A glorious first Sunday off in four months for me in Bagwine, Ohio.
I may be spending it in the Bagwine Doghouse.
The following will explain it all… May the Lord have mercy on my soul.
Amen, and Amen.
And now, the Bagwine Ruminations Comment of the Week…
This week’s winner comes from a comment left yesterday. I was talking about my desire to wear a cape in everyday life.
Al from the blog, Be an 11, left the following comment:
“I look like Dom DeLuise when I wear a cape. Sucks trying to fight crime when everyone is laughing!!!”
I was taken by Al’s self-deprecating honesty, and even more impressed by the fact that even in the 21st Century, he was able to make a reference to Dom DeLuise.
This is the second COW for Al, who incidentally, is the designer of the COW Award itself. Here’s to you, my good man.
Please go and congratulate this laughable, cape wearing crime fighter by clicking HERE.
That’s it for today's service. Please pray for me, and ask the Holy Baby Jeebus that he keep me safe from the wrath of Schmoop.
See you all tomorrow.
Cheers!!
NOTE: If you get the chance, please tune into Turnbaby’s BlogTalk Radio Show tonight at 8 EDT. She will be having on two chicks talkin’ about…I don’t know…chick stuff. For details, click HERE.
Today marks the last day of my "Phonin' It In Week" here on the Blogosphere. It has been nice to relax and not put too much into things. Flesh-Fest 2 has been going just dandy...My prostate is as clean as a whistle. Thanks, Schmoop!! I came across the following picture last night. It is of Ryno when he was seven. Although the picture (of a picture) is a bit blurred, it still illustrates the comedic genius he had developed even in his formative years.
What a laugh riot he is...at times.
In case you didn't know, in spite of Lola's big hair, Schmoop has always been the inspiration for the Lola half of the Inky and Lola cartoons.
So, since her and I are in the middle of Flesh-Fest 2 I thought I would throw her into the animated mix...She so blew my cover with Inky.
And Now...Our Comment of the Week.
This week's comment comes courtesy of a hot, young lady named Lady Jaye. Bright, articulate, and incredibly hot, she commented on my post about my cat missing having sex. I wondered aloud if my cat Corky, missed getting nailed in an alley by a big orange Tom hung like a lion. Lady Jaye responded with the following... "I haven't had sex in so long, I feel like I'm fixed. I wonder if a big man named Tom would nail me in an alley..." Even smart chicks need some lovin'. Congrats to the lovely Lady Jaye, and please go congratulate her on ropin' this week's COW. To go to her site clickHERE.
Well kids, that's it for this Dr Pepper Day. Why Dr Pepper Day? Because Schmoop and I are gonna get naked at 10, 2, and 4...And 8 and 11. Does anybody have any B12 they can spare?
I find myself in a state of utter euphoria. I mean to tell ya, if I was a dervish, I’d be whirling.
Our A/C is fixed, I am off today, and once again Bagwine, Ohio has pulled off another entertainment coup.
Our fair city of roughly 62,000 folks, does a pretty good job of pulling in some big name entertainment for a town of this size.
In 1993, the 1,500 seat Clark State Performing Arts Center (Kuss Auditorium) was built.
It has hosted the likes of Bill Cosby, The Smothers Brothers, Tony Bennett, Emmylou Harris, Amy Grant, Kenny Loggins, and many others.
Our annual Summer Arts Festival which ends today, is a month of FREE entertainment. Acts that have included the likes of Eddie Money, Maynard Ferguson, The Platters, Gin Blossoms, Livingston Taylor, and other notable artists.
But my fellow Bagwine Heads…Brace Yourselves. Guess who’s coming to dinner and singing for his supper…
Read the marquee' of our local Spirits Bar and Grill, and be prepared to become a bunch of envious bastards, you…
No, not Buzz Crush, you assholes...
I'm talking...The man, the legend, the height of musical genius...Mr. Tone Loc.
After two hits, a less than stellar acting career, and years of obscurity, The Locster is back, and Bagwine bound.
Damn right bitches, only the best for Bagwine dwellers…Tone, my man, step up to the bar, the Funky Cold Medina is on me, you Wild Thing.
