Another Friday here in Bagwine, Ohio and another return of the dreaded “White Death”. It appears that a late winter storm is going to blanket our area in a snow sewn, ivory foulard.
The people around here will also cover me in an irritating rash of “Oh My God, It’s Like I Have Never Seen Snow Before” stupidity.
We are supposed to get at least 10 inches along with lots o’ blowin’…or to put that into a more human perspective:
That would be equivalent to me hosin’ a chick at least 5 times inside of a wind tunnel.
We are all set here at the Bagwine Manor…
We’ve plenty of beer, Bagwine, and smokes. I am going to make up some Black Bean Burgers today as well.
The only wrench in my preparedness is that school is still open and the snow is supposed to start around Noon.
I can picture Ryno getting released early and me having to fetch him.
That will force me to go out and trek to his school…braving the elements and the rapidly decreasing IQ of other drivers.
I swear to God people...
If I get stuck behind a car going 10 mph and there is a Jesus fish on the back of the vehicle, that driver is going to meet his or her maker sooner that they thought.
Yep, that’s one of the reasons that we call it, “White Death”.
I love the snow, but the ubiquitous jackassedness of others sometimes takes the fun out of Mother Nature’s meteorological mayhem.
Hell, even my beloved Inky and Lola are a bit worried. Some of you may remember what happened to poor Inky earlier this winter…
Well, that’s all I have today, my friends. Please pray for me, and stay in contact with me throughout these trying times.
If my batteries hold up, I will make sure to take pictures of the climatological carnage that is knock, knock, knockin' on Matt-Man's door.
Enjoy your Friday, and I will be in touch throughout the weekend…God Willing.
Cheers!!
73 comments:
Black bean burgers and ivory foulard? It seems you're being a bit politically incorrect - you've left out red, yellow and light brown folks!
Dana: Evidently I still have my huge organ on my mind. Cheers Dana!!
snow sewn, ivory foulard. Nicely said.
Don't forget to get your bread and milk and eggs. Oh please when have you been in a storm where the roads aren't opened up shortly after its completion. I think it's a conspiracy by the dairy and poultry business to sell more product.
Lu: We have plenty of eggs, after all, if I am snowed in with Schmoop, I'll need plenty of protein.
As for the milk...I had to throw it all so I could make room for extra beer and wine. Cheers!!
You think you have trouble with bad drivers...
Whe it RAINS here in the sunshine state..all the people (who obviously live in another state where there is never any precipitation whatsoever) COMPLETELY lose their ability to navigate through the streets here...and if they were driving 25 (in a 50 mph zone) on a beautiful sunny day...the rain has reduced the speed to 12.
Sounds like you've got all you need to get through the weekend...have fun..go sledding! I would
:-)
HUGS!!
Soo much snow this year! Is Ohio going to break record snowfalls this year? Pretty sure New Hampshire is, 140 something inches![in a past life I lived there]
Here in the TN Valley, not even enough to cover the lawn this year. They are hinting for some this weekend, let it come!
Beware driving amongst idiots in the snow.
Leelee: Rain does the same thing here as well. Even though we get 1,000 inches a year. Fucktards.
Sledding? I could lay a hot snowbabe face up on a sled, hop on top of her, and go for a wintry ride. Thanks for the idea. Cheers!!
Micky: No record this year. We have had quite a few piddly snows, but if predictions are correct, this will be our first major one of the year. Cheers!!!
I also hate people who freak out about the a little snow. Unless you live in San Diego or the Florida Keys you are not allowed to act like you never saw snow before.
Beer! I knew there was something I didn’t have on hand in case I’m snowed in! Of course, I do have a well-stocked wine cellar.
Karen: Hey There Karen. I guess it stems from ancient, still-existing DNA that was prevalent back when the Earth was tropical. Cheers!!
Nick: Well then you are set. Wine trumps beer, whether it's snowing or not. Cheers!!
Now THAT sounds like fun!
HUGS!
Leelee: Indeed it does. Grope Grope Grope. Cheers!!
You're having snow down thar??? Wow. We're supposed to have a really bad rain storm here....flooding and stuff....I'd rather snow. Yeah up here everyone buys up all the milk when it snows...can't get any when I go...I wonder now that the prices are so high the same thing will happen? Well enjoy your snow snuggling, beer drinking and black bean eating day!
Peace
Odat: Have a great weekend Odat. Enjoy your rain. Cheers!!
I plan on being in touch with myself several times over the next few days.
