Man, I am getting a late start on this hot, sunny Friday.We are in a real pickle here at the Bagwine abode.
It’s been hot and will remain hot for the next few days…and the humidity, oh Dear God, the humidity!!
The air is moister and clammier than Rosie O’Donnell’s jock strap.
And guess what, Bagwine heads? Our A/C is not working. And does our apartment pick up any breeze from the outside? Hell, no.
As I type this at 8:04 A.M., the temp is already 77 and the humidity is at 75%. The high today? A balmy 93 degrees with continued sponge-like humidity.
I have sweat dripping from my nose hair as we speak. Something else has happened.
I have developed a heat rash along my ass crack. It is very irritating and painful.
The sensation is akin to the time that I had sex with a Chinese chef and she tried to stuff two heads of bok choy up my ass.
Let me tell you, that was not a dee-ricious experience. It was painful and flightening.
And last night, trying to sleep…ugh. It was like sleeping in a Swedish sauna. Well, okay, I don’t how that would actually feel.
Let’s see…okay it was like sleeping face down in a pile of steamy pig shit, on an August night, in the fields of a Mexican swine farm.
Now that, I do know something about!! Not good.
Sex was put on hold last night as well. Schmoop and I both were all sticky and sweaty.
Sticky and sweaty is good during and after sex, but PRIOR to sex? Um, not so much.
We thought about having shower sex, but the last time we did that we pulled the soap dish from the shower wall and broke the towel rack.
To avoid embarrassing queries from the maintenance man when he arrives today, we passed on the sex.
I have to head out in about an hour and take my little guy home after his B-Ball practice, so I’ll get a brief reprieve thanks to the A/C in the Bagwine Mobile.
Hopefully the A/C will have been fixed by then.
Happy Friday to you all…
Cheers!!
Update 11:33 A.M.: The maintenance guy was just here. We need a new compressor...He can't install it until Monday, so no A/C 'til then. Oh the Humanity!!
We are going to have to have sex in the shower after all, Schmoop!!
59 comments:
It's 100% humidity here, but it's all because of the damn rain.
Maybe you and Schmoop should do the nasty in the back seat of the Bagwine mobile.
OMG I'm totally first in commenting. Awesome. I do however feel your pain. It's 72 here already and is expected to get into the 90's. I'm not running my A/C right now because when I turn it on it causes a big leak on my floor. I will remedy this by going to a beer and bluegrass festival tonight.
Jeff: It would be a little cramped, but a good idea nonetheless. Thanks. Cheers!!
LadyJaye: Sorry to hear 'bout the leakage, but the B&B tonight sounds good.
And don't worry, you're always number one in my book...sorry Jeff. Cheers!!
...so I guess dry-humping is out...
Phfrankie: HA. I love you man. Cheers!!
Metal: Ha. Good one. So far everyone is on quite a roll today. Now pardon me while I lick your rash. Cheers!!
Somehow I feel a certain amount of comfort in knowing my position with you isn't on top.
You know how sometimes you read a post and you get stuck at a particular place?? I have developed a heat rash along my ass crack. It is very irritating and painful. The sensation is akin to the time that I had sex with a Chinese chef and she tried to stuff two heads of bok choy up my ass. did it for me!
I tried to keep reading, but when I envisioned you and Schmoop having shower sex, there was that damn bok choy up your ass. You picking Ryno up from b-ball?? Yep! Bok choy again!
Maybe I'll envision a little garlic sauce to help ease the bok choy out ...
OH I hate humidity......It's coming here tomorrow!!!
Lucky for me...I just installed three new A/C's!!!! Good thing too, I'm not ready for any rashes under or on any body parts....gotta put my bathing suit on soon!
Peace and stay cool.
Jeff: Fine, you can be on bottom. Cheers!!
Dana: Ha. Funny how you were STUCK on the bok choy. Because my friend, so was I...so was I. Cheers Dana!!
Odat: Yep it's all coming your way...While I sit here sweating, I will eagerly await the pics of you in your bathing suit. Cheers!!
I will enjoy my AC in your honor today!
My husband keeps sneaking it down to 68, my nipples will eventually freeze and fall off!
What is this AC you speak of? I have not had one of those for about seven years.
Please remember not to eat any bok choy the Chinese chef might try to serve you after play time.