And now, our Comment of the Week…
This week’s comment comes courtesy of a very new and irrepressible reader, who commented on Monday’s post about big boxes, Schmoop’s period, and my tag line, Cheers.
He is proof positive that one need not be on message, or mentally stable for that matter, to win the COW. I give you the maniacal and in need of a sex-change, Doggy Bloggy.
“GROUT is that code for pussy because you could be sucking mine like a mad man.....it sort of feels like you are…it feels like you are sucking the pussy of my mind...isn’t this your humor…the "I came on me" type of stuff?...whoops I gizzed!”
And all along I thought that this guy was a dickhead, and I also thought it was spelled, "jizzed".
Turns out, based upon his comment, he is actually the originator of the Vagina Monologues. Go Figure.
Please…oh yes, dear God, I am begging you to go congratulate him on winning the COW, and...
Let him know how wonderful it is to see mentally challenged adults making inroads into the blogging community. To do so, click HERE.
So boys and girls, this concludes another award winning post. Have a great Saturday.
I am going to go see Ryno for a few this morning and then come back here for some complete and utter debauchery.
It’s a bee-yoo-tee-ful Sunday here in Bagwine, Ohio.
Finally…FINALLY on Friday, the ace of the maintenance team showed up at the digs and fixed the A/C for good.
Praise Baby Jeebus and turn the thermostat down to 72. Let there be air!!
I will be gone yet again today until 7 this evening, but then I will be released from my weekend of bondage, and return to my normal Bagwine schedule.
I has gots some catchin’ up to do with all you lovely people.
This upcoming week, we will be discussing the origins of this great country as we prepare to celebrate our nation’s 232nd birthday on Friday.
Topics MAY include, but not limited to, the following:
George Washington: Founding Father, or America's Original Metrasexual?
Thomas Jefferson: Statesman, Inventor, Mocha Drinker
Ben Franklin: Is there any French chick he didn’t fuck?
And of course…
There will be an uber-Patriotic, Star Spangled edition of Half-Nekkid Thursday.
So there you have it…It’s gonna be a celebration, so praise GAWD, and prepare to enjoy, bitches.
Amen and Amen… This week’s COW winner was a no-brainer. Because of her tireless efforts of babysitting Bagwine Ruminations in my absence, it goes to Schmoop.
Her comments over the last couple of days and those yet to come today, display insight, sarcasm, and, at times, utter drunkenness.
So for now, I am showing my appreciation by throwing the COW her way, and later tonight, will show it by throwing her a bone.
Here’s to ya Schmoop, I thank you much.
And now…Our Sunday Serenade.
In honor of my having to work all damn weekend, I present those madcap musicians from Akron, Ohio…Devo.
Cheers!!
If you are a fan of banality and/or a student of Abnormal Psychology, tune into Turnbaby’s Blog Talk Radio Show tonight at 8 EDT., because her guest will be Vinny Bond. For details, click HERE.
Okay wait…that sounded like the beginning of a Simon and Garfunkle song. Let me begin again.
When I left the safe confines of a marriage and a very nice house nearly eight years ago, I had plenty of material things.
I don’t have those now, but…I do have several new friends, and one very special one.
Friends that I would have never have met had I stayed in that relationship.
Friends so dear, that they are willing to get partially naked for me. And those, my dear readers, are the very best friends to have.
I present to you, the initial installment of: The Bagwine Babes
First, and foremost, is my best buddy in the entire world, Schmoop. I love her to pieces, and she looks so hot in the coolness of black and white. And she may be, as far as adults go, the nicest person I have ever met. Okay…Back off Jay.
Secondly, we have my mutual blog crush, and all-around hot Land of Lincolner, Dana. She is perhaps, the only Republican with whom I would have sex.
Much like the Schmoopster, she is not only hot, but funny and quite intelligent. I am so glad that she frequents my blog.
And lastly, we have Motley. Motley is only 19, so yes, being 43, I felt kinda creepy putting her on here, but dammit, how could I not?
She was last week’s COW winner and went to the trouble of writing my name on her most nubile, and edible thigh.
How can one, not give out props for that? Thanks Motley, and tell your mom, Winter, that I love her too.
