Not a happy Saturday here in Bagwine, Ohio…
Yesterday I developed an abscess just above my left incisor. I have a very high pain tolerance but it was killing me. The good news, is that after a mainly sleepless night, the pain in the tooth and gum has subsided.
The bad news? The infection has decided to migrate from my mouth to the left side of my angelic face.
The left side of my face is swollen up more than Lindsay Lohan’s liver. Hell, if the right side of my face was equally swollen I would look just like Steve Lawrence…C’mere and give me a kiss Eydie.
The worst thing is that my son has a basketball tournament game later this morning, and I must attend. Even though the pain I feel is exceeded only by my current hideousness, I must be there for the Littleman.
So, three hours or so from now, I will enter the gym to watch his game and be greeted by the ear splitting shrieks of, “Dear God!! What is that THING!!!?
I, driven by a combination of embarrassment and vanity will cry out, “I AM NOT AN ANIMALLLLL. I AM A HUMAN BEING!!”
I better take a towel with me because my face is so tightly swollen I cannot talk right now without slobbering all over myself.
Oh the Humanity.
Although I am writhing in discomfort, I will be there for Ryno, and I will now award that prestigious honor that we have come to know and love. Ladies and Gentlemen…
The Bagwine Ruminations Comment of the Week…
Our comment this week comes courtesy of Jeff from A Word In Edgewise who responded to my Birthday post this past Thursday.
I received so many well wishes from you all, but none quite as touching and thoughtful as this comment from Jeff:
“Happy Birthday ya old fart. I got you a present, but I don't know how to mail herpes.”
Jeff, you are such the giver. If you can, stop by Jeff’s site and wish him congrats on roping this week’s COW. You can go there by clicking HERE.
Enjoy your Saturday folks. I am going to spend mine frightening basketball fans and then coming home and soaking my pain in Wild Irish Rose.
I hope to see you back here tomorrow for our Sunday Morning Church Disservice. Until then…
Cheers!!
46 comments:
It's called KARMA baby. This is what you get for that whole addiction/gum shpiel you shoved up our asses the other day!
Jeff may not know how to mail herpes but Karma sure knows how to whip your ass!
MUWAHAHAHAHA!
Ummm ... Matt-Man? Have you considered a dentist? You know they do wonderful things for abscessed teeth. At least your face would be back to normal ... well, as normal as it ever is anyway ...
The real question is did Jeff find a way to send the herpes?
Leighann: I would scoff at your remarks, but being a firm believer in Karma myself, you may be right.
And yes, it is whipping my ass. Cheers!!
Dana: I have been to Dentists and do everything I must do on a a daily basis, however, bad teeth, or bad gums more accurately, run in my family.
Bring on the dentures and keep the herpes away. Cheers!!
I hear a nice slab of Meat applied to the infected area would help....
Good luck to Ryno...sometimes we must endure hardships in the support of our children..in this case everyone around you will have to endure the hardship of looking at you
Bond: I have already considered that. If I can't eat it, I'll wear it. Cheers, and pass me some Darvon!!
Bond: True, and I am in too much effin' pain to reply with a clever retort to that. Cheers!!
I was just thinking, this might alter my support of your presidency. You can tell a lot about a man's character by the quality of his gums.
Dana: Stray thee not...My gum problem is genetic, and out of my hands.
That is why I will make Federal funds available for Stem Cell research in order to find a cure for among other afflictions...weepy gums.
Cheers!!
LOL Maybe Jeff did mail that herpes!!! ut oh.
Seriously, you've got to do something quickly about that!!
If that's spreading....i wouldn't wait!!! You need antibiotics quickly!
Peace
Odat: I don't need antibiotics...I have Bagwine. Cheers Odat!!
Dude, a Matt-man is a terrible thing to waste.
Get that abscess taken care of - you do NOT want the bone to get infected!
Go Ryno!
Mo: I'll get things fixed soonly. Have a great weekend Mo. Cheers!!
Dude, I'm sure if you ask Rush Limbaugh has something that will make all that pain go away pronto! He's a very giving type guy too, so he won't mind sharing at all.
Ah, what a glorious day. I get the C.O.W. and you get the Elephant Man. It's a regular barnyard in Bagwine today.
Keep your eyes open for the petri (sp?)dish that should be arriving soon. Just don't get it on your abscess, or it will keep coming back every so often.
Now it's time to go play with my new meat!
Matty I hope you have enough sense in your meat deprived brain to get to a doc and get some antibiotics.
And GO RYNO!!!
Jay: Don't want his oxycotin and I don't need his Viagra. Pluss, taking anything from him would tighten my colon. Cheers!!
Jeff: Congrats and njoy your meaty day my good man. Thanks for sending me the gift that keeps on giving. Cheers!!
TB: If it continues to get worse, I'll go. It's not like I don't live across the street from a hospital.
I hope that isn't foreshadowing. Cheers!!
