Today is the big day. Valentine’s Day…
A day when men purchase overpriced roses, perhaps a shiny bauble or two, and then take their loved one out for fine wine and food.
Later in the day, some men may even do the same thing for their wife.
What does said male unit get for his trouble and generosity?
Twelve words, “Awwwww, thanks honey. I can’t wait to tell all of my friends.”
Love is cruel.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not completely against one’s love taking on the form of some tangible, commercial reward, but it should be mutual.
Too often it is not, and on this day, I see too many men suffering from unrequited bling bestowment.
I guess one of my biggest peeves about Valentine’s Day is that Marketing Nazi’s try to coerce men into buying something for their target of affection.
Why buy something?
Creating something from one’s own heart, mind, and soul would be much more personal and romantic. Would it not?
For instance, this Valentine’s Day, I put together a memory box for Schmoop. It contains items that conjure up images from the first time we met.
The box contains a picture of a case of Bud Light, a leather belt, baby oil, and the very pair of red silk panties that she wore (albeit briefly) on the night we met.
That my friends was a special night.
It wasn’t just love and roses though. There was some angst and regret of how quickly the passion unfolded. I tried to somehow bottle Schmoop’s regret from that night.
I decided to symbolize that feeling by filling a shot glass full of my urine and leaving the toilet seat up.
Matt-Man: Ar-teest Amor!!
See? Personal handcrafted gifts are much better than say, Pajama Grams. Have you seen those commercials for Pajama Grams? Gimme a break.
The ad says something like…Hey Guys, order your woman a sexy pair of pajamas for Valentine’s Day and have it delivered to her in a fancy hat box.
The ad and the visuals of it, imply that if a guy buys these “hot” PJs, she will be so happy that the PJs will later be flying off of her and she will be spread eagle on the bed.
Fuck That.
If I spend serious coin on a pair of pajamas for my lady, I want her to leave them on and get my money’s worth out of them.
I want her to wear out that silky night garb to the point where her nipples have poked through the top, and the ass crack sweat has eaten away at the bottoms.
Passion is all well and good, but at what cost?
In spite of my slight cynicism about Valentine’s Day, I hope that yours is all that you’d like it to be. Have a wonderful day all, and as always…
Cheers!!
83 comments:
Happy Valentine´s Day - spend it crafting a self-recharging garden gnome shaped mega-dildo =)
Sanni: Same to ya Sanni. But Schmoop doesn't need such an item; they don't call me "The Lawnmower" for nothing. Cheers!!
I am the anti-VD Queen this year!
Take your obligatory greetings, baubles and flowers and shove them up your ... well ... you know!
Ahhhh ... I'm feeling the love now! HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!
I don't know why, but that post made me feel all warm and fuzzy ;d
(I hope Schmoop feels the same!)
Happy Valentine's Day Matt!
Peace
A true romantic through and through...
but i agree on the flowers thing...I buy my lady a rose or two every 10 days or so...yet the price has skyrocketed this week....PRICE-GOUGERS
I wonder if i can find some monkey poop to commemorate the first date Nancy and I had at the zoo?
You're too funny... :D
Hoping you have a lucky Valentine's Day!
<3
Deb
Dana: I knew I could count on you to help me spread the "joy". Cheers!!
Odat: I'm glad I could fill you with warmth and fuzziness. It's more than a hobby; it's a calling. Cheers!!
Bond: Gouging is sooo correct. if you can't find monkey poop, let me know, I'll send you some of mine. Cheers!!
Deb: Why thank you very much. I hope your VD is filled with love and joy. Yeah, I just said that. Cheers Deb!!
Happy Valentines Day!
Wow, flowers and baubles....Not really my thing and I agree that Valentines is for both the guy and the chick....
My husband and I have a mutual agreement on Valentines Day....I don't buy him anything and he doesn't buy me anything...you see it works out really well...and neither of us feel left out ; )
He'd always rather have a good blow job anyway! :p
Scarlett: The same arrangement exists here as well. But as far as the blowjob...
I prefer Schmoop dressing up like an SS Stormtrooper, and smacking me on the ass with a frozen Kielbasa. Cheers!!
