I don’t normally air my truly personal problems on this site, but there is a cancer that exists in the interpersonal relationship between my dear friend Schmoop, and me.
I, with the full knowledge and permission of Schmoop, am going to lay it all out for you. Hopefully, the problem confronting us can be helped by your support and friendship…
Schmoop and I have been friends for quite a while. We laugh together…talk with each other…hang out together, and have become the closest of pals.
We also, have spent the last couple of years taking dancing lessons together.
The dance that we have come to learn so well is the dance of denial and two-stepping around a very important problem that needs to be confronted by the two of us.
Schmoop is an addict. I have become her enabler. We need help…Her addiction has gotten worse, and I have only helped to feed it.
Everyday she sinks deeper, and I come closer to losing the sweet, smart, funny woman I have come to appreciate so much…a woman that has so much to look forward to in life…a lovely person whose face can light up a room.
After months of using anywhere from 6-8 times a day, and me doing nothing about it, she has been cut off from her habit, and she has gone from looking like that woman in the picture of above, to looking like this…
Schmoop is no longer able to find anyone around here who can give her what her mind and body have come to crave.
It’s been heartbreaking watching her spin into addiction and it’s equally tough watching her go through the pains of withdraw.
I hope you can forgive me, but I am reaching out to you guys in a way that I shouldn’t. I have left a message for her supplier to see if I can get some stuff for Schmoop.
In the meantime, do any of you guys have access to the stuff pictured below that you can mail to me…
Schmoop needs it bad, and no other gum will do. They just don’t sell it ‘round here no mo.
Thanks for your support through this personal crisis. I appreciate all of your kind words that are sure to follow.
Cheers!!
97 comments:
Anndi: What? That gum is the end all and be all of her existence. Cheers!!
I am with Anndi. I tought it was something serious. Blah!
Karen: If you knew how much Schmoop loves that gum, you would realize just how serious this is. Cheers!!
Drop your pants and show her a good time. She'll forget all about the gum....if you're good enough.
PP: I tried that...She spit it out. Cheers!!
Come here, closer, no put your face to the monitor right now Mister....SMACK!!!!
You had me going, and I just need that so not.
I would get you some gum, but come to think of it I haven't seen it lately.
Write the company maybe they will send a sympathy case.
You need a whipping!
My gum dealer just got arrested...sorry I can't be of help.
Hope she can get rehabilitated soon.
So sorry.
(But that face is priceless!)
Mama: I am working on an email to Hershey's with a link to this post. Maybe they'll come through with the goods.
And now, let's schedule the when and where of this whipping. Cheers!!
Deb: You're trying to tell me that you live in New York and you only have one gum dealer!!?
Ha...She's good; the shot only took two takes. Cheers my friend!!
Maybe if you got her committed to the same hospital that Britney is in. They could become BFFs and then they could support each other and get better together.
I'll keep an eye out around the local gas stations for some dealers. Man, that Liquid Ice is serious stuff! I stick to Big Red. Some call it a Gateway Gum, but it's always done the trick for me, and I can go weeks between packs if I have some Listerine Pocket Strips to get me through the withdrawal. Good luck to Schmoop!
My addiction: Gator Gum
It's gum with caffeine in it.
Like chewing crack.
Will keep an eye out for Ice Breakers, but I think it's vanished from up here, too.
Jay: Good idea. Maybe in the hospital they could video a little chick on chick action...Just for me. I mean, I wouldn't sell it or anything. No, Really. Cheers!!
Laura: I hear tha Big Red is a nice buzz. Not too strong, but a cinnamony spiced kinda groove getter on-er. Thanks for checking out the gas stations for me. Cheers!!
Mo: Just like "The Man" to get our people hooked and then pull the damn mat out from underneath their addicted feet...or in this case, mouths. Cheers!!
You are one sick sonofabitch. You should be whupped, but then again, you'd probably like that.
As for Schmoop, I might look around FOR HER SAKE (not for yours, you jackass).
Songbird: Sick SOB? I was just "keepin' it real", and opening up my soul. But thanks for looking. Cheers Dear!!
Just ran down to the shop and alas they are out of everything minty and pushing their new fix of Ice breakers Sours...
I even offered sexual favors to no avail...
I tried!
You're an ass.
Schmoop is the enabler!
BAD SCHMOOP!!!
