It’s Holy Week folks, and just five meatless days to go.Holy Week has always been a bit of mystery to me.
During the Triduum, which runs from Thursday evening to vespers on Easter Sunday...
We have all Hell breaking loose.
The Last Supper…Christ Gettin’ Nailed…The First Round of the NCAA Tournament…Oh, and then the Resurrection.
WTF?
Hayzoos arrived in Jerusalem on Sunday. Are you telling me nothing happened on Monday through Wednesday?
Of course things happened, and I know exactly what went down…
Mack Daddy J and his 13 Apostles, along with that minx, Mary Magdalene, partied their holy asses off.
They rented the Bar Mitzvah reception hall near the Garden of Gesetheme.
Once inside and set-up with mirrors and a giant disco ball, they planned the mass intoxication of civilization, while having an immoral free for all.
The 13 Apostles played poker. JC and Mary played escaped slave and the owner’s wife.
All the while, they all sucked back mass amounts Mogen and David wine from a bottle that JC kept refilling.
Pathetic…Until you think about the fact that Messiah-Boy was merely throwing one helluva pre-crucifixion wake.
When they got hungry they would order pizza from Little Caesar’s.
They would get the Goliath Super Deluxe, hold the anchovies.
Jeebus hated anchovies. He would always say, “No anchovies, please.”
Thus, years later, The J. Geils Band would write a song based on that quote.
The quote itself, appears in a series of writings that never made their way into the Bible. It’s from a text called, The Book of Menus.
One time, one of the Apostles, Rick of Tyre, slid a piece of the hairy fish onto Jeebus’ slice of pizza.
J-Mac was so pissed that he turned Rick into a tiny piece of primordial dung.
Centuries later, that piece of dung would form itself into whom we now know as Bill O’Reilly.
This explains why we only recognize 12 Apostles, and why Bill O’Reilly is such a major league asshole.
JC was also a big joke teller and prankster.
He loved taking his posse down to the local Tobacco and Hookah Shoppe.
Jeebus, would ask the tobacco merchant, “Do you have King Herod in a can?”
Ha…Everyone would burst out into a chorus of Holy laughter. JC was a regular Shecky Greene.
There is much more to this story of Holy Tom-Foolery, but alas, that must wait until tomorrow.
Have a great Holy Week Tuesday.
Cheers!!
Jeebus, would ask the tobacco merchant, “Do you have King Herod in a can?”
Ha…Everyone would burst out into a chorus of Holy laughter. JC was a regular Shecky Greene.
There is much more to this story of Holy Tom-Foolery, but alas, that must wait until tomorrow.
Have a great Holy Week Tuesday.
Cheers!!
56 comments:
When will you be e-publishing The Book of Menus? I'm thinking sales might be as good as they are for your Bagwine apparel!
I always love how spastic you get nearing the end of your meatlessness. Oh and i am supposed to say Big Buford aches for you.
Dana: It has possibilities. And my sales of Bagwine stuff are throughthe roof. If your roof is 4 inches above the floor. Cheers!!
TB: I'm dying here. Big Buford is a great burger, and oddly enough, shares the same name as my cell mate during my San Quentin years. Cheers!!
There is something about the name Jeebus that cracks me up every time!
Lu: Me too. I wish I could take credit for its origins, alas it's been around for awhile. Cheers!!
Reading this blog is like going to Sunday School. I feel so enlightened!
Fab: Tell me how enlightened you feel when you see in me in Hell. Cheers!!
Your suffering is almost done my son!
That's it you are flippin' delusional man and that is all there is to it!
I'm with Mr Fab. I was never a religious type...but with this easter lesson, I might just sign up...
Religion can be fun...AND...edge-a-mechational
HUGS!
Roger: I know...Both my wanker and my colon have hard ons. Cheers!!
Mama: Delusional? I speaketh the truth. Just ask The Almighty G-Dawg his self. Cheers!!
Leelee: HA...edge-a-mecational. You must be related to Dubya. Enjoy your extended Easter weekend Lee. Cheers!!
wash your mouth out..I am in no way related to Dubya...oh god the thought of it...
:-{}~~~~~~~~~~~
oh and thanks for the weekend wishes.. :-)
Leelee: Of course I meant that in a "my tongue in your cheek way." Have a great time. Cheers!!
mirrors and a giant disco ball
It must have been all the "OH MY GAWD's" that attracted them to my bedroom!
Leighann: I don't think it was your bedroom. These mirrors were on the walls, not the ceiling. Cheers!!
;-)
King Herod in a can? OMG. You know way, way, too much about the bible. LMAO
Leelee: ; )
Winter: Well what's not to like? Ya got animal sacrifice, incest, hookers, and violence. It's a fun read. Cheers!!
