
Travis: Bastard!!
Julie: Suffering from performance anxiety? Cheers!!
CrAzY: In a month there will be more than enough for all of us. Cheers!!
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