Bittersweet: Man, laying your body on the line for Schmoop's gum. That is fricking selfless. Thank You. Thanks for stopping and I promise to not be stranger. Cheers!!
Metal: Ha...You may be right. Cheers!!
... and to think, *I* was the first one to be gullible!
Hopefully you've found a new supplier for Schmoop's habit ...
Oh Lordy.... hahahah, that was takin it to the edge there Mr. Prez hopeful... very well written but, wow, even I fell into that one... yep, here in MI and there in OH, the potholes are deadly, and now I know why.... hahahahaha, funny and outrageous!!!!
Here wolfie, wolfie...
Dana: You weren't being gullible, you were being sweet. Cheers!!
Lyn: Ha, thnk ya very much...Funny but true. She needs that gum. Yeah, our states do have some huge potholes. Let's put our heads together and figure something out on that. Cheers!!
Songbird: I do not cry wolf. The problem is very real. Cheers!!
I would agree - you have a real problem, and I'm not talking about gum.
If you email me your address I'll send her some gum.
I thought bagwine was a slang term for those of us that consume the 4 liter box of wine...Sorry, that brand does not exist here, but I have excellent luck buying gum from the internet! Google candy wholesalers and let it rip.
raising my hand...."hello..i'm the teamster...and i'm an addict...i'm addicted to Diet Dr. Pepper...I travel to Mexico with it as checked luggage (they don't sell it there)....I drink my first one at 3:47 in the morning to wash down my cliff bar and banana.....
do I need help or intervention?
only for my other addiction....
and dance lessons.......that really sounds fun....have you guys ever taken west coast or east coast swing lessons....i hear it is a lot of fun...
Songbird: Moi? I beg to differ. Cheers!!
108: That's sweet. You wouldn't give it a Brazilian Wax job prior to sending it would you? Cheers!!
Jersey: Box Wine is Bagwine's uppity cousin. Thanks for the tip Jersey, and thanks for stopping by. Cheers!!
Teamster: Aren't you supposed to drink Dr. Pepper at 10, 2, and 4 or something. Man, you got some serious addiction there, brother.
West Coast swing dancing? It doesn't involve doing the Tango with Ahnollld in Kal-Lee-For-Nee-Ah does it? Cheers!!
Jeez Matt so cold. Starting a "Faces of Ice Breakers" webpage exploiting your woman's addiction. For Shame, Matt!
*shakes head* Damn you, damn you, damn you... I thought when I first started reading this it was going to be serious... DAMN YOU!!! ;-)
I'll see what I can do about finding some of that gum.
Lesson very well learned... NEVER ASSUME MATTY IS BEING SERIOUS!!!
DAMN YOU!! I'm going to bed... I don't feel so well...
Ice Breakers are hard to find?...yeah, right, another global warming myth....
Starr: Dont hate me. I was just helping Schmoop to help herself. I am selfless that way. Cheers!!
Dixie: Oh sorry Dixie...I mean that you don't feel well, I don't feel badly about the post. It is a shcoking situation. Cheers and get well!!
VE: Dang Straight. Fucking Gore owes me some damn gum. Cheers!!
Everyone knows you can make that crap in your basement. You'll need tin foil for the windows of course. Why get locked in with a dealer, turn your basement into a Liquid Ice house baby!
>suckers<
Badway.
Nick: I tried that once. When I went to add the little, blue flavor crystals, I blew the whole damn place up. It wasn't pretty, and I didn't get sex for weeks.
Cheers Mr. Man!!
there is something to be said for not getting online early in the morning...
since your little episode a couple months ago when you fooled everyone I have not been so gullible.
as for Diet-Dr-Pepper-Boy....he drinks it at 10, 2 and 4 past the hour....EVERY hour. And he does check a couple cases in a specially packed box when flying to Mexico.
AND....he thinks he's gonna get me to take his tippy-toe dance lessons with him.
and I will...in exchange for something he is unwilling to agree to....
yet....
Kat: Ha...I'm just trying to let it all out. Wow, the Teamster is detailed. I bet that trait comes in handy for ya doesn't it? Cheers Buddy!!
Kat: Oooooo baby. Enquiring minds, okay perverted ones like mine, want to know what that agreement involves. Cheers!!
tsk tsk tsk....how long have you people been coming to visit this sick b**stard??? and most of you would probably vote for him too...