If the J-Man was so great why would he allow somebody like Bill O'Reilly to exist?
ah....The Book of Menus. you are dreaming night and day of meat aren't ya Mateo?
your interpretaion of the gospel never ceases to crack me up...I quote you all the time.
Jay: Because J-Man and G-Dawg both have a twisted and sardonic sense of humor. They are some funny Mo-Foes. Cheers!!
Kat: Ha. Thanks. Oh, Holy Week gets better.
I have more historical insight to pass on tomorrow. Cheers Kat!!
Hah. I love learning me religous history from here. But did you have to throw in a pic of Bill O'Reilly during St. Patricks hangover Tuesday? He looks like Bill O'Rolly to me. What's he keep in that chin bag? Satan?
I wait in joyful hope for the remainder of your Holy Week lessons.
I can hardly wait for the rest of the week - make it come faster!
VE: Ha. Chin Bag. Funny. His chin is holding the ego that won't fit atop his big, empty head. Cheers!!
Songbird: Am I sensing some sarcasm dear? Cheers!!
GB: That's the first time that a woman as ever said that to me. Cheers!!
Sarcasm? FROM ME?! Never. I'm just quoting memorable words from the beloved Catholic liturgy. To illustrate my glee, you know, and to prove how I live a Christ-centered life.
*grin*
Songbird: That is so very Christ-Like of you. You, my friend, are the new Mother Teresa. Cheers!!
Well, I'm the mother of sumpthin' all right. So, Mattsiah, how DO you get the sauce out of the clam????
Songbird: Well, me personally, I use my tongue. Cheers!!
Holyhell dude, I'm cracking up here...and I've got to say, it's nice to know that JC had manners - wasn't he in NSync? ;-)
Tug: Hiya Tug. Thanks!! I dunno if he was 'N Sync, but I do know that he spent some time 'N Synagogue. Cheers!!
"Dung" O'Reilly is right!!!
Peace
Odat: That was probably the most accurate line of the post. Cheers!!
I just finished up my own bit of holy preparation...three days of blog fasting!
Good to catch up on your wackiness!
What's wrong with O'Reilly? You need all the wackos Matt-Man...All of them on both sides of the fence. It just wouldn't be any fun any other way.
I'll be so glad when you get some meat into your system again. What's on the menu? I can't wait to hear about you overdosing on meat. I did that once in my younger years, but that's quite a different story. Have a great day. :)
Jeff: Good to see you back. I hope your trip went as well as those things can be. Cheers!!
Sandee: I just said he is an asshole, I would never want Billy's unintentional humor to go away.
Not sure what is on the menu yet. It'll be ugly no matter what. Cheers!!
How do you know where I keep my mirrors mister??
Leighann: Oh c'mon. When you hear the bushes rustling outside your bedroom window, you don't think it's the wind do you? Cheers!!
King Herod in a can. You kill me.
Pizza. Pizza.
Mo: Oh just you wait Mo. It gets much more blasphemous and juvenile as the week goes on. Cheers!!
Hey Mr Sidewalk Thanksgiving Man : )
So the anchovy hating dude hung out frequently @ the Tobacco & Hookah Shoppe, huh?! I can't even tell you how many times I've wondered this myself! ; ) So thanks for settin us all straight!
Holy heck- U R the frickin funniest guy ever! For reals! I'm seriously addicted to you now, I think! See what you've done to me!? ; 0
Smile: Why Thank You Very Much. Your addiction is an example of Divine Intervention. God brought you to me.
BTW, I still have scars from the sidewalk. Cheers!!
Matt-Man, you always make me feel so cleansed after I visit. I mean, spiritually, of course.
I know the answer to where the terminolgy of Jeebus came from. It was started by the Bees. Or atleast that is what I learned while watching The Bee Movie over the weekend. But when you say it Matt, it just makes me tingle all over.
I think the Holy Week does something to you... it turns you on doesn't it?
Wow! Thanks for setting it straight for the world to know Matt-Man.
Those three missing days of Holy Week [always did wonder]
The Last Hookah!
Kyra: And who couldn't use a cleansing? Cheers!!
Jahooni: It turns me on more than the mohel when he first saw John Holmes' foreskin. Cheers!!
Micky: There is more to come my friend. Cheers!!
And the Lord said..."Let there be anchovies, because hairy fish is the way to roam"
Put that in a can with a turnkey opener and see what happens
Bond: That wasn't too bad at all. You must be feeling better. Cheers!!
Holy shit in a handgrenade.
Absurdist: Is that a comment of approval? Cheers!!
So tell me, in this Book of Menus of which you speak...are the Chinese, French, and Italian chapters written in Latin?
Travis: Of course...That's where we get Egg Fu Publius and other dishes like Fortune Cookius. Cheers!!
OMFG, i love that comic. and b00bs, but jesus comics are the ultimate. i figure IF he's real, those comics are funny enough to go to hell for.
Tequila: I hope so. I love HOT weather. Cheers!!
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