It’s Stream Of Consciousness Friiiiiiiday so put me in panties and take my picture, because I have a gift of campaign love for you all.I was taken aback by the requests from some of my readers asking for a picture of me wearing the panties that were in the picture of my closet that I displayed on my post yesterday.
Oh sure, I was flattered, but more than that, it confirmed something that I had suspected for quite some time…
Boy Howdy, you guys are a bunch of sick, sado-masochistic, sunzabitches!!
Today I am sending out a blast email to about 100 newspapers, cable news outlets, and radio stations announcing my candidacy for President of the United States.
I am hoping for some positive feedback. What the hell, I have just as much chance of winning as Ron Paul, Denny Kucinich, Duncan Hunter, or Fred Thompson. Zzzzzzzzzz thud wap!!
Man, I have a craving for a fried bologna sandwich. Have you ever had fried bologna? Yum-Oh!! If I make one, I’ll take pictures. Yeah, I know you’re thrilled about that. Love, love, love plus one. Haircut 100, what a band.
I miss eating peanut butter toast and drinking chocolate milk while watching Bugs Bunny on Saturday mornings. I must have pulled a muscle in my back it’s killing me. I may have strained it while trying to drop a load after eating a meal of dry pancakes, a bowl of oatmeal, and corn on the cob. Zowie!!
It’s gonna get cold here this weekend…lows around zero and highs in the mid-teens. Brrrrrrrr. My weekend will be spent with goose bumps and significant shrinkage. Time to burrow Mr. Wee-wee!! When is William Shatner going to get that lifetime achievement Oscar that he so richly deserves?
One of the things I forgot to disclose about my past yesterday was my support of the Irish Republican Army. Don’t worry; that was some years ago, and my support was limited to drinking Jameson’s, eating corned beef, pissing on a picture of Margaret Thatcher, and then taking a crap and wiping my ass with a homemade Oliver Cromwell hand puppet. Erin Go Braugh!!
Wow…I just sneezed a big one. It cleared my head, but I think I pulled my groin. Aggggggggh, that’s not good. Damn…no sex for me this weekend, sorry hand.
Why is it that networks will air commercials for Viagra, but not for condoms? Before you know it, there is going to be an epidemic of the sixty plus crowd contracting syphilis and the clap.
Yuck. I’m sure a sixty year old pecker is disturbing looking enough, but add a gooey green discharge and some seeping chancres to the shaft of a sextagenarian, and we’re talking Dork of the Living Dead!!
Well folks I hope you have a good weekend. Spend it eating fried bologna and pissing all over a picture of Margaret Thatcher.
Oh one more thing…As requested, below is a picture of me in the Bagwine colored panties. Enjoy!!
Being the nice guy that I am, I put them on backwards so my junk wasn't hangin' out.
Cheers!!
71 comments:
From the looks of that picture, you must be trying to get the eunuch vote.
Al: I knew it wouldn't take long for for people to go down that road you trendsetter you. Cheers!!
Yup, it must REEEEEEEALLY be cold there. Your poor, deprived wanker. Oh, and pasty white thighs...I see you're just as qualified as Bill was to be Prez.
Fried bologna sandwich? Where have I heard that recently?....Oh yeah, from me, you dick wad!
Mwahahahaha...my not so subtle comments are planted in your brain and are now taking root...mwahahaha...
Songbird: As qualified as Bill? Thanks!! Taking root alright. Like a weed. Cheers!!
I never realized how much I supported the IRA before tonight. Jameson Irish Whiskey is some good stuff man.
I don't like to comment on pictures of men in their underwear. So, I'm not going to. I mean, I could say they are "cute" or something like that, but I won't.
Jay: Good indeed. When I first saw this picture actually on the post, I thought of the new Budweiser commercials: Duuuude. Cheers!!
WTF are you smoking! & could you put me in contact with your dealer please!
Just say you didnt ex-hale lol! Have a great weekend Matt!!
Roger: I dont know what they call it but it makes me yen to have a shiny, silky, poly blend material around my boys. Cheers!!
straining is very bad for you mr matt-man
sounds like you're in need of an enema :-)
Nursemyra: A nice vodka enema sounds pretty good but I dont think I could find a volunteer to administer it. Cheers!!
Fried bologna sandwiches, peanut butter toast and a man who can appreciate shiny, silky, poly blend material around his boys? Your qualifications for President just keep getting better and better.
Dana: I have tried to expand my horizons whenever I could, and this is the end result. Is that sad or not? Cheers!!