I immediately thought "ok, she has a coke (the drink) or pepsi addiction"...then i thought "hummm maybe it is some starbucks grande latte moocha frapolicious swirl cappa dadda" drink or something like that...
You can not tell me you all fell for it????
Oh and Matt...let me tell you about the boy that cried wolf and what happened the one time he had a horrible problem and no one listened...
I am not a gum chewer...but I will look here in Memphis
here you go…the perfect Valentine’s Day present
Bond: Ya know...You call me a sick bastard, a vote panderer, and the boy who called wolf...And yet, you will look for the gum that Schmoop needs...
C'mon, just let it out, and tell me that you want have sex with me. The emotional release will make you feel so much better. Cheers Vin!!
Kat: Awwwww. Thank You for that link. If I can't brow beat Hershey's into giving it to us free, I'll order it via that site.
Cheers, and Thanks!!
You rat bastard!
I leave the house for a few hours and this is what you do??
Shame on you. Pull your pants down right now.
Geez, Matt-man, I fell for it til that second pic of Schmoop and then I knew you were pulling my leg! I was all ready to sympathize and feel for you and your friend, etc. You took advantage! I'm outraged!
yes...The Teamster is VERY detail oriented....and yes it is a trait I thoroughly enjoy and appreciate....sigh....
I'll let him tell you what the tradeoff would be....if he dares...
laughing...laughing...laughing...
Leighann: Sorry I missed ya. If I must pull down my pants, I certainly will. Be rough on me baby, be rough. Cheers!!
i'm addicted to altoids. i LOVE to use them while giving blowjobs. but i think it's a healthy addiction. and unlike crackrock, i havent lost my teeth (although, gum jobs are pretty fucking sexytime).
Tequila: You make addiction sound soooo very sexy. If you do ever lose your teeth please give me a call.
Oh hell, who am I kidding, even if you don't, gimme a call. Cheers!!
This shouldn't be a problem for you, the next president of the USA. Just command the company to make a lifetime supply for Schmoop.
Incidentally, could you expand your candidacy to president of the world?
Lizza: Son of a bitch!! I have missed you so much.
I hope all is well, and if I should have to lead the world it is a task I accept whole-heartedly. Thanks for stopping Lizza. Cheers!!
I was onto you from the start LOLOL
AND SQUEEEEEEEEE IT'S LIZZA!!!!!
TB: I would have rather you said, "I was ON YOU from the start." Lizza is a good soul isn't she? Cheers!!
Schmoop is crying. But it ain’t no use
She got a habit, but she can’t break lose
Stopping each and every Man she meet
Gonna be an addict on Matt-Man’s street.
(Please forgive me, Phil Ochs)
Nick: Ha...Dude you rock. You need to start your own damn Church. I would be there. Cheers Nick!!
Thanks all you guys (hello 108) for your help. You just don't understand the crack in this shit!.
Thanks to you Matt Man for getting the word out. Just everyone know, I had NOTHING to do with the first post!
People have been telling that for 21 years, Matt Man.
You're still holding out! The truth of the matter is you FUMBLED your pigskin last night to the ENDZONE! I told you to try the front first or you would get stuck in the neutral zone.....hehehehehehehe
Schmoop: Nothing to do with it...So you say.
Nick: And you should. Rock the House of God my good man. Cheers!!
Al: How do you know that I didn't score. Are you looking in my windows again you perv!? Cheers!!
yes....teamster is very detailed....I can't help it....
matt-man....what man doesn't have a perverted mind??????
as for the trade-off.....dance lessons for an earring....i offered a clip on....but that wouldn't be sufficient...it had to be a pierced ear....
come on....I have 25 years in the Teamster union....I ride a Harley.....an earing?????
I think men with a pierced ear or two are INCREDIBLY sexy. *sigh* Just be thankful I didn't ask for a prince albert.
if you REALLY wanted me on the dance floor....
MATT-MAN: I will not say it out loud...nope can't make me...
I have been seriously considering the earring...
Teamster: Oh c'mon...I have had my ear pierced since I was 17.