So, there you have it. Three hot chicks who have succumbed to the piquant bite of the Bagwine. Who will be next? Anyone? Oh dear God, I hope so.
And now, our Bagwine Ruminations Comment of the Week…
It was tough this week because for whatever reason, all of you guys were some damn funny mo-foes. But I have, come up with not one, but two worthy recipients…
First off the sexiest chick in the Willamette Valley, the uber-adorable Cheesy…
She had a comment about my post on California gay marriage from yesterday that went exactly like this:
“a lesbian couple who are 83 and 87 years old got married. Witnesses are describing the ceremony as beautiful and the honeymoon as horrifying.”
Cheesy has had many a funny comment over the last couple years, she is long due for this. Check her site out by clicking HERE. You’ll be glad you did.
And the other?
It is from Wednesday’s post about my visit from the Holy Baby Jeebus.
Relatively new reader, Dianne, left a comment about how she had a spiritual awakening and came to find me…
“I got entangled in a church Baby Jeebus parade and there he was! in the plaster! himself!
I didn't know what it meant then since I hadn't found you yet but as I jammed my car through the crowd reverently exclaiming - "get the fuck back on the sidewalk cretins" Baby Jeebus looked deep into my eyes and whispered.
"Seek out the Matt-Man bitch"…
Is that touching or what? To check out Dianne’s site click HERE.
I hope you do stop by everybody’s site that I have mentioned, and more importantly...
I hope that you wear some Bagwine clothes and/or write my name on your body, take a picture and become a Bagwine Babe.
A man passed on yesterday, and he is one that elicits no sarcastic jokes from me upon his passing.
The Washington Bureau Chief of NBC News and moderator of Meet The Press, Tim Russert died yesterday, at the age of 58.
I was crushed. I don’t enjoy seeing good people being taken from this earth so soon.
Russert lived, ate, and breathed politics…something I do as well. I found his passion for it, invigorating.
He was not full of deluded bombast like O’Reilly; he wasn’t full of fluff like Walters; he wasn’t full of himself like Hannity and Olberman.
He was a regular guy from Buffalo, New York who grew up admiring his dad, worked hard, and eventually married and helped to create and raise a great kid named Luke.
And all along the way, he checked his facts and interviewed evasive politicians with the mastery of a skillful attorney, of which, he was one.
In my opinion, he was the best at what he did. Every reporter has personal biases and agendas, but I feel that he, better than any other, kept his in check.
Typically I don’t eat breakfast, but on Sunday mornings I do…
I’ll still enjoy my bacon and eggs on Sunday morning, but they won’t taste quite as good without my side of Tim Russert hosting Meet the Press.
Here’s to him, his family, and all that knew the man…
And now…The Bagwine Ruminations Comment of the Week.
This week’s COW comes from the daughter of a previous COW recipient.
On Monday, I posted about my funk and one of the reasons that helped me to get out of it.
I was at work, and a co-worker, whom I have only known for a couple of months called me and offered to cook, and bring me a hamburger.
An old friend stopped by, and although she said my posts haven’t been very funny of late, it was great to see her.
And then, later in the day I went to work and was busy as hell. But it was a good kind of busy.
Later that evening, I found out that I made somebody smile. I like that. Quite a bit.
This person smiled because she said, in effect, that she felt as though she was 14 years old again. Giddy…Innocent.
I don’t think any of us want to traverse those years again, but when in brevity, they can be a good feeling.
Those years can be full of hope, promise, and even though many times painful and awkward, in some ways the best of times.
It reminded me of a poem my dad had written. It is a poem about coming of age and venturing beyond the apron strings.
When a site reviews me, I always get knocked for my grammar. They just don’t get it. I write in a style that we speak everyday.
My dad could write sonnets, dissertations, and pentameter someone’s iambic with the best of them…but he was at his best when he wrote as most of us speak.
A poem by my dad that popped into my mind last night, “Triangle”.
I regret to tell you that I have a date with a girl much younger than you, and a bit slimmer. She’s very pretty, dresses mod, and she smiles the way you smiled, once upon a time. Perhaps that is why I asked her to join me at the Pizza Hut for Coke, and the fourteen inch deluxe.