Leighann: And what a sad day for the world that would be. Cheers!!
KNight: No A/C? You are far more adaptative than I. If I am served brownish colored bok choy, I'll say no thanks. Cheers Knight!!
Matt, You amaze me..you got all these words in one post...
Hot
Moister
Clammier
Sticky
Sweaty
Steamy
Swine and...
Sex
Applause, sounds like you are going to be makin' Bacon tonight! LOL! ;-)
Hugs,
Kimmie
It is disgusting outside and I could not imagine going through it without AC. Good Luck getting that fixed quickly.
Kimmie: With any luck things shall be frying...and not from the temps. Cheers!!
Karen: Me neither. And we are sending even more heat disgust your way. Cheers Karen!!
Great post! Ahhh, I remember the bathroom demolition well...please God, let the AC work tonite!!!
Yes, Turnbaby tells me it is unseasonably hot for this time of year. Luckily, being from FL, this is normal weather for me.
Kat: That is a good tongue twister. Jeff is such a whore. Cheers Kat!!
Schmoop: We were on a roll that night, or would that be a Hot Roll? No A/C yet, my dear. Cheers!!
Mr. Fab: It is a little early for this. Ususally, we get this late July thru August. Enjoy it!! Cheers!!
Our weather is the same as usual...50 something and rain...FOREVER! Ok, maybe only until after Independence day. I'm off to Belize in a week so it won't matter though...
VE: Good for you...Tell all of those Belizeans, that I said "Hi". Until then, enjoy all of your muck and mire. Cheers!!
Babe... I sent you an infomercial email... Good product for you...
Here it is cold and rainy but that ok with me as it is washing all the fluckin pollens out of the air! That and I leave on a jet plane tomorrow! Not sure what the weather in Toronto holds for me but I will be in a constant state of kanuk drunkeness so I DONT CARE!! weeeeeeeeeeeee
Cheesy: I got it and thanks dear!! I hope you have a safe, trouble free flight...and drink up, baby. Cheers Cheesy!!
Well it is 50 f*cking degrees here and rainy. Wanna trade? I loathe this state :P
And now thanks to you, I am gonna randomly have the words de-ricious and bok choy running through my head. That is how I woke kidlet up today. She answers the phone and I yell "Bok Choy!" She sends a virtual finger to you :P
Starr: I like the heat IF I have a place to go to in order to escape it when I feel like it. (Especially while trying to sleep)
Ha...Classic wake up call. The virtual flip off was well worth it. Cheers!!
Reminds of the summer of '05 when I called the air conditioning service. "Hello, XYZ Refrigeration, where it's a cool 77 degrees inside."
I replied with, "Hello, it's the Songbird Cage where it's 107 degrees inside, so get your ASSES over here and fix my A/C!"
Oh, and Jeff wants to be on the bottom so that he doesn't have to do the work. Lazy ass.
MONDAY?! Egads, no sex for you for a few days. Oh the horror!
Songbird: Oh there will be sex...I'll just tell the maintenance guy to bring a new towel rack and soap dish with him when he comes to fix the A/C. Cheers!!
Monday?!?! Gah
And dude I better get a comment from you sometime soon or I am gonna virtual bitch slap you :P
Dude, I can feel your pain - well, maybe not the "bok choy up my ass" kind of pain, but definitely the "sticky, sweaty, oh, God, I'm not gonna get laid tonight, am I?" kind of pain.
Completely off topic: I saw this ad and for some reason it made me think of you... I'm not entirely sure why... maybe because if ANYONE could get some mileage out of mocking it, it would be YOU!
http://www.uroclub.org/details.html
Starr: Yeah, it sucks. And as far as the comment I'll be by today or tomorrow...I have been way behind on everybody's blog. Ryno got out of school, and he, let's just say, got into some trouble. Cheers!!
Desert Rat: Ha...Very Good. I am intrigued and will check it out shortly. Thanks. Cheers!!
Oh, there will be sex!!! I'll get some effin fans!
Starr: I just went there. No, not his grades, although those were a bit off. Kinda a teenage boy kinda thing. He needs some Dad Time. Cheers!!
Schmoop: Ha. You soooooo rock. Loves and Cheers!!
All weekend hot and sweaty doesn't sound ALL bad, but under the circumstances I would be pretty darn tempted to spring for a hotel myself!