That was 26 years ago. Go for it my good man. And I WORKED for a Union. Are you saying that the "mystique" of the Teamsters is manlier than you? Tsk Tsk...
http://www.walgreens.com/store/product.jsp?id=prod1725504&CATID=100543&skuid=sku1725491&V=G&ec=frgl_wic&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=sku1725491
http://www.candydirect.com/gums/Ice-Breakers-Gum-Coolmint.html
http://www.nextag.com/Ice-Breakers-Chewing-Gum-579734673/prices-html
But I will also keep my eyeballs peeled
Kat: Tell him how sexy I look in my videos with a pireced ear...Okay bad example but you get the point. Cheers and good luck with the lobe drilling!!
Bond: Dude...You should so do it. It doesn't hurt a bit. C'mon Vin, pierce that lobe, brutha. Cheers!!
Cheesy: Hershey's tells us that they have it here and there but it seems like it is always discontinued. Lousy bastards. Thanks for the tips though Lovely One.
Can I chew on your hair? Cheers!!
I already told The Teamster how sexy you look with your earring....
I am sick with the damn flew and I really was feeling bad for her.. and this?! Crap. Let me go back to bed!
It's more of a Red Hot flavor... not cool mint.....
Kat: Why thank ya. Did he immediately go out and schedule you for an eye appointment? Cheers Dear!!
Jahooni: Sorry Jahooni. I hope the family visit went well. Get well, get well soon, we want you to get well. Cheers!!
"Jahooni"...hehehehehe, that is fun to say.
Cheesy: Red Hot? It must be Matt-Man flavored. Cheers!!
Clearly she has not learned the magic that is Stride... oh my... slip some to her. She'll never look back.
Allie: The only thing I am slipping her are some Aquadots in her spaghetti sauce.
And then she will be defenseless against my desires. Cheers!!
Julie: Asshole or not, I am happy that you are walking off thinking about me in some fashion. Cheers!!
ok...this is getting way out of hand....
so i put an ice cube against the back of my lobe and use my chordless drill with a small bit.....bite into the bullet....hey matt...you're right...it didn't hurt one bit..
Katherine...I'll see you friday for west coast swing dance lessons?
and yes...i have noticed your jewelry in your pics/videos and she has mentioned how sexy you look with your earring on....
bond...any good earring songs???
help me through this....oh...and some Stevie Ray Vaughn for dance class....
Teamster: See how painless that was? Who knew that getting a hole poked could feel so good.
But one thing Mr. Man, dont even think about touching my earrings, I am the only who touches my dangler...Which is sad.
Cheers!!
I'm a bit homophobe and would never touch any man's danglers....
Well, I have to make a decision...cut my hair or get the earring...not sure work would put up with both!
Well, maybe they would...though I am not sure I would wear danglers... a nice stud..maybe a small diamond...
shit....I never thought of that....I could just cut my hair....that might fend off the earring....I'll probably do both......
shit....I never thought of that....I could just cut my hair....that might fend off the earring....I'll probably do both......
someday I'll learn to not hit both the "enter" key....and the "publish your comment button"
No way were you going to sabotage the campaign just before Super Tuesday
Bond: Cool. It's time to do it dammit. Poke that Hole. Cheers!!
Teamster: Cut your hair, get the earring, stay away from danglers, and watch out for premature publishing...You have a alot on your plate. Cheers!!
Sparky: That would have been quite the blow to my political future. Cheers!!
Jeff: Wha-? I mea-, What did I do? But thanks for referring to me as the "whole package". cheers!!
Wow I miss this lol :D
Roger: Stay on your toes Roger. Cheers!!
And she let you live another day????????? Wow!
Peace
Odat: Yeah right, "poor little Schmoop" was not in on any of this. Huh-uh. Cheers!!
Say my name Say my name.... jahoooonnniiiii! ;-)
Jahoooooooooooooooni. Cheers!!
you pierce your ear babe and I'll swing on any coast you want....smile.
(by the way...his head is shaved already....)
Kat: Shaved head? Good Man. Cheers Kat!
Alright, alright...here is your
100th post! Happy now!
laughing....
(and I was so enjoying MattMan, The Teamster and the Nancy Boy discussion of which earrings to wear....)
Schmoop: Thank you for putting me over the top. I like it when you are the one to top me. Cheers!!
Kat: I take me earrings seriously. I hope that I can help to impart some taste on such garb onto the two lobe newbies. Cheers!!
This is truly tragic.
And I hate you for tricking me!
Mimi: But it was fun wasn't it? Cheers Mimi!!
Post a Comment