Since you let your daughter stay out until midnight and you get sleepy after the eleven o’clock news don’t wait up for us.
Say what you will, I think it is simplistic beauty. Here’s to you Dad!!
And now, the Bagwine Ruminations Comment of the Week…
This week’s comment comes to us courtesy of that Bejeweled Breast Queen, and her words from yesterday.
Leighann of Pessimists Need Love Too commented on my post from yesterday about the number of lovers we have all had. The average number being nine.
I laughed out loud when Leighann commented:
“I’m still a virgin.”
Why did I laugh? Because even if she didn’t have four kids, you know damn well somebody would have at some point, scaled those twin peaks!!
It’s not going to be a good day here in Bagwine, Ohio.
I did not sleep well at all.
I mean, I was pretty comfortable, but I kept tossing and turning due to a strange dream.
I dreamed that I was at some type of huge family gathering. Everybody was there.
Even Mom and Dad were there and let me tell you, they look pretty damn good for a couple of dead people.
Anyway, several of the younger ones got quite angry with me because I tripped over my niece’s plastic guitar.
They kept saying, “He broke it!! He Broke it!!”
I didn’t break it; there wasn’t even a mark on it. So, I got into a fist fight with my niece and a half dozen other Children of the Corn.
I won, but I didn’t get a chance to celebrate, because the dream shifted gears.
I began having a discussion with an ex sister-in-law, about Catholic doctrine, and sex. The ex SIL kept calling herself, Eva Marie, but that’s not her name.
Soon after, I am sitting next to two writers from the Letterman Show. One guy is laughing because he came up with a funny bit.
He said, “We’ll have everybody stand up for the Pledge of Allegiance, but then direct them to the food line.”
WTF? The three of us thought that was funny.
Out of the blue I get a phone call, without being near a phone, and start talking to an old friend of mine.
He asks me, “Do you guys celebrate it there?” He asks me this three or four times, “Do you guys celebrate it there?”
I finally screamed, “Celebrate What?” And he says, “Alka Seltzer Day.”
Just then Speedy, the Alka Seltzer dude picks up the plastic guitar and starts dancing…I woke up.
And now, our Bagwine Ruminations Comment of the Week…
This week's COW comes to us from my Half Nekkid Thursday, clambake picture post.
I think Jo of My Place for Whatever, probably captured the feel of how many readers feel when coming here, when she said...
"Sweet Mother of Pearl. You bring "Fun with scissors, paper & glue" to a new level.
Every time I come to Matt-Land I end up a little traumatized...but I keep coming back! You're like a voodoo witchdoctor."
Congrats to Jo for ropin' this week's COW, and for the compliment. Click HEREto swing by Jo's and congratulate her.
Have a lovely Saturday. I am off to do some frickin' yardwork over at Ryno's. Man, I need some Alka-Seltzer-Less sleep.
No workie today, the computer is running well, and we have the return of Inky and Lola.
As per request from longtime Bagwine buddy, Songbird, I have brought them back in time for two big events.
Enjoy...
And now, the Bagwine Ruminations Comment of the Week...
Yesterday, I posted about the computer problems that I was having, and spoke how I may have contracted a virus while doing a Google search that included the following:
Rosie O'Donnell + Kentucky Derby Winners + Anal Sex
Turnbaby, of As the World Turns, commented to let me know that I ruined something for her, and at the same time shared to all, how she likes to get her freak on, with the following:
"You had to go and ruin anal sex for me didn't you?"
Please stop by to see her loveliness, and congratulate her for ropin' this week's COW and to remind her that, "Backdoor Guests Are Still Best."
There will be no COW Award today, due to a couple of reasons…
We here at the Bagwine digs are in crisis mode. Things are in chaos!!
I have misplaced something that is pretty damn important to me.
So important, that you can see I have brought the Pope hat back out and have been praying for the safe return of this item.
The item is a key, and sometime yesterday between 3:40 P.M. and 9:00 P.M., it went poof!!
There are only a couple of places where it can be. Yet, somehow, it seems to have taken on the ability to hide itself as if it has developed Romulan cloaking technology.
(By the way, this cloaking technology initially appeared in the Star Trek episode, “Balance of Terror” which aired December 15, 1966. Don’t ask me how or why I know this.)