That should keep you warm.
Leighann: You know just how to warm my cockles. Cheers!!
Should I brag and say that it will be sunny and...69 degrees here today? See, even the weather here is thinking of you.
Songbird: I don't mind you bragging since you did throw in that lovely temperature report. 69makes my mercury rise. Cheers!!
Slip sliding away!
Roger: Sing it, Mr. Simon. Cheers Roger!!
It snowed here last night. They told us to expect 9" but we only got about 3". Now I know how disappointed a lot of girls feel. Getting all excited for the big one and it turns out to be kinda small.
Jay: That's one benefit about staying with just one woman. After awhile, their expectations don't exceed the cruel mistress that is reality...
Happy Birthday To You...You are only 3 years behind me now. Cheers!!
I can relate Matt. And I live in CANADA - you know - the place they call the Great White North? So why are our drivers always surprised when the stuff falls? Stupidity abounds and I can guaran-damn-tee we're gonna have at LEAST a hundred accidents on our highways alone (and that's just in Toronto).
SIGH - if it wasn't for the fact I have to work this weekend, I'd be hibernating with my good friends Jose Curevo, and the CSI Vegas team for a marathon.
SMOOCHES and good luck!
Angell: It is amazing that people still freak out. Why can't people stay home if they can't drive in the white stuff?
Tell Jose I said Hi next time you see him. Mmmmwha, and Cheers!!
In honor of your bearing of the organ yesterday and the approach of the end of Lent, I have found the perfect way for you to celebrate. Given women's fondness for chocolate all sorts of ideas are possible.
Chocolate Hats
I don't understand why the weather brings out the morons. Everyone I meet here in SoCal is from some frozen state. However, when it rains here, or even gets foggy, they suddenly have no idea whatsoever how to drive in it. You'd think they were the CA native not me. I can drive in the snow and ice though. Spent every in WA from birth to 25. Salt on the road is hard to forget.
It's gonna be hotter than 69 here. The temp outside is supposed to be warm too. Happy snowbound Friday Matt!
At least you live in a place that has an inkling of an idea what to do when it snows. If you get more than half an inch in England the whole country shuts down.
Jamie: Why thank you...I'll check that link out shortly. Happy Friday, and Cheers!!
Winter: Thanks and enjoy the 69. The roads are getting shitty here already. Cheers!!
Boy: And to think that they once ruled a ginormoous Empire. Cheers Boy!!
Have you seen the Los Angeles folks try and drive when it drizzle...even just a little?
GB: No I haven't, but I can imagine it is a Horror Show. Ya miss the Ohio winters, dontcha? Okay, maybe not. Cheers!!
We got some flurries in El Paso while I was living there and the whole city went ape shit because they had no idea what to do. It was weird but I guess when you live in the desert.... I can let the weirdness slide that time.
Be safe, be careful and keep a close eye on Inky so there aren't any more disasters!!! He can't afford to lose much else for the sake of snowmen.
I feel so compelled to warn you and Starr in case either of you stop by that today's post is NOT making fun of Hillary... it's making fun of Kim Jong Il. Everyone should make fun of that douche!
Have a great weekend, Matt-Man!
That white death fellow looks like a grand wizard or something. Maybe he's going to put a frozen cross on our lawns ;D
I have this vision of you behind a dog sled team heading to school. Your organ is strapped to the sled and the black bean burgers are helping propel you up the hill. I'm glad global warming has hit your area though. You should invite Gore over for a snowball roll...
ps - The West Side story parody part 3 is out there!
Kyra: The bottom line in all of this is that people are enately STUPID!!
I'll be by to read your non-Hillary post. Enjoy and Cheers!!
Hammer: That's the Winter Warlock from "Santa Claus is Coming to Town", Hammer.
Ha...I never thought of him being in the Klan, but he does have that look. Cheers!!
It's a fricken nightmare going into a grocery store before a storm - I am sure you've experienced the absolute madness that takes place.
I hope you make it out alive buddy!!! We're getting blasted with thunderstorms later tonight into tomorrow...
Cheers!!! Have a great weekend!
VE: I like your vision. How 'bout if I add the Swedish Bikini Team to the mix. I'll be by soon Mr. Broadway. Cheers!!
Deb: It is always so good to see you. Purrrr. Oh the pre-storm Grocery Freaks...Un-Effing-Believeable.
Continued success on your weight loss and better luck holding onto your money in the process. Cheers!!
Keep Inky away from those kids! You never know what other appendages may be needed. Is that what happened to the twig and berries?