Dana is anti-VD.... aren't we all? I haven't met a single person in my life that went searching for VD.... but I digress.
Happy dontgeta STD day!
May you get an extra sloppy wet blow job from Schmoop tonight!
Love is not blind,
It sees more, not less.
And because it sees more
Its willing to see less.
Happy Heart Day to you and your sweetpea!
Leighann: I don't know...It would be fun to be able to say to people, "I have Morning Drip."
Thanks you for looking out for my wankertivity. Cheers!!
Cheesy: Ha, cute and clever. Happy V Day to you too, Cheesy. Kiss, Lick, Grope. Cheers!!
You are so giving...
Happy V Day to you and the sainted Schmoop.
Anndi: I know...I would let your comment go to my head, but it is time for me to go downtown and help serve meals at the local soup kitchen. Happy V Day to you Hot Stuff!! Cheers!!
Very funny. The frozen kielbasa comment was the funniest! And yeah the pajama gram commercial suck severely. Rott would be like, WTF would I buy that shit for when the point is to have the woman in LESS clothes? No Valentines here this year. Rott is still um... away... at a retreat for persons with um... a love for pharmaceuticals. No matter tho. Just mo luv to share when he comes home. Have a great Valentine's Day Matt!
On his wasy out the door this morning, Hubs said,"If you're lucky, I'll LET you give me a blowjob later!" As if this was number one on my 'to do' list!!
Fucker better bring me roses AND chocolate!!
Have good VD with Schmoop!! Love ya!!
Winter: Exactly...Why buy something to wear when ya want to get nekkid!?
Enjoy the future reacquaintence and a Happy Valentine's Day to you too. Cheers!!
Metalmom: I'mm impressed...Your man is a true poet warrior, so suck it up, er, so to speak. Have a lovely V Day. Cheers Metal!!
Make it simple: seperate with spouse right before the big day.
Nighties are freakin hot. F**K flowers!
Shot of urine just for me, awww Matt-Man why thanks.
Somehow I got on the freakin' "Pajama Gram" mailing list (?!) Bling? Hell no! Instead of an engagement ring, my man bought me a roof rack for the car (We've been married over ten years, now.) True loves means knowing when to tell Hallmark to shove it.
I think the shot glass full of urine is the best part of your creation. Nothing says love like that!
Jahoooooooni: You have just demonstrated that my readers give the best advice. Nighties are hot, but c'mon, let's just get naked. Enjoy my piss dear. Cheers!!
Desert Rat: Is he going to tie you to the roof rack and have his way with you? That would be hot. Cheers!!
Jay: You are correct...Nothing says "I Love You", like a shot glass full of warm, bodily fluids. Cheers!!
All I know is my Valentine's Day best be filled with edible panties, whips,cuffs,and a hell of a lot of chocolate syrup.
If not, then by God I will spend V-Day with my husband next year!
PP: Good Luck with that because I would hate to see your hubby suffer next year. Cheers!!
not a big fan of roses
I'd rather select my own chocolate
the Pajama Grams suck big time
HOWEVER...
while I am not really a Hallmark kinda gal...getting just the right card has a way of catching my attention...
Kat: Good Woman. I made a lovely card for Schmoop myself, and had it taped to the mirror this morning when she woke up.
I am the Man. Cheers!!
A homemade gift is always nice. Jewlery is nice too. It is really the thought that counts.
And I think men get gifts for valentines also. Gifts and maybe special bedroom treats...not a bad deal. Happy Valentines.
Karen: Homemade is best, but if you are saying that getting "bedroom treats" is a gift for the guy, I hope you mean that his wife or girlfriend rented him three hot looking hookers for the night.
Enjoy the cashews and Cheers!!
Awwww a gift from the heart... very sentimental. Happy V-D Matt Man...
Doc: Actually it was mainly a gift from the bladder. Cheers Doc!!
you made your own card and put it on the mirror for her???
how sweet is that?
past experience leads me to believe any valentine I may receive will have either the teamster logo....or the Harley Davidson logo....
Kat: Well of course I did. And it was a very sweet card.
Hey Teamsters, and Hog Owners need lovin' too.