Anyway, I am not a happy Matt-Man…
I am asking you, my beloved Bagwine readers to say a prayer or send fortuitous instant-karma my way, so it may be found.
I don’t care which faith you are if any.
I will gratefully accept all forms of prayer, be you Jewish, Protestant, or even if you are a 16 year old mother of four Latter Day Saint living in protective custody…
Your prayers matter to me.
In fact, all you Catholics out there, give a shout out to St. Anthony for me.
I know it’s Saturday, so he’s probably drunk, but maybe he will work a little Heavenly voodoo on my behalf.
I thank you in advance for your help, and will keep you updated.
Oh, I said there were a couple of reasons that there will be no COW Award today.
In addition to the missing key the other reason is that, well…um…
Well…frankly, you guys just weren’t all that funny this week.
Ha…Just kidding. I kid, because I love.
Enjoy your Saturday, and wish me luck.
Cheers!! Update: 1:29 P.M...Thanks for all of your well wishes and thoughts. The key has been found. Thank you each and every one. Let's Party!! Hope to see you at tomorrow's Sunday Morning Church Disservice...
The new job that I have taken on is going really well.
The folks who work there are cool and I get to meet a varied group of people on a daily basis, but….
There may be a problem developing.
I have to work later today and most of the day tomorrow. I am already gone most nights during the week.
Because of all of this, I think Schmoop may have found someone else to satisfy her needs.
She no longer gets to enjoy my culinary skills or my world renown prowess in the bed. I think she has filled those voids with someone else.
Why do I think this?
I got home late Wednesday night. Schmoop was already in bed.
When I greeted her Thursday morning, her breath had the distinct smell of well cooked beef and brown sauce.
I said nothing. She went to work and since it was my day off, I cleaned the Bagwine abode.
As I wondered about the aroma of the strange cuisine on her breath, I made the bed. The source of her oral odor was discovered.
Among the cool, rumpled sheets I found a used condom, a chef’s hat, and puddles of gravy…well, it was either gravy or her or the sexual interloper has a serious STD.
I was shocked!! I was crushed!! I was overcome with a craving for Salisbury Steak!!
I have not been able to confront her about my discovery. I can only hope she will read this and apologize to me for my pain.
More importantly, I hope she will have her dirty bastard of a lover give me the recipe to that gravy. Wow, it smelled Dee-Lish.
And now, our Bagwine Ruminations Comment of the Week…
"Nice work, Matt-man! I too, dabble in the video mode so I can appreciate the effort that goes into making one of these...in the immortal words of Mother Teresa: "BINGO!"
Congrats for ropin’ this week’s COW Phfrankie, and keep the compliments coming.
If you get a moment folks, click HERE, and go congratulate Phfrankie on his impressive award.
Tomorrow's Sunday Morning Church Disservice will include some thoughts on Bill Maher’s Anti-Pope comments.
In the meantime, I am off to find more clues relative to the breaking Schmoop-Gate.
I hope that everyone is enjoying their weekend. I know that I am digging this Bagwine, Ohio weather.
Today, it’s going to be 46 F with 20 mph winds, and some rain. So very refreshing. Bleh.
But enough of my meteorological morass, I have a number of things on mind this morning so let’s get right to it, shall we?
1. I have had several new readers of late, and my Links That Make Me Drink is out of date and not so nifty lookin’.
I am going to fix that over the weekend. If you are not in my links, let me know and I shall gladly add your site… Even if it means that I have to bumpJefffrom the list. 2. There are a few lurkers on Bagwine Ruminations. Some folks swing by daily, yet do not leave a message or just say, “Hi”.
C’mon folks. Don’t be shy. Join the fun!!
3. This is my 734th post. Oddly, that is the same number of women I have slept with…or is that the number of times I have been turned down? I get confused.
5. I spoke last weekend about Conan O’Brien stealing my material. I have now noticed other bloggers serving up sloppy seconds of my ideas of late.
Feel free to use my stuff folks, but some credit would be nice. M’kay!?
6. My site was reviewed earlier this week by some chick. A fellow reviewer of hers, left a remark in the comments section of that review.
