Happy Cinco de Mayo to all.Today is a day of Mexican celebration, and one all Americans should be thankful for as well.
What does Cinco de Mayo commemorate?
Well, let me give you a history lesson and explain.
In 1862, Napoleon III, Emperor of France, had sent troops to Mexico to install a puppet government.
This army of well supplied French soldiers had planned on attacking Mexico City. It was not to be.
When word of this plan spread, a gang of 43 young Mexicans decided to take on the French army.
This gang had been formed after the evil Gadsden Purchase of 1853. These brave gang members were known as The Franklin Piercers.
So, The 43 FP’ers crammed into a single horse drawn wagon and headed to meet the French at the city of Puebla.
Armed only with switchblades, unbridled courage, and mariachi music, these warriors defeated the mighty French army…
May 5, 1862.
I am glad those guys thwarted the French, because had they not, things today would be much worse here in the States.
For instance, all of those illegals swimming across the Rio Grande to come here would be French!!
Can you imagine having your lawn and garden kept up by a half dozen French guys? Oh, dear God…
They would be complaining about the heat, the pay, and the crooked mow lines on the fescue. And God forbid if you offer them tap water to drink…
They would demand Perrier!!
Of course on the upside, in spite of their hairy armpits, the Hotel maids would be much hotter. But anyway…
There would be no Mexican fast food chains. Instead, Main Street U.S.A. would be littered with places called Crepe-O Bell.
Am I going to go to a place like that stinkin' drunk at 2 A.M., and order the Pollo Puff Pastry Supreme with currants and bleu cheese? Je ne le fuckin' pense pas.
Just think…If one of these illegals stopped me to ask for directions, my entire response would be different.
Instead of the fluid, lilting sounding reply, “No Habla Espanol.” I would have to say, “I don’t speak French, you pretentious bastard.”
Hell, even history would be forever altered.
Instead of being known for his brazen, anti-hero exploits, Pancho Villa would be known for his over powering serve as he won the 1912 French Open on the clay courts of Avignon.
So Sad…
So on this Cinco de Mayo, take time out to hug an illegal Mexican and thank them for not being French.
Just make sure to keep one hand on your wallet when you do so.
I have a new Blog-Fo-Mercial© for you all tomorrow. See ya then.
Cheers!!
56 comments:
LOLOLOL!!
Proving our point--YES funny trumps all!!
TB: Ha. Damn straight it does!! Happy Cinco de Mayo and Cheers!!
great lesson....
"So on this Cinco de Mayo, take time out to hug an illegal Mexican and thank them for not being French."
Gold Jerry...gold
HUGS!!
Happy Cinco de Mayo Matty! Loved the story of this Wonderful Celebration! Gonna hafta get me some Mexican Beef today! ;-)
Smiles,
Kimmie
Crepe-o-Bell would have a French Poodle as a spokesdog!!!!! OMG!
Peace
Leelee: Ha. You slay me. Cheers Lee!!
Kimmie: Be careful, it could be horsemeat. Cheers!!
Odat: Ha. Damn, I should have thought of that. Cheers!!
As the local Mexican I'm not sure if I should laugh or be offended. Happy Cinco de Mayo!
Lady Jaye: I think it's possible to do both. Happy Cinco de Mayo. Cheers!!
Hahaha Happy Cinco de Mayo!
Roger: Right back at ya Roger. Cheers!!
Ewwwwww! Thanks alot Matt! Now you grossed me out! :^(
I guess iwill stick to chicken instead!
Kimmie: Horse tastes like chicken. Cheers!!
A pleasant fifth day of Mayo to you Matt-Man. Thanks for spreading the humor to be sandwiched between my morning coffe and granola bar; no baloney :)
Lu: Coffee AND a Granola bar? You are living on the edge Lu. Cheers to ya!!
This is why I love your blog. I learn so much. It's like...the Discovery Channel of the blogosphere.
Oh...but with nudity!
Mr. Fab: Ha. What would education be without nudity? Just another boring lecture. Cheers!!
I'm still wondering why the HUGE celebration over defeating the French ... like that's anything special ...
¡Tiempo Del Partido!
Dana: I know, it would be like the U.S. having a day to celebrate our victory in Grenada. Time to party, indeed. Cheers Dana!!
yeah but...then we would only have to travel as far as Tijuana to see the Eifel Tower! How cool would that be?...and we stop and scarf down some escargot tamales! Vive la Flan!!!!!!!!!
Phfrankie: True, but they'd probably want to use the Euro, driving the cost of weed and hookers way up. Cheers!!
I could have beaten the French with a Cub Scout troop carrying only their BB Guns. But, that's okay cause I love the Mexican people.
When I lived in San Antonio I celebrated Cinco de Mayo at The Wild Zebra strip club. I hugged many illegals there and congratulated their ancestors on their stirring victory back in the day. It was $10 lap dance and .50 cent tequila shots day. ;-)
Jay: Ha. I would love to go party in San Antonio. Fifty cent tequila shots? Enough of those and I would have gladly paid 100 bucks for a lap dance. Cheers!!