They are both a sensitive lot. Cheers!!
ah yes....he can be VERY sensitive....don't you worry Mateo....I will make sure he is taken well care of...
Did you know that Hallmark is only one letter away from "Hell mark"? Coincidence?
Kat: Oh have no doubt, and I bet he will reciprocate. After all, being a Teamster, he's probably hung like a horse...Get It?
Hahahahahahzzzzzzzz. Cheers!!
VE: Hmmmmmmm. You are such the cryptic clue tyer together..er. I think you are on to something. Cheers!!
Those pajamas, you are saying would be better if they arrived with tit panels, and crotchless so they could be worn to the fullest and used at all possible times. I say market them.
Happy V-Day Matt-Man!
Mama: No...What I am saying is that even in the state that you described I wouldn't pay good money for something that I am going to rip off with my teeth 15 seconds after seeing it. Cheers!!
ok...too much about the teamster here....first of all I'm a romantic...but by choice not by obligation...I don't need some Catholic saint named Valentine or Hallmark or See's Candy to tell me when to do something nice....The average american man spends $124.00 on roses, dinner and a card on Valentines day.....Wouldn't a nice pair of Harley riding boots be a more thoughtful gift than roses that die and dinner that turns to shit......of course a card will be sent..... the boots will have to match the gloves that were given for her birthday....and hopefully I can give her some chocolate this weekend.....
and at certain times.....I'm extremely sensitive
Teamster: First of all you need not explain anything to me. This isn't an Arbitration Hearing.
Secondly, you made me hot because now, all I have going through my head is a vision of Kat lying in a bed wearing nothing but Harley Riding Boots and Matching Gloves.
Yeahhhhh Babyyyyyy. Cheers!!
We don't exchange gifts here either. My hubby is always up for a blow job, but finding someone to do it costs big bucks. Oh well, perhaps next year. Have a great VD Matt-Man. :)
Sandee: Good Luck with the Oral Satisfaction Supplier Search. Same to ya Sandee. Cheers!!
sometimes my pattern is tmi...but like earlier posts...i'm detailed..
and now i'm excited with the image of her with nothing but boots and gloves on...isn't there a country song in the making here?
Teamster: Yes there is a song in there somewhere, but why don't you keep the image to yourself.
I think all three of us in the mix would make both Kat and myself, throw up just a little bit....My V-Day gift to you.
Cheers!!
Happy Valentine's Day, Matt-Man! Schmoop will love your thoughtful gift! Valentine's Day is a lame holiday for men, isn't it? Well, you do get the sexual favors if your gifts are really enjoyed by your Valentine. So, it's essentially Hallmark-sanctioned prostitution.
This might surprise you somewhat as I am such a romantic person, but my Valentine's Days are sort of sad. My husband does not adore me quite as much as most everyone else does and so this holiday goes by without much fanfare. Or acknowlegement.
This year I have asked for a can of Diet Chocolate Cherry Dr. Pepper and we'll just have to wait and see if I get it. I doubt it, though.
The romance in this house is gone for the most part, however, I still give rockin' blowjobs every year with almost no thank you's.
I hate Valentine's Day. It makes me hopeful and then doesn't deliver.
I think the valentine vibrator-O-gram would be more successful.
Laura: Someone else said the same thing, and I think you put it exactly right. Cheers Laura!!
108: Man, a blow job and no thanks. Whats this world cummin got? Good luck with the Dr. Pepper. Cheers!!
Hammer: Schmoop told me that she no longer needed those things once she met me. Oh Yeah...I'm Da Man!! Cheers!!
Maybe I was lucky? My ex-wife hated receiving flowers and was allergic to the metals in most jewelry. Unfortunately, she loved having sex with women.
I've got the double whammy--this is also my anniversary.
That schmoop is ONE lucky lady! It's not everyday one gets a shot glass of urine! Wooohaaaa!!!
HAPPY VD!
;o)
Nick: Ha...I love the honesty that takes place on this site. Happy Birthday Nick. Say Hi to Alex, and Cheers!!
TB: HA...You've got the Doublw Whammy? Your poor husband has the Double Whammy. Cheers and Happy Anniversary!!