It appears in my upper right sidebar. Ha. She has trouble figuring out what I am trying to say? I never realized I was so deep.
7. Schmoop just shaved her legs, which can mean only one of two things. Either I am gettin’ laid tonight or some dude I don’t know about is.
Ahhhhhh. I feel better now that I have tied up some loose ends and loose thoughts.
And now, our Bagwine Ruminations Comment of the Week…
We have our first repeat Mooo-er this week. This man has been on a roll all week, but he roped the COW for his comment yesterday.
Dana was thanking me for the Blog-Fo-Mercial, yesterday, and commented that she was off to take a shower.
I asked her if she, could pay me for my efforts by fantasizing of me while she showered. Jeff, of A Word in Edgewise, had something to say about that…
“Now I'm picturing Dana in the shower and that’s good, but then I realize she'll be picturing you in there too, and that's a bit disturbing this early in the morning.” Please stop by Jeff’s site by clicking HERE and congratulate him on ropin’ yet another dogie.
I am off this morning to see my sarcastic Little Man. Enjoy your Saturday and I’ll see ya later today.
Ladies and Gentlemen, today is a special day for Bagwine Ruminations.
We are awarding not one, but two C.O.W.s this week.
Oh, and by the way, Ryno wants to play one on one basketball again with the Old Man this morning.
For the record, since the little 13 year old future NBA’er and I have kept records of our games, this Old Man is up 3 games to 0.
While it’s good for him that he is 30 years younger, it’s better for me that I am 7 inches taller!!
So, since it is finally going to be a nice day in Bagwine, Ohio and I am off to see Ryno this morning, let’s get right to it.
First, a special COW goes to someone who has been a regular Bagwine drinker for quite awhile.
She is always there when I need a song suggestion, a review for my sidebar, and always makes me laugh with her comments.
Her name is Starrlight and she hails from the Great Northwest of the U.S. She is smart, funny, and I believe, of Greek ancestry, or as President Bush would say…
“I think that dogie bitch is Grecian.”
On Wednesday’s post, I launched Matt-Man’s Internets Bag-A-Date ™ dating service. I didn’t come right out and say to send your application…But she did.
I will post her application later due to length constraints, but I wanted to thank her today.
I hope you do the same and go over to the lovely Starrlight’s site by clicking HERE, and congratulate her for the COW, and being a buddy.
Thanks for everything Starr!!
And now for our weeklyBagwine Ruminations Comment of the Week…
This week’s comment comes courtesy of our Tuesday post and the creation of April Foot’s Day.
This funny man, through his comment, shows his innate ability to call me an auto-erotic pervert and a sensitive guy at the same time.
Inky and Lola are already celebrating St. Patrick’s Day. There are many St. P Day bashes going on this weekend.
If you are attending one, have a heck of o’ time, and drive safely.
More on St. Patrick’s Day, Monday…
Big news kids…It’s official!! I am Dutch Bitch’s…um…well…Bitch!! That’s right, the uber-hot, loud, proud, and sassy Queen Beatrix of the Blogosphere has pimped me out.
Today she has written and posted a most accurate review of my website because I begged her to she recognizes a quality blog when she sees one.
Please stop by her site today by clicking HERE, toread her review, and give her a big old Bagwine Hallo. Cheers and Thanks, DB!!
I didn’t get all of my crap done yesterday that I needed to, (Don’t panic Vinny) so I’ll be working on that this morning.
It’s kinda nice, because Schmoop will be at her Mom’s, and I don’t go to see Ryno til’ tomorrow.
This way, I can work on the stuff that I need to and most importantly…
I can do it while masturbating to the sights and sounds of Paula Deen deep frying bacon wrapped mac ‘n’ cheese on the Food Network!!
Life is good.
And Now, Our Bagwine Ruminations Comment of the Week…
Wow…What a day it was yesterday. It was windy, frigid, and we ended up with 17 inches of snow.
Today…Partly Sunny and a high of 33. Change can happen in the blink of an eye.
Speaking of change, did you remember to set your clock up an hour?
Daylight Savings Time started early this year.
The end result of this change…
The sun won’t set until roughly 7:30 PM tonight in Bagwine, Ohio. I like that kind of change.
