Streaming Friday!!

It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiiday so wrap me in a parka and stuff warm biscuits down my pants, because it is colder than Dick Cheney’s soul here today.

It is 1 degree outside. One. We don’t even have degrees. We have degree, singular.

No warmth to share with ya here folks, because we only have One Measly Degree and we are clinging on to it like grim death. Brrrrrr.

Schmoop has been begging me all week to make her happy in a way that only I can. She wants me to put a big smile on her face. That type of smile that happens perhaps only once a year.

Well this stud is acquiescing this morning, and giving her figures a good working over.

That’s right, the Matt-Man is e-filing her taxes this morning, and getting her that return she so richly deserves. Bow Chicka Wow Wowwwww.

And yeah, I’ll be doing it naked. After all, it is also Cleaning Day Friday, and you know how I like to vacuum in the buff.

Talk about a good sleepi----Ewwww. What the hell is that?……Man, that’s disgusting. Did I really do that? I think mayb---Oh well.

Anyway, talk about a good sleeping aid. Move over, Ambien and all of you other sleep drugs. I watched the first 15-20 minutes of the Republican Presidential debate last night. I think it ranked second only to Ny-Quil in its ability to knock my ass into somnolent submission.

I fell asleep to the sounds of blah blah blah. I woke up at about 1 A.M. My head was contorted, my mouth agape, and drool cascading down my chin. I wasn’t sure if I was unconsciously impersonating John McCain or Rudy Giuliani.

FOX’s John Gibson is an asshole, not to mention incredibly dim-witted.

My Presidential campaign received its first endorsement late yesterday. I formally received the support of the Congenial and Loyal Alliance of Prostitutes with Prosthetics. Better known as CLAPP. Thanks ladies…and guy.

Man, I have a craving for a Crunchy Gordita. La la la la la la la Bamba. I wonder if the Aztecs ate Burrito Supremes. Yo Quiero, Montezuma?

I mean, sacrificing a virgin can work up a hunger up in a guy. I bet they would kill a chick, say hey to the Gods, and then pile into a cart and head over to Tenochtitlan Bell.

I need another cup of joe. Mmmmmmm zehr gut. Fellow Ohioan, Dennis Kucinich-D, has dropped out of the Presidential Primary.

Instead of running around the country and shaking hands with strangers, Kucinich can resume banger and mashing his hot British babe of a wife. I declare K-Man, the real winner.

Well folks the stream is drying up. Enjoy your weekend. Spend it banger and mashing a prostitute who wears prosthetic legs. Don’t just spread em’, take em’ clear off.

Stop by tomorrow to find out who is the winner of the coveted Bagwine Ruminations Comment of the Week.

Cheers!!