Ok, maybe the Mexicans are better than the French. I do love me a Cadillac Margarita after all. Champagne. Meh. Not so much. Odat was priceless on the poodle comment.
Happy Fifth of Tequila day! Eat a pink taco~~~
Winter: I love Champagne. I would drink it everyday if it weren't so expensive. Cheers!!
Cheesy: Mmmmmmm pink tacos. Love 'em, especially if they're Cheesy. Cheers!!
Great and funny history recap. You should teach history. You know, it would have been more than a gang of 43 young Mexicans if the rest weren't already moving lawns up North in the Hamptons...
Listened in last night. You done good. I'm a hetero female but I think that Turnbaby has a sexy giggle. I am of course, jealous.
I live pretty close to Little Mexico so my Cinco De Mayo will involve staying inside and avoiding stray celebratory bullets.
Happy week to ya.
Jen
VE: Funny? It's all true!! Thanks VE. Keep the hits a -comin', yourself. Cheers!!
Jen: Thanks and yes she does. I don't mind stray celebratory bullets, they're much better than ones shot with evil intent. Cheers Jen!!
I have learned so much more from your history lessons than I ever did with my fancy public schoolin'.
"I don't speak French you pretentious bastard." was the first phrase I learned in French class.
Je ne le fuckin' pense pas.
You continue to amaze me. I agree with you - I mean, last night's dinner would have been so much crappier without my giant $5 margarita in honor of Cinco de Mayo.
Knight: Ha. Did you get an "A" for your quick pick up of the language? Cheers Knight!!
Songbird: Indeed it would have. Margaritas make everything better. Kinda like vodka does. Cheers!!
Oh you're cracking me up - good stuff!
There are PLENTY down this far south, so I'll try to thank an illegal today and let you know how it goes! lol
Happy Cinco de Mayo! :)
Covert: Why thanks. And you "crack" me up everytime I see your picture. Let me know and Cheers CL!!
But...but what about french kissing??
Oh yeah - we have that anyway. ;-)
Happy Cinco de Mayo (Hellman's, or Mattman's) Matt!
Tug: Well that is a good point. Now, would you like a little Mattnaisse on your Tug Sandwich? Cheers!!
I am a bit ravenous, how did you know? Bring on the protien.
Tug: You are so health conscious. High in protein, low in calories...and FUN. Cheers!!
Bwahahahahaha. I don't know what would be worse. Really. I ain't hugging no Mexican either! I ain't that grateful. Bwahahahahaha. Have a great day Matt-Man. :)
Sandee: Well, I personally would never turn down a hug, no matter whom it was from. Hugs are just as good coming from someone who isn't of my "social caste".
Yeah, health conscious enough that I miss being able to eat bacon cheeseburgers and then working them off every night... ;-)
Have-o mucho pesos for tequila por favor? How about-o Dos Ecces? I cannot drink the agua today!!!
Tug: I'll make ya a BCB and then we can do some Matt-Er- Cisizing. ; ) Cheers!!
Metal: HA. We talk like that all the time around here. That struck me funny. Cheers-O!!
Armed only with switchblades, unbridled courage, and mariachi music, these warriors defeated the mighty French army
If I was Mexican I'd be some proud of that day!
Love your history lessons, there so,........bona fide.
Micky: Ha. I love that phrase, "Bona Fide". Cheers Mick!!
OMG, Love it. I'm going to forward this to all my friends that are still living in Phoenix and bitching about "all the Mexicans".
Talisman: Ha, thanks. By all means do so. Happy Cinco de Mayo, and Cheers!!
Hey! You wanna know what else goes great with Cinco de Mayo besides chips and salsa?? Latin Music!The best I can suggest goes by the name of Trio Caliente.
www.myspace.com/acmrecords
Their music is festive and full of energy. If you're having any celebrations today bump their single "Baila Me"
HAPPY Cinco de Mayo!!!!!!
Anon: Thanks for the tip, but I think I'll just jam to some old Menudo tunes. Cheers!!
Matt, I'm sending your link to a fellow who's been complaining to me about illegal aliens. I'm sure he would really get ticked off if our "undocumented" brothers and sisters were French! Ha!
Teach: The French le suck. Cheers Mary!!
Happy Cinco De Mayo to you also!! Thanks for stopping by!! I cannot wait to see your New Blog-Fo-Mercial!! I love them!!
Toodles
Had the French of won the battle, then maybe there would be a giant sombrero as a monument in the New York harbor instead of the
Satue of Liberty.
Cinder: Thanks for stopping by. Happy Cinco de Mayo, and Cheers!!
Travis: That's my favorite sound. Cheers!!
Jeff: The Statue of Libertad. Cheers Jeff!!
Not a single Dirty Sanchez comment in that post?! Matt, Matt, Matt....
Oh I wish there were Crepe-O-Bells!!! That sounds divine!
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