Another change that I am looking forward to takes place in two weeks. Easter Morning will dawn and I will rediscover the joy of eating a greasy hamburger. Praise Jeebus!!
Things on the meatless front are getting ugly. I had another disturbing dream last night.
Being the unsuccessful heterosexual that I am, it’s bad enough dreaming about having sex with men, but c’mon…these two freaks!?
Ronald said, “Screw the Golden Arches, I’m gonna give you a Golden Shower.”
Then, the maniacal looking Burger King spread his cheeks and ordered me to toss his salad.
It could have gotten worse, but I woke up before he whipped out his Whopper.
Yes indeed, it could have been worse, but nonetheless, there was serious damage done to my mental health.
I need some meat folks. Easter can’t get here soon enough.
And now let us bow our heads, and in lieu of prayers, let us award the Bagwine Ruminations Comment of the Week…
This week’s COW comes courtesy of Mo from It’s A Blog Eat Blog World. I was bitching about Blogger problems in the comments section of yesterday’s post.
Mo told me that it wasn’t just a problem that I was having.
He was having difficulties as well, and he summed up his ticked-off-ness in a manner befitting our Sunday Morning Church Disservice:
“…it's not just you (or your snowstorm) it's everywhere today.I'm more frustrated than a Catholic priest at a Boy Scouts sleepover.”
Well said Mo, well said. If you get the chance, swing by Mo’s site and give a him a hearty congrats for ropin’ this week's COW.
Wow!! It is already March 1st. Seems like only yesterday it was February. Where does the time go?
March is a busy month. Spring begins, Drunkenness ensues on St. Paddy’s Day, Schmoop turns 42 26, and... I get to turn the page on my George W. Bush Countdown To Leaving Office Calendar. Boo Yah!!
Anyhoo, Sindi tagged me with a meme (and most of you know how I feel about those) that asks 39 questions of the, um...memee?
I thought I would answer a few at a time. So to wit, and heretofore, are a couple of my answers… 13. Favorite food? As you know, I do love the greasy goodness of fried SPAM, but I also have a love of Baloney sandwiches on white bread, smothered in cottage cheese and Cheetos. Yum-Frickin’-Oh!!
39. How many countries have you been to?
I have only been to the vast wasteland that is Canada. It was very unmemorable, and as exciting as watching a curling match.
I would like to go to the Netherlands. I came across a blogger named the Dutch Bitch. For some reason, she reminds me of the ABBA chick, Frida Lyngstad. Purrrrrrrr.
It would be great to fly over and explore her lowlands.
If I went there and failed to hook up with Dutchie, Holland still has two other things of note…Legal prostitution, and delicious cheese. Proost and Gezondheid!!
31. What are you afraid of?
Sure, I know many of you think that I am fearless, but that is not the case. I fear clowns, midgets, and librarians. If I ever come across a midget, dressed up like Bozo, discussing the nuances of the Dewey Decimal System, I would probably spontaneously combust.
There it is, a little insight into the Matt-Man. I’ll answer more queries from Sindi next Saturday. And now, it’s time for the Bagwine Ruminations Comment of the Week…
As expected, our COW comes from my Half Nekkid Thursday post. Our winner this week is Marilyn, who authors More Random Than Average.
Marilyn’s comment is proof positive that not only are Bagwine readers smart, their children are insightful and intuitive as well.
Marilyn’s comment comes indirectly from her adorable young daughter, Jasmine…
“So Jasmine starts to walk in here and I say, "No! there's inappropriate stuff on this blog".
and she says..."Matt-Man's blog?"
How'd she know?”
How precious…Please stop by and congratulate one of the driest wits in the blogosphere on roping this week’s COW. You can visit Marilyn by clickingHERE.
Enjoy your Saturday folks, I am off to see the Matt-Man clone for a few.
If you are a relatively new reader of Bagwine Ruminations and enjoy cartoons on a Saturday morning, click HERE, and view all of my Inky and Lola episodes from the past.
You will quickly see why I am the master of stick figure artistry, and experience the evolution of our beloved hero and heroine.
Big day today…well…not really.
