Wow…What a Super Happy Fun Week it has been. Man, I am burned out, and I still have a weekend of more exciting activities. I need a break!!Because of that, my post today will be fairly short. Of course every time I say that, it still turns out to be kinda long.
Hell, I am already up to 59 words…And that’s before I typed in “59 words”.
Those words put me up to 68, and that’s before I typed in, “Those words put me up to 68.”
Aaaaaaaagh make the word count madness stop!! I may have discovered a new form of torture. Well, at least for dullards like myself.
Lessee…I am sure that if you follow politics, you have heard that Multi-Millionaire Mormon and Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney has dropped out of the Republican primary.
Some Mormons were so upset with his decision that they turned violent. Shortly after Romney’s announcement, The Salt Lake City Police Department responded to 73 reports of Domestic Violence yesterday, and that was just in one household.
I want to thank all of you who stopped by yesterday to wish me a Happy Birthday. I appreciate that quite a bit.
I received a few Birthday phone calls from some of my brothers and sisters yesterday as well. That’s always nice.
I did however, receive one very disturbing message on my answering machine yesterday. It was the sexy voice of a woman repeating, “February 7, 1982...You stole my virginity; prepare to die.”
The vision in my head was out of the movie, “The Princess Bride” and a busty female version of Inigo Montoya chasing me, the six fingered Matt-Man, down with her sword…
The image was quite creepy but a little bit erotic too, so I jacked off while repeatedly playing the message.
What the hell, when life hands you lemons…make lemonade. Or in this case, spooge-ade. I am so damn resourceful.
Ahhhhh. It feels so nice to take it easy and clear my blogged up mind. I do however, have a couple of announcements to make.
Today marks the 39th Birthday of Bagwine friend, and saucy supplier of sardonic commentary, Starrlight.
If you get a chance, stop by her site and wish her a Happy Birthday.
She and her kidlet have been very under the weather of late, so maybe your Birthday wishes will brighten her special day.
You can visit Starrlight by clicking HERE.
Another longtime friend, Desert Songbird, is going to be in the hospital for a couple of days or so to deal with a problem. She has oddly enough, asked me to maintain and post on her site over the weekend.
I knew she wasn’t feeling great, but hell, I didn’t realize Songbird's health was affecting her judgment.
More details on that tomorrow…Hopefully tomorrow will also offer you another installment of America’s favorite stick figures, “Inky and Lola”.
We will of course also be awarding the Bagwine Comment of the Week.
So folks, enjoy your Friday, have a great weekend, and remember, a good ejaculation is never more than a message left by a psychopath away.
Cheers!!
50 comments:
Wait! Is Desert Songbird having brain surgery? Somehow this decision to have you maintain her site seems like it might only make things worse! But that's just my distorted view!
Dana: I didn't think she was going in for that, but you are right.
It may be something she might want to have looked at while she is in there. Cheers!!
Looks like we wont have the Ken Doll candidate to kick around anymore. Maybe its time to trip Ron Paul or something.
Songbird has lost her mind apparently
Who are you trying to fool? We all know that you have Songbird tied up on your bathroom!!
Poor songbird..Sounds like she needs an ice pick to the temple lobotomy for that decision.
How about that Mitt Romney? He looks like the guy that would approve your check at a supermarket. He looks like the piano player in an upscale department store. He looks like a guy who winks when he shakes your hand. He looks like the guy who is married to an over-the-hill actress~~ Good riddance
Sparky: The Ken Doll is indeed dead. Trip Ron Paul, eh?
Well, the funny thing is if we did, being the Libertarian that he is, he wouldn't want us to call a taxpayer paid ambulance. Cheers!!
OMG Songbird is worse off then we thought!!;-P
Leighann: I may be cruel, but I would never tie up anyone in my bathroom...Especially after I was just in there. Cheers!!
Cheesy: Her choice of blog caretaker was a bit disturbing.
Yeah, poor old Mittney. I hear that after he dropped out, he also lost his pending "White Rain Super Hold" endorsement deal. Cheers!!
TB: I think we all agree. Her choice shows signs of acute dementia. Cheers!!
59 - 68 - that´s all I get?
You promised to take me out to "wine-dine-69" me?!?!
Happy hangover friday! *grin*
Geez, I think I've been suffering from oxygen deprivation. My mind is not working well...I did WHAT?!?!?!?!
Oh well, try really hard NOT to scare the natives while I'm gone, would you Mr. "I Get 85 Comments a Day While You Can Only Manage 25 or 30?"
Songbird: Don't worry...Just like Allstate, with me, you are in good hands. No, seriously.
Good Luck with everything. Cheers Baby!!
Have a good weekend Matt get some rest, you don't want to end up like a struck match.
Roger: My burdens are many, my responsibilities great. Alas, there is no rest for me. Cheers Roger!!
".....and that was just in one Household." lmao.
I never get phone messages like that! Damn....(here's my phone number.........555.....Kidding)
Peace
Odat: Ha. Thanks I liked that line myself. Since I can't call you, I am breathing heavy as I type this. Cheers!!
So Songbirds site will be called The Spooge Box for the weekend?
We threw a party for Starrlight and we wish our most excellent friend Songbird an uneventful hospital stay and wishes she gets back to us soon...
Bond: I wont do that to Songbird. Yeah, and it is a good party too. Good luck with the butt doctor today. Cheers!!