Hey Matt, I'm helping out a friend here - seems you turned your back on him ... or turned something on him anyway!
Dude... whatever you embedded on your page since yesterday now blocks it from me at work... reason "inapropriate content" WTF did you do Matt-man ???
Doc
Dana: Poor Doc...Maybe to some, me in burgandy panties is just not as appropriate as I thought. Censors have no taste. Cheers!!
I love fried bologna with spicy mustard...I also love peanut butter on my toast or especially on an everything bagel...
I will now need to go pour bleach in my eyes...
really get some sun dude...those thighs have not seen the sun in at least 20 years
Bond: Yeah I'm going to have tan thighs at this time. Irish Descent, Living in Ohio, Dead Ass middle of winter. Hellooooooo?
My thighs aren't pasty white, and it's the middle of winter here, too. (Yes, I know, to you 30 degrees is not cold, but to us desert rats it's damn cold!)
Songbird: That convinced me to strip naked and work on my tan while I do a little Ice Fishing. Cheers!!
Not now, dear; I have a headache.
Thanks for making my day! :)
Songbird: Okay for you. Cheers!!
Leighann: I would be glad to make you everyday. Er...you know what I mean. Cheers!!
Nice thighs. And be careful with those pin buttons! OUCH!
Am I the only one who wishes they could have seen the look on Schmoops face?!
And dude, next time do the turquoise. Eggplant is so hard for pasty thighs to pull off.
And totally true moment here. My FIRST ex husband stole my mother matching bra and panty set. I came home and found him in them. They were that exact color. Back to therapy for me :P
Real: My thighs thank you. I was smart enough to tape the button on rather than pin it. Cheers!!
Starr: Sorry for the flashbacks. Schmoop was not upset, although even though I only wore them for five minutes, she tossed them quickly into the dirty clothes basket. What is she trying to tell me? Cheers!!
I was trying to tell you, that I don't want your boys in my drawers!! Ha!
Schmoop: Your drawers never had it so good. You dirty penis party pooper. Boo Yah!!
Your taste in fine cuisine is why I'm going to vote for you! The panties though...hrmm...from the lesbian herself, the MASSIVE bulge frightens me. Keep the pin up! :)
Have a great weekend!!!!!!!!!!
Deb: I do have high brow culinary tastes don't I? And MASSIVE? God, I love you. Have a great one yourself buddy. Cheers!!
Thank you for the reversal of fortune. aka backwars panties. I did not need to see the white house, or the senate and congress today.
Jeff: Ha, You're welcome, but I am upset that you didn't want to see my "Excecutive Branch." Cheers!!
Leighann: Normally it would, but the all of the spanking turns the bright white glow of my ass into a soft, blush colored night light of love. Cheers!!
I'd like to officially enter my next request....
:)
Leighann: Let me guess...You want me to put my pants back on. Cheers!!
"highs in the mid-teens."
You were expecting them to be sober?
Purple is not one of your colors. Let's see you in the turquoise.
Jamie: Ba dump bump. Fine. The next time it will be the turquoise nightie. I realized that running for Prez meant whoring myself out, but the demands you all are putting on me are incredible. Cheers Jamie!!
Oh Matt, you wee innocent baba, we have not yet begun to make demands! Word on the streets is Rachel Ray is all hot to be your intern.
Ask not what your cigar can do for you, Matt. Ask what YOU can do for your intern ;)
Ummm, from north of the border I would just like to say FREEZE BIOTCH. :P LOL
Love the undies - thought you'd look smashing in them.
And Matt - if you're gonna talk about sixty year old peckers with gooey discharge, please put a warning at the top so that I know not to eat lunch while reading....
Ah well - here's a pint, and a pic of M.T. Do what you will.
Starr: I get so aroused when you guys make demand upon me. A cigar is just a cigar but a good woman is a smoke...Or something like that. Cheers!!
Angell: Thanks for the cold weather, Canada's biggest export. Sorry about not alerting you dear, but if I have to live through it while I type it, you should have to live through it while reading it. Cheers Angell!!
Strategic button placement always helpful....better than Leighann & Rockdog with their "Me" pics....at least you serve.
Keep your fried bologna, yuck!!!
Hey, check out my blog, I finally got my Royal Order of Bagwine graphic posted, and I used your campaign photo....I am such a suck-up! Someone has to be.
Bet it is colder here.
Penelope: Pansies...darn right I deliver, just like the Postman. And just like the Postman, I Always Come Twice...wait, that was rings twice wasn't it?
