I worked my job at the Drive-Thru beverage store yesterday, wearing my favorite T-Shirt.I like it there. I get to sell things that I really like…beer, smokes, and of course, Bagwine!!
Being the full service operation that we are, we also carry pop and snacks.
The people who drive through our place are always cordial and appreciative, and I joke around with them.
Sometimes, my humor gets mixed reviews; as with a lady I waited on yesterday. The conversation went like this:
Matt: Hi, what may I get for you?
Lady: Do you have Tahitian Treat?
Matt: No ma’am, we don’t. We do have Hawaiian Punch.
Lady: Oh nooooo, Tahitian Treat is much better. Why do you carry Hawaiian Punch and not, Tahitian Treat?
Matt: It’s cheaper for us to fly to Hawaii and get the punch than it is to sail to Tahiti and get the treat.
Lady: What? (blank stare) Oh…um…do you have newspapers?
Matt: No, ma’am. (thinking to myself…Hellooooo, look around lady, Beer and Wine, not Barnes and Noble’s)
Lady: Well, you should.
Matt: Oh I don’t know…After all, no news is good news!!
Lady: You think you are funny, don’t you?
Matt: Yes ma’am, on occasion. Is there anything that I can get for you?
Lady: What does that shirt you are wearing mean…“You make stuff, Up?” What things do you make up??
Matt: I dabble in creating folk art out of wood shavings, Styrofoam, bronze, sometimes I make mystical animal figurines from Ohio River clay.
Lady: Really?
Matt: Ha. No. It implies that I lie frequently.
Lady: Hmmmmm. Well, do you?
Matt: Well, let’s say just say that this whole time, we really do have Tahitian Treat.
Lady: Really?
Matt: No, I’m lying.
Lady: (shaking head) I’ll have a Diet Pepsi.
Matt: Alrighty, that’ll be a dollar thirty eight.
Lady: Here, honey, keep the change, and get some new material.
She handed me a five, chuckled, and drove off.
I got both a smile and a $3.62 tip for a 45 second comedy routine…not bad work if you can get it.
Cheers!!
68 comments:
THAT is funny as hell!
The real world and real people.
Oh shoot, I forgot what your shirt says. LOL
LOL I'm totally driving to Bagwine now and coming through your drive-through. I want the full comedy routine and an interpretive dance.
Micky: I hope to work there for awhile. I like the job and it's full of story potential. Cheers Mick!!
LadyJaye: If you go to all of the trouble of coming here, I'll even do the dance completely nekkid. Cheers LJ!!
If the comedy fails you, you could always open the first Bagwine Tahitian Treat Bar and Newspaper Stand!
Dana: You my dear, always figure a way to create a niche and corner the market. Brilliant. Cheers!!
One thing you can say about working at a liquor store is that there is plenty of story fodder there. I worked in one for 2 years and it could be a regular riot, especially as this is a college town.
The things kids will do to try to buy alcohol, yes I am the mean bitch who actually carded people.
I love that shirt, I need one for Husband Bear. Where do I find one????
Sassy: I think I got the shirt at Target. And heck, I card people all the time. Cheers!!
I guess it would have been over the top to give her your Tahitian Treat, huh?
Bond: It just wouldn't have been the same since I wasn't wearing my grass skirt. Cheers!!
She called you honey and gave you a big tip. You truly DO have a way with the ladies.
Dianne: Oh yeah, I'm just a Bagwine gigolo. I hope your weekend was a pleasant one. Cheers Di!!
Some people just don't get it do they? Well at least you got a big tip!!!! (do you?) hehe.
Peace
Love love LOVE the shirt!
Odat: A thousand more like that and I'll consider it a good week. Cheers!!
Cheesy: Ha. And it suits me so well. Cheers!!
I would have reached thru the window and smacked you.
Kat: I find that rather arousing. Sweet. Cheers Kat!!
I've never even considered tipping the guy at the drive through. I have tipped the car hops at Sonic though. Well, I tip the young cute ones, the old hags just get a "have a nice day."
Okay, I'm kidding. I give all of them tips. I just give the young cute ones bigger tips.
Anyway, I practiced my stand up routine when I delivered pizzas back in college. Turns out not everyone has a sense of humor. Weird huh?
No wonder you love your job. It suits you so well. Who needs a night club when you can appear at your local drive-thru beer store?
Jay: Maybe they liked your humor, but just didn't care for your sauce. At least that's how I would rationalize it. Cheers!!
Songbird: Matt-Man, doing a show four nights a week and all day Sunday. It is great to be living in Bagwine, Ohio...The Vegas of the Midwest. Cheers!!
Oh Matty, what passes for humor these days makes the Baby Jesus weep. Not yours, mind you. Your humor is stellar. But man, at that concert last night? Seriously, the human genome is in dire need of of a douche :P
Starr: Ha. You always manage to crystalize my thoughts in a way I have difficulty doing. One, big Human Race doucheing...I like that!! Cheers!!
Your drive through is the only one I want to go through, baby!
Leighann: I am always open and ready to serve. Rowwwrrrr. Cheers!!
This may be one of my favorite posts of all time. Short, simple and full of full on belly laughs. Damn I wish I could have been there to see the look of wonder on her face.
Hrmm....I was gonna make a joke bout MANsongil Douche but the image of Marilyn Manson between my legs just knocked me off my chair.
I hate when I scar myself =(
I cannot believe you get heckled at your drive through job. LOL.
Jeff: Ha. I liked it too. Even Schmoop laughed out loud and she doesn't find me funny at all. Cheers Jeff!!