Oh and next time you break the soap dish or towel rack - just blame it on the kids. Always worked for me! :)
Covert: Yeah, I thought about that. Blamin it on the kids? The only kids here are 42 and 43 years old. Cheers!!
I just turned the air down a little bit here. Just thought I'd let you know that. I mean, there's no reason we should both be suffering, right?
Last time my air went out during the summer I just went down and hung out at the library all afternoon long with the homeless people.
I live in the Deep South. It was 100 yesterday. Today is predicted to be a much cooler 96. Did I mention the 74% humidity? If my AC didn't work, I'd move. Seriously, dude. Get a hotel. Make a weekend out of it.
Jay: Ha...Yeah wouldn't want ya to freeze Jay. You bastard. What do the homeless read? Cheers!!
Willthink: I think we can tough it out. If we stay drunk and naked, maybe we won't notice the heat. Cheers!!
After working out in the blazing sun with the humidity from 8 till 12:30 I arrive home and turned down the AC one degree from 78 to 77. Now after reading your post and comments let me turn the screw a little and tell you I'm going to turn it down some more. Tell you what, your about a 6 or 8 hour drive away, you and Schmoop come on down for the weekend and I'll turn it down even lower.
Bok choy. I am laughing soooo hard here. Weather's great here. 75, sunny, and humidity not high. I will pray that you have shower sex tho.
Micky: It's amazing that you can be so cruel and so nice in the same comment. Cheers Mick!!
Winter: I hate you. ; ) But thanks for the well wishes, dear. Cheers!!
I can't deal with sweating. It just irritates me! Thankfully my AC is working, sorry yours isn't.
Can you guys go to one of those delicious no-tell motels? They're cheap - and the rates ain't bad either.
You could even dress up and make believe you don't know each other.
I love hot stranger sex.
Did I over share?
Dianne: HA. Why is that I like you more everytime you comment? Woo Hoo. Have a great weekend and Cheers!!
I think we got to 70 today if we got that lucky. Cool and rainy all day. yucky
Spin: I am sorry 'bout that, but right now, I'd take that!! Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Cheers!!
For the record, I prefer "Lazy fucking slut", thank you very much!
Well you have just described 6 months of summer here in SoFla... May-November....90's with 90% humidity..
Sorry about your A/C. get the box fans out..
Dropping the soap in a hot steamy bath sounds better in your home with your wife than it does elsewhere, huh?
It'll be a scorcher here in NY. Check up on those lil' old ladies out there if ya can!
I'll send ice and a fan your way buddy!
Have a great weekend! xo
Rosie O Donnell's jock strap HA! awesome, I sympathize with ya on that butt crack heat rash bud, I hate when that happens.
Hello there. I come following a link from Starrlight's blog. I know her through D.C.org and she says that you owe her some booze :p
Love your blog, will be reading often from now on ;)
Nickie x
Jeff: It has been duly noted, you whore. Cheers!!
Leelee: Yeah I've been to Florida in the dead of summer. We've got the fans a-blowin'. Cheers Gorgeous!!
Deb: I'll check on the old ladies. Schmoop isn't my wife, we live in sin. If we were married, we wouldn't get along as well as we do. Cheers Pal!!
Turkin: Ha. Thanks...This too, shall pass. Cheers Dawg!!
Nickie: Starr is da bomb. I owe her booze, eh? I'll give her some booze and a swift kick in the ass. Thanks for stopping by, and hope to see ya again. Cheers!!
Matt, I feel your pain (no, I really don't. I LOVE humidity but then I'm always on VACATION in NY when experiencing it) but sweet Jeebus that made for a phuhknee post. I do so enjoy your choice of words and masterful & creative use of the English language.
P.S. I'm sure Shmoop wouldn't appreciate being used as a human slip 'n' slide unless it was for the express (pleasure) and purpose of GETTING hot.
Dice: Thank you very much. I get comments about my humor, but rarely on the style in which I write it. I appreciate that.
As for the slip "n" slide, I'll pass your notion onto Schmoop. I'll let ya know if it works out. Cheers Dice!!
Sorry about your weekend with no A/C.
I won't tell you that it hasn't gotten much over 55 degrees out here in the great pacific northwest. That would only make your heat induced agony so much worse.
See what a pal I am?
Travis: I wouldn't have it any other way Trav. Cheers!1
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