I was just over on your site. I saw the pic and it looks good; thanks for putting it up. Cheers!!
I love that pic. And the new one on the profile. And the fact that I made exactly 5 mistakes in the last two sentences that needed correction demonstrates my current state of mind.
Okay tomorrow put the panties on right and show us your junk. Bwahahahahah. Yes, we are all sick, that's why we are here. Have a great weekend Matt-Man. :)
Nat: Thanks and good to see you. Don't worry about your state of mind. Even when you're distracted you are more lucid than most people I know. Cheers!!
Sandee: I refuse to wear them correctly. Though you guys may be sick I don't won't you guys to committ suicide. Have a great weekend and Cheers!!
I love your dick.
Actually.... no. I want you to serenade me by the soft glow of your night light!
Whew...I'm glad you got the puntuation right. I thought you put "Vote for Matt, Man-bitch!!"
108: You are soooo very sweet. Cheers!!
Leighann: Woo Hoo. Name that tune and I will be all over it...and you. Cheers!!
VE: HA...I like that better. From a comedic stand point, that's all. No, really, just from a comedic stand point. Cheers!!
Gosh. I can't believe the bond we now have.. i grew up on fried bologna sammies. YUM YUM YUM, mayo or miracle whip? Lettuce, tomato or plain? And do you ever wonder why it is spelled that way and not Balonie?
I didn't scroll down to look at you in your undies because I don't want to lose my appetite for a bologna sammie tonight. j/k ;-)
Jahooni: Ya gotta pronounce it baloney. Anything else is unaccepatble. I like both but prefer mayo. Tomato and Cheese to top it off. The pic was kinda disturbing, but I give the masses what they want. I guess they just weren't careful for what they asked. Cheers!!
Oh yikes !! I am not sure if that "rear view" was better when it was blocked or not???
LOL!
Oh yeah fried bologna rules! as long as you use Dukes Mayonaise.
Doc: I can't believe my sexiness was blocked. I ma hurt. Dukes, eh? I haven't had that. I'll see if I can find it. Cheers!!
I love fried bologna!
ya'know...I imagined you hairier...hmmm...
Kat: A west coaster who likes fried baloney, I love you even more. Hairier? Other than my chest, I am pretty much a "smoooooth operator". Cheers Kat!!
I have to pick the song? Damn, the pressure!
UNDER PRESSURE!
and.... (demanding aren't I) I'm requesting a NEW Picture WITH your junk hanging out!
Oh yes I did!
Here's a musical suggestion...
Give us a rear view to the tune of Shake Ya Tail Feathers by Nelly, P Diddy and Murphy Lee.
Now THAT would put the Tube in YouTube.
Leighann: "Under Pressure", it is, followed by "Please Release Me." Ha. Boo Yah.
My junk hanging out? Well, I may be able to handle that. Cheers!!
Starr: I have never been surrounded by so many sexually provoctive people in my life. I would be offended, if I wasn't so fucking turned on. Cheers Starr!!
Aww shucks, Matt. Just doin' my part!
Starr: I know...Now if only I could do a couple of your parts. Cheers!!
Thank you for posting the warning. I had my eyes mostly closed when I scrolled down, so that helped me keep my dinner inside my tummy.
You are a certified nut job, but I will only pledge my vote if you resist the demands of the masses to "show your junk".
Cheers and Hail to the Matt-Man!
Travis: Glad you kept it down Travis. As far as showing my junk, we will have to see which is stronger...Your plea to me, or my need to pander. Cheers!!
shameless hussy! you will do anything to win a vote won't you? now as for full the monty or even a peek - don't do it. keep teasing us and we'll keep coming back for more.
Lisa: I am shameless. No, full frontal? Bit I was so hoping to underwhelm everyone. Cheers!!
Baby baby baby!! Pancakes, oatmeal AND corn?? Please be kinder to your colon sweetheart! As for shrinkage?? Fry up some of that lovely bologna and wrap it around the wanker darlin! Oscar Meyer can be a campaign contributor! What time is lunch?
Cheesy: Great idea, kinda like baloney wrapped baloney. Cheers!!
And there goes any hope for me having sex tonight. Thanks alot Matt Man
Sparky: Why? Did you blow your wad while looking at my picture? Cheers!!
So I scrolled slowly...ever so slowly squinting all the while.
You're crazy Mattman....utterly NUTS!
But the comments here gave me my abs a good work out!
Julie: I'm happy that you had a good workout. Utterly NUTS...no pun intended right? Cheers!!
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