Jillie: That's what I keep trying to tell her. For some reason, she just doesn't see that. Cheers and Happy VD Jillie!!
I'm with Dana, today I am celebrating being single. It has been a hell of a lot more pleasent than ANY relationship. And I'm a better lay than any of them too :P
Starr: While I have never doubted you, I would like to personally look into this claim that "you are a better lay than any of them." Cheers!!
Sorry dahlink, I don't do Lenten Vegetarians :P
Starr: Repentence Snob. Cheers!!
What you say is so true. My hubby wants to buy me something and I told him it is not important. I must be out of my mind to turn down a gift and dinner.
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY :-D
Well, I'm slightly more than slightly cynical about this day this year...
Happy VD, my friend.
Oh, and thanks for having my Entrecard in your sidebar today! (For those bloggers who haven't jumped on the Entrecard bandwagon yet, you're missing traffic!)
I completely missed you yesterday...and it was a two post day for you. I feel so empty.
As for Valentine's Day I think it should be re-named Guilt Day. I love my wife, but having to be guilted into blowing a wad of cash on a specific day because the media tells me I have to is just wrong.
Sindi: You are quite the woman. I wouldn't mind going out to dinner, but it shouldn't be expected. Happy Valentine's Day to you too. Cheers Sindi!!
Mo: I understand your feelings of down-ness but I'm sure things will turn around for you my friend.
One thing about Entrecard...Yes it increases traffic, but most people just drop their card and leave without reading the blog. Cheers Mo!!
Jeff: Oh well, I am always here for you.
That's kinda my point. Advertisers and others have made it a day "For Her". (And yes, I heard that in a an ad.)
I don't mind V-Day, but it should be mutual if anything. I made Schmoop a card and she was quite happy with that.
Cheers My Brother of Another Mother!!
:::smooch::: I hope you had a Happy Valentine's day!!
(I'd like to nominate sandee for the COW award...I truly laughed so hard I choaked....)
I got this really lovely card in the mail today....with a handwritten message no less.
HowEVER...while this may be the bagwine locker room...some people best be just a bit careful.
although...I really do look good in black leather....
Raven: Right back at ya, and I hope you did as well. Cheers Raven!!
Kat: Your nomination is noted...
I am so glad that you got such a nice personalized note in the mail. I am also assuming it didn't contain anthrax.
I agree, The Teamster is just getting out of hand in here. He is really offending my Christian sensibilities.
Mmmmmm, and I bet you do. Purrrrrr. Cheers Kat!!
I second the nomination for Sandee's comment as the COW.
Mo: Thank you for your input, but I must remind both you and Kat...While I love my readers and their comments, this site is run by a Benevolent Dictator...Cheers!!
yeah yeah....all hail the Benevolent Dick....
Kat: Are you saying that I have a Good Penis? Thanks. Cheers!!
Happy Valentine's Day to you, my friend! :)
CrAzY: Same to ya Tish. Hope you've had a good one. Cheers!!
Happy V day Matt-Man !!
or is it HAPPY VD with a side of fungus juice?
heheehe you said "go downtown"
Happy Valentine's Day!
Happy Vaseline Day Matt, now go get a rash!
Al: Thanks...I think. Cheers!!
Cheesy: HA. Yes I did, and I loooove going there. ; )~~ Cheers!!
Mimi: Thank You and Same to Ya. Cheers!!
Roger: I hope you had a greasy one yourself. Cheers!!
Ah, I don't mind spending a bit of dosh if I get to share in the loving. Got a nice big box of chocolates and then saved her from eating half of them. She was very grateful!
Happy post VD day
Boy: That was nice of you to save her from herself. Happy Friday to you. Cheers!!
Is it just me or is a post on the subject of cunts the day after Valentines Day, made by a meatless man no less, somehow just priceless?
Starr: Irony is a beautiful thing, isn't it. Cheers!!
Between my real job and my every Thursday DJ gig at a bar, I worked a total of 15 hours on Valentine's Day... just enough to not have me think about how lonely and awful my love life is.
a shot glass of urine? REALLY? And I can't even get a date?!?!
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