I am going over to see Ryno this morning, and also scrub the kitchen floor for his Mom. My philanthropy knows no bounds.
After that, I am going to pick up party supplies for Schmoop and I, drop them off at the abode, and then go see my sister for a little while…perhaps sharing an aperitif or two.
Once my familial visit is done, it’s back home to crank up some tunes and enjoy more libation with Schmoop and her brother, Dave.
Damn, do I live on the edge or what? Ribald wackiness abounds in my world.
Now that you are aware of my Saturday itinerary, let’s get to the business at hand. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for the:
Bagwine Ruminations Comment of the Week…
The comment of the week doesn’t necessarily have to be the funniest comment of the week.
It can be a comment that makes me think, evokes a memory, or in this case, accurately describes why Bagwine Ruminations is such a fun place to visit.
She pointed out something that I have said for some time. Winter left a comment as to why my site is oft times quite amusing…
“I have to say Matt, you have the best commenters on the net. The comments are just as funny as your blog posts. It's awesome.”
You are right on with that observation Winter. Congrats on winning this week’s COW, and thanks to all of you guys for backing up her statement on a daily basis.
If you’d like to offer kudos to Winter on her prestigious award, click HERE.
Enjoy your Saturday everybody, and I hope to see you tomorrow for our Sunday Morning Church Disservice.
Yesterday, in media outlets everywhere, fallout continued to rain down over Jane Fonda’s use of profanity on the Today Show Thursday… Specifically her use of the word, “c*nt.”
One of the morons leading the charge of turning this “shocking” incident into an Apocalyptic attack on the wholesomeness of our children is of course, Bill O’Reilly. He has been all over Fonda’s back since Thursday, and the ratings whore continued his moral diatribe last night. As I watched and listened to Falafel Boy, his rantings faded into the background, eventually becoming inaudible.
My thoughts turned into more of a wonderment mode. I began to ponder the following:
Exactly why is the word “c*nt” such an uber-offensive word? Why does the word “c*nt” elicit such rage in some women?
A lesser pondering led to me ask myself, why do I bother spelling the word “c*nt” with an asterisk when everyone knows damn well what I am talking about?
But seriously…I asked Schmoop, who is indeed a woman, what is so offensive about this word. She had no clue. I suggested that it is no more offensive than bitch, prick, mo-fo, etc.
I postulated, that the word was somewhere at sometime, manufactured in to being the Grand Poobah of Offensiveness. (Probably by some c*nt.)
I did some research, and sure enough, my theory was somewhat corroborated. I read an article that stated that the word “c*nt” has been around for centuries, most notably used by Geoffrey Chaucer.
It has only relatively recently carried its negative connotation.
The word began to morph into being a disparaging term only after appearing in DH Lawrence’s 1928 novel, “Lady Chatterley’s Lover”. Interesting. For the full article, click HERE. The article is informative and very brief.
With that being said, I still would like to know from the women out there…If you find this word to be highly offensive, why is that? Specifically, why is this word so much more egregious than other curse words? Any thoughts on this, please let me know.
And Now, Our Bagwine Ruminations Comment of the Week.
Since the inception of this award, this week has been by far, the most difficult one in which to pick a winner. Some folks advocated for the comment left by Sandee of Comedy Plus who commented about wanting to give her husband a Blow Job for Valentine’s Day, but spending $2,000.00 on someone to do it for her was too pricey. In the end, I picked a different comment. It also appeared under my post about how men are coerced into buying over-priced crap for their special one on Valentine’s Day.
I was struck, not just by the comment, but who said it.
Sometimes Saintly Nick of Nick’s Bytes is a semi-retired man of the cloth…an actual ordained minister. But even a man of God is not, as he made clear, exempt from the temptations of other women.
But maybe, not in the way you think...Nick Commented:
“Maybe I was lucky? My ex-wife hated receiving flowers and was allergic to the metals in most jewelry. Unfortunately, she loved having sex with women.”
Amen Nick, and congratulations on roping this week’s COW. Click HERE if you’d like to give Nick a shout out on his award.
Have a good Saturday all. Off to see my 13 year old clone for a few, and then back to the digs for a little music, Bagwine, and hopefully a little sumpin’ sumpin’.