Psycho chicks are always the hottest ones. Take Britney for instance. She's totally psycho, but you know she's amazing in bed. She'll beat your car up with an umbrella and may stalk you for a while, hell she might even hold a straight razor over Big Jim and Twins while you're asleep every once in a while, but it would all be worth it.
I'm gonna miss old Multiple Choice Mitt, but whatever give's my boi the Hucksterino a better chance is fine with me. ;-)
Jay: I've been with a couple of psycho chicks...Sure it's fun for awhile, but when you get bruised and scratched without having sex, it kinda gest old.
I bet Mitt will say next week that he never said that he was quitting the race. The Huckster, headed for the White House and haulin' us all off to the Rapture. Praise Jeebus!!
Holy Shit, Desert done lost her mind!
Thanks for the birthday wishes Matt =) I am feeling better today, still have the crap cough but I don't feel like I have wet bags of sand for lungs.
And I get STEAK for dinner! Woot!
"My Name is Immaculato Concepcion and you stole my nativity scene, prepare to die!"
Sorry, it's the hydrocodone talking :P
So Desert Songbird is giving you access to her blog. She mentioned that there may be a guest blogger, but I never even thought of you. Bwahahahahahah. I love what Dana said. Okay, can't wait to see what you do over there. Going over to sing Happy Birthday to Starrlight as you requested. Have a great day Matt-Man. :)
Starr: Yes, Songbird, has lost her mind. Glad you are feeling better in time for your Birthday.
Enjoy the steak !@#$*!! And by the way, stay on the drugs, it's the most coherent you have ever sounded. ; ) Happy Birthday and Cheers!!
Sandee: I wish Songbird would give me access to a few other things of her. Have a good one Sandee and spread the joy. Cheers!!
Aah, Inigo Montoya! "Give me back my father you son of a bitch!" I hope Songbird gets better. she wouldn' want to leave her place in your hands for too long.I for one was happy to see Mittwit go. STOP COUNTING THE WORDS!! What's with that? OCD,much??
Metalmom: What? Songbird's site is in very careful hands. (That I wash every five minutes. 6 words)
Poor Mittney we hardly knew ya. (but I bet he had cold germs. 6 words) And by the way, why do you say I have OCD? Cheers!!
I'm going right over to have a talk with Songbird in the hospital. She needs serious therapy!! And please don't place any spam on her site while she's sick.
But seriously, today I heard a rumor over at Sanni's that you are President of the Blogosphere. Where do people vote? Is there a polling booth somewhere? (YouTube does not count.)
????
This is not OK with the The Queen. Are you trying to overthrow my government?
Mutiny!!!!
Mimi: Songbird is fine...In fact, she may be the most lucid she has ever been.
What can I say, maybe the people are yearning for a democracy rather than a monarchy. I can't control the will of the people.
Cheers!!
I resemble that remark!
Starr: Yeah, well, it's your birthday so you can be whatever you want to be or resemble. Cheers!!
WTF? I could have sworn I left a hilarious comment on this already.
108: Must have been someone else's blog. Are you cheating on me!!!?
You might have Ky. I thought I had left one at Deserts and it was not there. Either blogger is fuxored or I am :P
I'm sure it's Blogger it was doing some weird things when I doing my post this morning.
That's strange because I was doing some weird things while you were doing your post this morning.
108: Well evidently you and I knocked the Blogosphere off of its axis. Cheers!!
If your current psychopath ever has to call in sick, can I leave messages on your machine instead?
I'll send my resume.... my rates are cheap.
Wow you took care of that psycho with one fist! ;)
Janna: Bring it On, Janna!! I pay top change. Cheers!!
Hammer: It wasn't even a fist. I took care of it with my palm. Cheers!!
I was soooooo happy to hear that Mitt is no longer in the run. Only 73? What? One of the wives on the pill? LOL
Happy Belated Birthday to you Matt!!!
Hope you have a great wknd and that picture of you is pretty trippy!
Love it!
ciao!
Songbird did what?
Now I know the real reason Britney Spears had to leave the hospital... it was so they could prepare a room for Songbird?
Jillie: Yeah that must have been some kind of frigid Mormon family. Thanks and have a great weekend too, you sexy nurse, you. Cheers!!
Anndi: I would say that your comment wss very hurtful, but it was actually pretty damn accurate. Cheers!!
Songbird has done the equilivant of taking the "V" chip out of the remote.
Jeff: You are just on a roll of late,, aren't ya. Good Luck at the Pine Box Derby tonight...Cheers!!
I think your spooge-ade has definitely beat out (no pun intended, well maybe a little) my pornfest for humor and new word coinage! Glad you liked my chaise. If I could just get rid of all my trashy novels I might have room for it here...
Have a great weekend!
Winter: Porn Fest, eh? Nothing beats a Porn Fest. Have a great weekend too, Winter. Cheers!!
Truly I question DS's sanity...
But now I shall have "I am Matt-man Montoya, you stole my virginity, prepare to die..." stuck in my head all day!
Inconceivable!
Mo: Ha...Inconceivable? I don't think you know what that word means. Cheers Mo-Man!!
Erm....oddly enough I have no comment...
*hides the voice distorter and erases Matt's number from her cell*
Whomever that psycho is oughta be locked up (with Matt pending approval of course).
SMOOCHES.
Post a Comment