Metal: The Inkster isn't the luckiest Stick Figure in the world, is he? I'll watch out for him. Cheers!!
Ten inches works for me Matt-Man. I wouldn't be complaining.
I do feel sorry for the Jesus freak(s) if he/she is out today driving a mere 10MPH.
Just snuggle up with Schmoopie and give her your 10 inches. Have a great day and weekend Matt-Man.
Sandee: I lucked out; I don't have to venture out. Did you hear that? That was the sound of a twist off cap on a fifth of Wild Irish Rose. Cheers Sandee!!
Blogger ate my comment!
I love snow. I hate Oregon Snow and I want to annihilate Oregonians during snowy times.
Starr: Blogger has had some major issues today.
Ha...I like the snow too, but I know what you mean.
And even though we get a fair amount, is still seems oddly foreign to some around here. Cheers!!
I heard the twisting of that cap all the way down here in Memphis, where a flurry or two sends the populace into a tizzy and white bread becomes a form of monetary compensation
Bond: I can imagine. We are fricking getting hammered pretty good as I speak. Cheers!!
That stick figure is hot.
Mt. Cat: Lola is one hot babe. I drew her to match up with my fantasies. Big Hair, Big Tits, but I could use a little more ass. Cheers!!
I went to the store before the hoards descended. I can't believe I actually had to buy milk LOLOL
We are supposed to get ten inches--but considering that all the forecasters are guys I have no doubt my vehicle will be able to travers th five inch snowfall.
I did abuse a cute little liquor store clerk into going into the 'back room' to get me some B & B--hehehe
TB: We are getting it pretty good right now. Snowin' and a Blowin'. What exactly did you promise that Liquor Store clerk?...Lucky Clerk. Cheers!!
i bought some of your goodies, do you personally deliver the items? ;)~
Jahooni: I hope you bought a thong. Mmmmmmmm. I would personally deliver those, and make sure it fit just right. Purrrrr. Cheers!!
omg that is such a coincidence Jahoooooooni..I was looking at the merchandise too. I was actually looking for lola and inky stuff..you should add those Matt!
actually i bought the boxers and tank top for pajamas. now i think boxers are sexy on chicks (well me)
leelee,
buy some stuff and we can all meet for a threesome! ;)~
Leelee: Yes I should. That has been mentioned before. In the meantime, my thongs are nice, AND American Made. Cheers!!
Jahooni: Good Idea...I'll make sure those boxers fit as well. And after that, if I find that they do, I'll rip them off of both of you and Leelee with my teeth...
Settle Down Matty...Setttle Down..
Okay, I think I'm fine now. Woooo. Cheers!!
oh this day keeps on getting better Jahooooni!
I do like an American Made thong..in fact..I prefer them!
Leelee: And I love seeing a Hot American Woman wearing one. Cheers!!
Man, I wish we had a little bit of that action coming our way. I mean, I love staying indoors as much as the next guy, but at least if I were snowed in, I wouldn't feel so damn guilty about it. lol
Allie: Ha...You are so correct. It gives one an opportunity to be lazy without any guilt. You are so Ohioan. By the way, we had Cassano's last night. Cheers!!
Allie: By the way...It was delicious!!
Oh, it's colder than a witches tit here!!!
you think snow drivers are stupid...you should see the tourists...
stay safe and warm mateo
Kat: Let's try this again, since Blogger is a puke...I am glad you stopped by, and I know what you are saying about tourists...They come to see our shanties all of the time.
What is this? The Pearl Buck museum? Cheers!!
In mourning of your white death, I think I will go to the beach for you Matt!!
Cheers to ya ;o)
Jillie: Ya know, why do you rub it in?
On second thought, I guess you rubbin' it in would be sweet. Cheers!!
Is a black bean burger like a vegitarian loose meat sammich?
are you snowed in yet?
Wahoo, commenter number 69.
Bada bing!
Why does Lola have boobs and Inky no penis? Or is it just reaaaally small so we can't see it?
Travis: I mash the beans and then shape it into a pattie. Quite dee-lish. Cheers!!
Jahooni: Indeed. I am headed out to take pictures....With a huge hangover. Cheers!!
Jeff: WHORE!!
DB: Because Lola is my fantasy and Inky is my reality. Cheers!!
Absurdist: Is that wrong? I bundle them up to three in a response if I catch them at the same time.
I apologize for the personal attention given to my wunnerful readers. Cheers!!
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