The left side of your face is swollem more than Lindsay Lohan's liver? Bwahahahahaha. That's huge dude. Get better and do what Mo said.
I missed Jeff's remark, but it's a great one. He is just so quick with the smart remarks. Have a great day. :)
Sandee: Dont make me laugh...It hurts. I will follow Mo's advice and yes, Jeff is pretty quick witted at times. Cheers!!
Hot steaming towels on the face and drinking straight lemon juice will help with the swelling.. at least till a doctor can see you.
Take care man.
Hammer: I have some help on the way shortly. Had to miss the game. The swelling is getting close to my left eye. Thanks and Cheers!!
Herpes always makes me laugh.
I'm so sorry about your face. Tell people at the game that you got beat up while defending the teams honor to folks from the opposing team.
I have only had two tooth aches in my life but I still have (a little) sympathy for you! Get your ass to a dentist and start antibiotics. Now, I think you should come up with a great story for tonight... something like you got attacked my a zebra while on your way home yesterday and it bite you on your tongue.
108: It is a fun word to say. Had to miss the game the swelling got a bit worse. Cheers!!
Sherry: Only Two Tooth aches? I hate you!! Can't get into a dentist, but the Wild Irish Rose will soon be flowing.
Thanks alot for stopping by, and thanks for the Zebra Story tip. Cheers!!
Nurse Kyra has been making plenty of rounds these days... need me to make a house call?
108: That would be great. Bring a couple of big lozenges over to suck on. Cheers!!
Well, hell. Nothing worse to be in pain AND ugly all at the same time. Heh, not that I'd know, I am always adorable!!
If it makes you feel any better, your entry for my What Was Willy Thinking contest made it to the top three AND it is ahead in the polls right now. :)
http://www.offendedblogger.com/2008/02/weekender-offender-willy-edition.html
Offended: I was there earlier and just a little while ago. Thanks for putting me in the finals.
I tried to vote more than once, but you offended me by not allowing it!!
Enjoy your constant cuteness, and thanks for stopping by. Cheers!!
You know what caused the abscess, right? Lack of SPAM and hot dogs.
How else is an American supposed to get their daily intake of second-hand antibiotics other than eating the re-constituted medicine-filled carcass rendered meat-by-products we all know and love.
See what lent has done to you???
God invented SPAM to save you, Matty, repent the lent and dive into a juicy ampicillin-infused SPAMburger today!
Mo: I cannot. I saw a vision of Ezekiel's Wheel and it was spinning off green beans and tuna. You my good friend, are a blasphemer. Cheers!!
You don't have moldy bread anywhere in that kitchen of yours? Homemade penicillan, baby!!!
I'll just bet you have that whole sexy Quasimodo thing going now, dontcha?
Oh Matt-man, don't you have an emergency dentist where you are? You have to have that swelling taken care of. What if the swelling goes to you head...? Then we have to call you, wait for it...FATHEAD!
Matt, come visit my blog "Work of the Poet" and participate in my "6-word Memoirs" contest. You can sum up your life in just 6 words. :)
Metalmom: Good Tips. I will have some buttery, green toast tonight. Cheers Bay-Bay!
Teach: I have plenty of Dentists but very few funds, but thanks for the tip. I'll be by soonly. Cheers!!
*OUCH* - Please visit a dentist, Matt. A friend of mine waited too long and the abscess had to be cut off from the outside. =(
Good luck to Ryno and congrats to Jeff!
Sanni: Ouch Indeed...Don't worry everyting will eventually be Wunderbah!! Cheers Yours Hotness!!
Vain, thy name is Matt-Man!
Between the way to look and the pain you feel, I rather believe that looks are secondary. Get that taken care of before the infection spreads to you brain!
Got that?
PAIN…VAIN…BRAIN.
OK?
Nick: What? Wow, must be too late!
Dentist!!! Been there...done that....now I have a tooth implant because I ignored it. What could have been a quick 2 hour appointment turned into a year long ordeal!! Get thee to a dentist!
[[[matt]]] Just cuz you need one!
Matt, dude, you need to see a doctor. Infected teeth/gums are a huge risk factor for heart disease. We like you Matt, preferably breathing. So hit the free clinic and get some meds for your karmic herpes :P
I hope you are back to normal soon. That's one area where you DON'T want swelling.
Raven: I know. I know. Are you channeling my late Mother? Cheers!!
Cheesy: Thanks Babe. That felt good. Cheers!!
Starr: I want to get rid of this w/o antibiotics if possible. If it doesn't improve, I'll do something more. Cheers!!
Kila: Ha. Don't make me laugh. It hurts to laugh. Cheers!!
There is noting worst than a toothache, I sympathize with your pain! And good job to Jeff!!
Roger: No shit. Cheers Roger!!
Have you taken care of yourself yet?
In other words, have you been to the dentist?
geez....look what I've missed.
are you better?
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