Starr: Ooooo. I think I just threw up a little bit. Cheers!!
Karen: Isn't that the shits? I should pull a Seinfeld on her and go heckle her at HER workplace. Cheers!!
It speaks to a certain level of self loathing :P
Now don't get me wrong, I love Marilyn. He's super bright and very funny and I dig his music. But I am not into him in a do me way. Just a wee bit skeevy.
Starr: Yet another thing we have in common, I have a bit of self-loathing myself.
He may be all that, but of course, in a sexual way, he can't hold a candle to Marilyn Matt-Son. ; )~ Cheers Starr!!
You just made me violate the "Nice Girls Swallow" rule by making me spit coffee on my keyboard :P
Starr: Ha. I will write this day down. And by the way, Blogger is a real pisser today. Cheers!!
Blogger is a BJ given by a girl in braces with loose wires today if you ask me...
Someone did ask, didn't they?
Wow Bond and I are on the same wavelength. I just said that Blogger is as tired as an asthmatic hooker at 4am on a Sunday.
Bond: Ouch...however, I do kinda like the thought of scar tissue on my wanker. It's kinda manly. Cheers!!
I love Tahitian Treat! Can't find it around here tho. The shirt and the routine were pretty funny too. I know I can always count on you for a laugh!
Starr: Being on the same wavelength with Vinny, is like agreeing with Mussolini that Ethiopians need a "new direction". Cheers!!
Winter: Well, come thorugh anytime, I'll give ya something free. ; ) Cheers!!
Oh Nos!
Poor Bond :P
OMG!!! I wanna clone you and put the clones to work in every store in Dutchyland!!! Yay!
OK, I know you love to give me crap on him dude (you told me so)...but then you better consider me for a COW soon...cause some of my comments do rock...
And you are the one wishing for scars on your wan (not big enough to be called a wanker) - dude...that is just so wrong...
DB: Be careful what you wish for...Can you imagine several of me roaming the streets of Amsterdam? Cheers!!
Bond: Say something funny for once and the COW is all yours. Cheers!!
That was so great...the fact that she was a hard sell made it funnier--you're just magical, Matt.
I love your t-shirt, it's so you.
I'm still holding out that you actually have some Tahitian Treat in the back...
Good stuff...you're comedy routine too!
Hey, Blogger is telling me your web page could be a scam, Proceed with Caution!
Hell, I do that everyday, just like everyone else!
This is AWESOME!! You were HECKLED at work!!
It's always worth it to make people laugh.
Cheers!
Jo: Isn't it though. Eh, I think she actually liked me. Chers Jo!!
VE: I always figured you were a South Pacific, breadfruit kinda guy. Cheers!!
Micky: Seriously? Copy the message and send it to me if you can. Cheers Mick!!
TB: And you find that funny? I am crushed.Cheers TB!!
Hammer: Makin' somebody smile makes my day. Cheers Hammer!!
It's gone now, but it was a yellow banner at the top of the page, really! If [when] it comes back I'll try.
Micky: Thanks...Yeah, please send it if it comes up again. Cheers!!
I make stuff up too.
(see previous comment)
Dude, you slay me. Sounds like the perfect job for you - complete with a captive audience that you can keep hostage by withholding their beer until you've reached your punchline.
I ran the numbers and $3.62 for 45 seconds is the equivalent of $579,200 per year (based on 2000 hours per annum).
Sorry Matt, that was me, I messed up my comment. Geesh! So I will start over...
Hey Matt!
I think the little old lady was crushin' on you! She spent an awful lot of time chatting with ya'. I think you probably made her day. I guarantee she will be back just to see your smiling face and see what your next shirt says! LOL! ;-) You are a good guy, I am sure you made her happy by giving her some attention and Matt-Man humor.
Hugs,
Kimmie
I laughed my guts out! I'd comment more but I gotta go clean the guts up.
I think you need to get rid of the drive through and put on the grass skirt, coconut shell bra, and some roller skates - car hop it!
Very cool that you enjoy your job AND get Blog material. My favorite t-shirt is one that my 12 yr old has that says "Hangin' with my Gnomies" with gangsta gnomes on it. LOVE that T-shirt.
Your current material is fine, so use the tip to buy less than one gallon of gas.
Jen
This glimpse in to your day; excellent! HA! Aloha Ey.
Wow. She paid you to take her advice. Nice work if you can get it.
Cathy: You vixen, you. Cheers!!
Desert Rat: Hey that's not a bad haul for telling jokes to people preparing to get drunk. Cheers!!
Kimmie: I think she was just thirsty, and in need of someone to abuse. Cheers!!
Metal: I'm sorry for your splat attack. Use Bounty. Cheers!!
Tug: There's only one thing wrong with that plan...I can't skate. Cheers!!
Jen: I put it towards the purchase of my basest vice....cigarettes. Cheers!!
Lu: Aloha and pass the poi, Lu. Cheers!!
Travis: Ha. I guess she did do just that. Cheers Trav!!
All the more opportunity for your skirt to blow up.
;-)
Tug: Mmmmmm, and should a tropical storm flare up you can hide under my skirt. Cheers!!
I was here yesterday Matt but couldn't post a comment, blogger was messing up.
That sounds like a fun job and I hope you get some more big tips!
Roger: Tell me about it. Blogger had some real issues yesterday. I like the job just fine. Cheers Roger!!
I am loving your blog!
And your T-Shirt is a "must have".
You are funny!
I like that.
Liquid: Why thanks very much. I appreciate you reading and leaving a comment. Cheers to you!!
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